mental health

5 Powerful Ways to Increase Mental Health

Don Grier

The Benefits of Fellowship on Mental Health

Today, October 10, 2024 is World Mental Health Day.  Accordingly, our blog today focuses on the positive impact of fellowship and companionship on mental well-being and overall wellness. 

Numerous studies have shown the positive effects of companionship.  One study found that married people have a longer life expectancy than single people:  an average of 2.2 years for married men and 1.5 years for married women (Read Article from U.S. Medicare Health Outcome Survey (HOS)).  The longer life expectancy of happily married people is partly due to their mutual support.

Humans are inherently social animals. Friendship and group participation provides support, accountability, and meaning. But despite the positive impact of companionship, we are getting lonelier.

 A disturbing fact is that 15% of men have no close friends.   The same Western Oregon Study stated that the U.S. Men’s suicide rate is at its highest level ever at 14.3 men per 100,000.  We need to do something to stem this epidemic of loneliness.

But not all people are joiners.  For those less inclined to engage in groups, interacting with pets positively impacts well-being. These include decreased levels of cortisol, blood pressure, and loneliness.

One look at our daughter’s dog Beau, pictured below, waiting expectantly, shows why. Pets love us unconditionally if we treat them right.  They can serve as a sounding board and comfort as you face daily anxieties.  One look at Beau playing with his toy can brighten the darkest day.

dog waiting expectantly
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Why is companionship, whether it be human or pet, so critical to mental well-being?  Here are the five reasons for this and examples from my life.

Emotional Support and Encouragement 

One of the best reasons to join a group or form a friendship is to encourage one another.  Life alone is tough, and tackling hardships or an addiction is even more challenging.  Finding a friend or group to share mutual support can keep you on track when confronting an addiction or facing a medical or other type of obstacle. 

I could never have overcome my stressful eating habits without my friends at the Round Rock, Texas, WW group. For the last ten years, I have shared my successes and failures with a group of like-minded weight loss journeyers. Their encouragement and support during the ups and downs of my weight loss journey were instrumental to my getting healthy. I now love playing it forward, helping others improve their health in the group.

Sharing Ideas Improves Mental Health

Fellowship also helps us grow intellectually through the sharing of ideas.  I have grown in areas of interest by engaging with people interested in the same topic.  Two such groups were the Learning to Lead Book Club at my prior company and the two business networks I am currently a member of, BXN in Austin and 10X Vets.  

I established the Learning to Lead Book Club for those interested in improving their management and team-building abilities. Each month, the group read and discussed a book that improved their leadership abilities. The leader responsible for that month also wrote a blog on the group’s discussion. I am initiating a new free program hosted by Wellness Leadership, LLC. If interested, please sign up for the Learning to Lead Informational Session. 

The Business Exchange Network in Austin has several monthly sessions around Austin and its suburbs to bring business owners together to share ideas on running a business and referrals. 10X Vets does a similar thing for Veterans on a national level.  Both of them have helped me learn and move outside my comfort zone.

Sense of Belonging and Sharing Activities

We all crave belonging to a group and a higher purpose. A few weeks back, I blogged about a remarkable group supporting the mental well-being of returning veterans: Irreverent Warriors. During a day-long march and social event, this group brings together veterans to share stories and humor to lighten the load and support Veteran mental health. Don, the Change Well podcast host, will lead a similar team on a 6+ mile ruck march on Veterans Day in Temple, Texas.  If interested, sign up for Rucks on Main on our Event site.  

Employee resource groups (ERGs) are a good way for companies to establish a sense of belonging and share activities. Companies such as Accenture have an ERG program to accommodate their employees’ diverse interests.

Reduced Loneliness Improves Mental Health

Our opening statistics demonstrated that companionship with family, friends, and pets reduces loneliness. I gave a shout earlier to my granddog, Beau, but I would be remiss if I failed to mention our dog Boots.   

Boots’ impact on my and my wife’s well-being is well chronicled in previous blog posts.  Boots was by my side as we both got healthy, and he has been a stalwart companion to my wife and me when we are apart.  But there is one other area of mental health that Boots has assisted me with – patience.  Boots is getting up in dog years.  He is 16 or 114 years old in human years.  He is still spry in many ways, but he has improved my and my wife’s patience as we take him on slow, wandering walks. 

boots the dog

Accountability

One of the most essential things to mental well-being is being accountable for your actions and direction.  Well-intentioned groups and friends can hold you accountable as you strive to change well.  A weekly weigh-in holds us responsible for our weekly health goals in WW.  Another group that has been instrumental in helping me improve my prayer life is Exodus 90.  I will ever be grateful to my seven fellow Exodus 90 brothers for our weekly accountability

Five Ways to Avoid a Blue Christmas

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Christmas is a joyous time for most people. But for some people, particularly those who are apart or have lost loved ones, Christmas can be a sad time. Elvis even sang about it. It goes something like this with a few modifications:


I’ll have a blue Christmas without you,
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you,
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
Won’t be the same this year when you’re not here with me.

And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when those blue memories start calling,
Others will be doing all right,
With their Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

The last few years have been a bit blue for me and my family. On December 20, 2021, we lost my youngest brother suddenly to a heart attack. So, today is the second anniversary of his death; I would like to provide some ideas on how to deal with the sorrow of losing a loved one around the holidays. There are five ways that I have found helpful, even though imperfect.

1. Connect with others and ask for support. Last year, my wife and I spent Christmas with our children and their significant others at an Air BnB. The support of our family went a long way to helping with the sorrow of my brother’s loss. But reaching out and connecting with others can be helpful for those without family nearby. Look for opportunities to connect with others in your community.

For example, I remember Christmas in my hometown of Crosswicks, NJ, fondly. Crosswicks is a historical town where much history happened. This history is all fine and good, but my favorite memory is the camaraderie of our local town around the holidays. Our family joined our fellow “Crosswicksians” each year in the annual bonfire and Christmas Tree lighting. We would all circle the tree at the Community Center and sing Christmas Carols, both secular and religious. Voices rising together as one community, we sang of hope and love! Later, we drank hot apple cider and ate donuts while sharing fellowship about the encroaching holiday Season. To close the day, Santa Claus would ride on the back of the firetruck and toss candy to all of us. It was all a kid could want!

For that day, it was hard to fell blue with all those voices of joy singing as one!

2. Take care of yourself and practice mindfulness, meditation, and prayer. Above all, acknowledge your feelings, feel the loss, and practice self-compassion. One way is to blend meditation with exercise. On Christmas Eve morning, I go on a rosary walk. The rosary is a form of prayer and meditation practiced by me and other Catholics. I wake up early and walk along a local trail saying silent prayers and intentions for my family and those who have passed. This practice helps me both spiritually with prayers and physically with walking. Those dealing with sadness could do something similar following their faith or mindfulness practice. Another option is to look for a Christmas service specifically designed for those who are lonely or have suffered a loss. Our church offers a “Blue Mass,” particularly for those who desire a more subdued celebration of Christmas and want to reflect on their loved ones. Other denominations provide a similar service.

3. Volunteer and Give Back. It is a documented medical fact that helping others helps you. Altruistic actions have been shown to release endorphins. Also, there is always someone else who is suffering like you.

Gordon B. Hinckley, in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, said, “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”

I have found this quote to be very accurate in dealing with the loss of my brother. I will honor him this year by providing a meal to the less fortunate through The Mobile Loaves and Fishes organization. You might want to celebrate a particular charity that your loved one supported. Others are suffering during the holidays from losses such as yours. The best way to lessen the sorrow of your loss is to focus on others.

4. Remember and Memorialize. Think of the fond memories that you have of your departed loved one. I will never forget my baby brother, who could not wait for Christmas. One of the difficult things each Christmas was keeping my brother David from waking up from all his excitement at 2 AM.

My brother Gary and I had a plot to keep David in the room we shared while Mom and Dad slept. To this day, I still do not know why it worked and fooled him every year.

My Dad used plastic on our windows during the Winter to keep in the warmth. Besides keeping out the cold, the plastic also fuzzed up the red light on the radio tower about a mile away enough so we could trick David.

Each time he woke up at night, he asked, “Is it Christmas yet? Let’s wake up Dad and Mom! “Gary and I would point to the red light and say that Rudolph was still flying. Even with that trick, we could only contain him until 5 AM. Then we had to wake Mom and Dad.

In order to delay us while he was getting his Polaroid camera, Dad would say, “Santa is still down here,” and make some rustling sounds to keep us at bay. Oh, how we sat on pins and needles until he gave us the all-clear signal. These positive memories help with the sorrow.

5. Express yourself creatively. One way to memorialize your lost one is with your creative passion. I love to write poetry. And one of the biggest Christmas gifts I ever got was the inspiration I received on Christmas Day of 2021. I had been struggling with a proper memorial for my brother. I knew I had to include his and his wife’s love of dogs. I woke up at 3 am on Christmas morning with this poem fully formed in my mind. I cried tears of joy while writing it down—the names referenced in this poem are the names of my brother and his wife’s dogs.

Zooey looked at Sis,
In that mischievous way,
Where is our Master?
I want to go out and play.

Our yips are a little less yippee,
Our yaps are a little less yappy,
What happened to our Master,
Who always made us happy.

He gave us kisses and never fleas.
He let us do our business on his trees.
What happened to him? Where did he go?
And what happened to our Mom,
She is moving rather slow.

Alvin pawed at Jasmine,
And echoed what Zooey said.
Where is our Master?
Who always patted our heads.

He gave us snacks,
And it was always a treat,
When he let us wrestle,
At the boots on his feet.

Where is he Jasmine?
Where is he now?
We got to help Mom,
And find him somehow.

Then Sis looked at her siblings,
And said with a sisterly grin.
You can’t look for him outside,
You have to look within.

For like our brother Ranger,
He went to his Master above.
Who entered the world one December,
And showered it with love.

And he waits for us in Heaven,
Again, leading the way.
Where there will be no more sorrow,
And all good dogs get to stay.

Then, all four dogs were silent,
As they turned inward and prayed,
And in their souls, they saw our Master,
And again, with their Dad, David,

They yipped and yapped and played!

So, these are five ways to feel happier if your Christmas is Blue. But if they do not work for you, do not allow your grief to become overwhelming, and reach out to a friend or professional help if necessary.
I usually end my podcast with the name of our show, Change Well. But sometimes, a change is hard and sorrowful. In those cases, you may not always be able to Change Well. The loss you feel needs time to heal. But you can always Change Better. You can always draw on friends, family, and others for support. So, when you are blue and not taking the change and the heartache well, you can change better and remember with your heart the one you lost.

You can’t love someone to health

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“You can’t control another person. It doesn’t matter how much you love them. You can’t love someone back to health and you can’t hate someone back to health and no matter how right you are about something, it doesn’t mean they will change their mind.”

Taylor Jenkins Reid, Daisy Jones & the Six

Anyone who has ever dealt with addiction and unhealthy habits understands the truth behind the statement above from the bestseller and Amazon Prime mini-series Daisy Jones & the Six.  I know from my own experience on both sides of the relationship.  I have tried unsuccessfully to dissuade loved ones from unhealthy habits.  On the flip side, my wife and children tried to stop me from overworking and overeating.  I do not want to stop you from trying to help your family and friends.  However, the truth is that they will not tackle the negative routine until they realize that they have a problem and take concrete steps to change.  They may change for a season, but sooner or later, they will fall into their old routines unless the change is something they want in their soul. 

I will not talk about others, but I know it was the case with my addiction to unhealthy eating and overworking.  Despite my grumpiness and excess weight, I still marvel at how loving my wife and children were to me.  My kids often tried to convince me not to go on an ICR (Ice Cream Run), even though they wanted a Blizzard of their own!  They also had to deal with their dad not keeping up with them or hindering an event.  One event that stands out is my youngest son and daughter when they made the homecoming court.  In the picture below, you see me at near-peak weight after just barely avoiding disaster.  Arriving only 5 minutes from when my wife and I were to walk my son onto the field, my legs cramped up, and I had stretched to the very second I had to arrive on the field. They loved me enough that they wanted me to walk with them.  But I did nothing to change my ways until I was ready.

So, what can you do to help those you love who are off the rails?  There are three things not to do and three things to do.

Not to do:

  1. Nag or beg.   Those in addiction may not do what you want when you love them, but they will not do it if you nag or beg them to stop their behavior.  It will instead put them on the defensive or have them looking for problems on your end.  Here is one example. The few times my wife asked if I really needed another glass of wine or blizzard, I would say something like this:  “You would not ask me this if I had your fidgety habits.  You can eat this and not gain a pound because of your metabolism.”
  2. Disconnect.  I understand that sometimes a person’s addiction threatens to drag you in, so you may need to separate from them, especially during the negative behavior.  But, if at all possible, stay connected with the person.  In that way, you can help them when they are ready.
  3. Enable them.  Even if you do not have a similar temptation, try to avoid activities or actions that trigger the unhealthy behavior of your friend.  If the person drinks excessively, avoid bars and nightclubs on your outings.  If they overeat, avoid the buffet line.  Find other activities that do not trigger harmful habits and potentially reinforce positive habits. 

To Do:

  1. Continue to love them.  I know I opened up with the idea that you cannot love someone into health.  But you can love them through the tough times and be there when they are ready to make a change. 
  2. Intervene when necessary.  Intervention when critical is not the same as nagging.  Also, sometimes love calls for tough medicine.  If someone is about to harm themselves or others, you need to intervene either directly, if possible, or with authorities if you or they are at risk.  When and when not to intervene is often a hard call.    But sometimes, it is the loving thing to do and the only thing to let the other person know they need to change.
  3. Quietly lead by example.  If you can and do not have a similar bad habit, live the positive one you want them to take.  Make a healthy meal.  Ask the workaholic to take a break and walk with you.  It may not work the first or second time.  But, if you keep it up, they will notice your quiet example.

Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium

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The ongoing pandemic is stressful.  The recent pandemonium around the Presidential Election even more.  What is the anecdote?  Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium (PP))!  What is that?  Read on!

My love affair with spinning is chronicled in several of my previous blogs listed here Spinning is Winning! A Ride for A Reason Back in the Saddle for St. Jude’s Don’t Stop Believing: A Weight Loss Journey in Three Intervals Heroes of Health Series, Episode 2 – Corey the Cycling King.  Spinning classes helped me regain my health, brought me new friends, and a new skill as a certified instructor! So, when the pandemic hit, I loss my number one stress outlet.  My gym and cycling class were closed.  I could no long Clip-In and Tune Out before or after a long day at work.  What to do? Peloton!

Peloton for those uninitiated is a virtual platform for cycling and other exercise programs.  You can ride with other cyclists around the world virtually!  You can do so either on the Peloton stationary bike or by using the  Peloton virtual service available on your phone, with your own equipment. On Peloton Live In-Studio rides you can compete with other cyclists on the virtual leaderboard.  They have excellent instructors who are fun and uplifting like my four favorites Jenn Sherman, Leanne Hainsby, Alex Toussaint, and Kendall Toole.  The others are great too!

I had used the virtual Peloton app as a supplement to my gym spin class.  But now decided to get the bike.  I loved it from the moment I got it.  And it made me think that my fellow work colleagues would love it too.  So, I and a friend came up with a virtual stress valve program appropriately called Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium.  Each week we pick up to 3 live rides and post the time and date on our company’s local website.  People join with our group’s hashtag and we have a fun virtual race.  Also, we give each other virtual high fives and chat as we ride. 

Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium helps us stay healthy and happy during these difficult times.  Here are the three major ways that PPP helps to keep you sane in these insane times:

1.  Endorphins!  Spinning, especially the Peloton variety is an endorphin rush.  The mixture of music and interval exercise brings a flood of endorphins that helps to counter the darkest thoughts.  The endorphin- exercise connection is well documented (read here WebMD Article).  PPP is the way to crush, despair with an endorphin rush!

2.  Tune-in and Sing!  I love exercising to music.  Nothing is more relaxing and stress relieving then belting out your favorite tunes as you spin. The good news about PPP is you can sing in the comfort of your own home.  No embarrassment and no drowning out by the person next to you.  But watch out!  Singing too loud while biking at 100 RPMs can nearly cause you to pass out.  I need to watch it the next time we do another Hamilton (Robin Arzón) or Bon Jovi (Kendall Toole) theme ride.  (Need to add Jenn Sherman’s Epic Sing Along Series).

3.  Community.  Peloton and our company group PPP is a community.  We care about each other.  We high five when people hit a milestone and pick them up when they fall-down.  In addition, theme rides really help celebrate commonalities and share hardships and trials.  One of the best such rides is Kendall Toole’s ride on World Mental Health Day which focused on the importance of Mental Health.  See my thoughts especially on Veteran’s Mental Health here. Mental Health Thoughts

So, there you have it.  Three ways Peloton helps you with the Pandemic and Pandemonium of today!  Message me or comment if you would like to participate in PPP!