58 is not too late,
To start again.
To find faith, restore hope,
Call a friend.
58 is far too early,
To forego dreams,
Walk away,
Treat others surly.
58 is the time,
To show God’s love
And chase a purpose,
From up above.
God, I pray,
That 58 is not too late!
George Washington when he was 16 wrote out 110 rules of civility to guide his life. Washington originally wrote down the rules presumably as an exercise in penmanship but later committed them to practice and memory. They helped develop the decorum, civility, and courage that guided Washington through war and the birth of this nation. You can read the Washington’s Rules of Civility here Washington’s Rules
The rules originally composed by French Jesuit priests in 1565 range from the practical to the profound. At the root of the rules is respect and civility toward friend and foe. Rule 1 lays this idea out perfectly with the words: “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect, to those that are present”. Many currently in the public sphere would do well to take this rule to heart!
Most of the rules have application today. One of them that I found particularly compelling is Rule 18: “Read no letters, books, or papers in company but when there is a necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the books or writings of another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unasked also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.”
The letters, books, and papers in Washington’s time are the cell phones, twitter feeds and social media today. Here is a brief update of Rule 18 refined for today’s technology. “Do not look at your cell phone or multitask while in the company of others, whether it be in person or Zoom. Put your cell phone in silence mode and only look at it in an emergency after asking permission. Do not stalk or gaslight your colleagues on social media. If your opinion differs, comment in a civil tone grounded in fact!” Let’s break it down further.
1. Put Your Cell Phone Down. We are tempted to pull out our cell phones at the drop of a hat. Many of our conversations become nothing more than a battle of dueling cell phones. With information at our fingertips, it is even more important to listen with full attention to your colleague, instead of trying to one up them with the trending twitter feeds. Washington knew the importance of being attentive even when the equivalent to today’s social media posts were the dueling pamphlets of competing patriots!
2. Do not stalk, talk. It is easy today to form a preconceived opinion of someone from stalking their social media feed or what others say about them online. It is also possible to ruin a person’s reputation by adding fire to gossip or rumor. Instead of forming an opinion from second-hand thoughts or unclarified comments, build your judgement of a person’s thoughts and character through direct dialogue. Peering into one’s media presence out of context is like ‘looking nigh when another is writing a letter’ in Washington’s time. Look not nigh, look them in the eye!
3. Guard Your Opinions with Reason and Civility. It is easy to react with emotion when someone writes something you disagree with on social media. Resist the urge to do so. If you feel you must post your opinion, do so factually and civilly. Better yet, pick up a phone or meet the person you disagree with to understand the context. I recognize there are times when the other person may have not acted with respect or is gaslighting you. Resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Instead dowse the fire with the cool water of reason and civility.
Rule 18 is just 1 of Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility. Most still resonate today. For example, just think how better off some politicians would have been if they followed rule 2: “2. When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.” Some of them may be of a bygone era but not many! I encourage you to read Washington’s Rules of Civility. What the world needs now is more civility, respect, and courtesy.
I am not worthy, but I’ll try,
Moving forward till I die,
Though I misstep along the way,
I get closer day by day,
To life as you meant it to be,
Loving, blessed and Holy.
I don’t deserve it, but I call,
To catch me when I fall,
To bring me home again,
In your presence, out of Sin,
With a heart meek and true,
In your paradise anew.
Jesus please hear my plea,
Remove the darkness, and let me see,
The path that I should take,
And the one that I should forsake,
On my wandering path to you,
And the mission I’m meant to do.
Better attributes, you’ll never find,
Than those of being loving and kind!
Showing God’s smile day by day,
Lightening the load along the way.
In this week of thanks and heart,
All of us must do our part,
To spread good thoughts everywhere,
To show all you really care!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I love this country,
more and more,
From the Rockies’ peak,
To Grand Canyon’s floor!
I love this country,
Yes, it’s true!
Whether in a Red state,
Or one that’s Blue.
Watch West Side Story,
Or Hamilton.
Let’s pull together,
And act as one.
March the streets,
Have your say,
But let’s come together,
At the end of the day,
And love this country!
Love it true,
And wave it proudly,
The Red, White and Blue.
Don Grier, July 2, 2020
This Father’s Day I celebrate Dads as builders! I revel in those fathers that built buildings, built large families, built Turbines, built farms and built all of us up to love! Amidst all the tearing down recently in our country, it is time for us Fathers to build up! Here are four examples of Father’s building up.
1. Building a family with bricks and good earth. My Father-In-Law along with his wife built a loving family of 10 borne on bricks, love, and good Minnesota earth. The first time I met Cal, he took me to his Raspberry farm to work and to talk about his tractor. This was the same raspberry patch that my wife and her nine siblings learnt responsibility each summer. Later, Cal took me to see the buildings he built as a Union Bricklayer. As we talked, I appreciated how he built a family brick by brick, berry by berry. A man of few words, his example spoke volumes.
2. Building engines that power cities, civil life, and a family. My father Big-D was a dynamo! Like the turbines that he built at his work, Big-D energized civil life and a family through respect and love. He was a Union Vice President, a Cub Master, a baseball coach, and president of several civic organizations. He taught me and the community how to throw a curve ball, build a car for the Pinewood Derby, and how to negotiate to get what a worker needs and deserves. Countries are built on civic organizations not tweets! Read more here (American Anthem: More Crosswicks less Crosswise ) Dad along with my mother taught us how to live, love and learn in a community.
3. Building in the background with humility and hard work. God is the ultimate father as builder. He built heaven and this good earth which we are called to protect. And when God was selecting an earthly father to protect and teach his only Son, he selected St. Joseph. A quiet, humble man, Joseph patiently taught the Son of Man how to build amongst humanity with his hands and heart. Joseph stood in the background and let his work show forth through the works of the Son. Joseph prayed and sent a path for what all good Father’s wish for their Sons; a life that eclipses their own and sets the world aright.
4. Building bridges of love. My first three examples are no longer walk in physical form with us. But I know that their example lives on teaching us to build bridges of love across all humanity. I see the builder in my cousin-in-law Uriah and the example he sets forth for Jessica my cousin, and their two young daughters, one only days-old. I see it each day as he builds up the love bursting forth in a young family through hard work and compassion. Getting up at night to comfort a little one and waking up each morning early to work each day just a little sleep deprived. And I remember how hard it is to be builder and cheer as his family grows in love and to serves as an example to all of us that love knows no bounds.
A Father’s love knows no boundaries. It builds up instead of tears down. It builds bridges across humanity and through time! It is color blind and love rich. Let’s all be builders in our families and society!
Thinking our way into oblivion,
we forgo faith and embrace fear.
Worried about the future,
we forget each life brings the promise of redemption,
and no AI can match the spark of the soul!
Instead of reveling in life we cling to death,
hugging a tree instead of a child.
Thinking our way into oblivion,
the world may end in a whine instead of a bang,
Unless we love our way back to life!
Christmas Day is near,
And the path of life is clear,
Let the hum of busy life end,
To spend time with family and friend.
And think on the one above,
Who showered us with love,
And gave us his only son,
So one day we could all be one!
This is the fifth of my Be Good Not Great blog series. The idea for the series came to me in a dream of my Grandpop in the original blog: https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/03/16/be-good-not-great/ and a related poem: https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/08/01/be-good-not-great-poem/. In this series, I tell stories of people that fulfilled God’s purpose of being good while foregoing worldly greatness.
To date, the series has included only real people with whom I have directly interacted. In this blog I focus on a person that I have interacted with since the seventies, but only through TV– John, the father on “The Waltons”.
For those not familiar with the series, “The Waltons” ran for 9 years in the 70’s and early 80’s with specials continuing into the 2000’s. It covers the trials and tribulations of an extended of family of 11 (John, his family, and John’s parents) living through the depression and World War II in the backwoods of Virginia. The Waltons make it through those hard years of poverty and personal tragedy with their souls intact largely due to the sacrifices of John and his wife Olivia (who is equally deserving of being the subject of this blog).
One of my favorite episodes of the series clearly demonstrates John’s focus on being good while foregoing opportunities for wealth and fame. In the episode, John is uncharacteristically anxious and short with others. His high school reunion is approaching and one of his fellow classmates want him to organize the reunion. The classmate came to John because back in high school he and his classmate Grover where always vying for the lead position in the class. Grover went on to Washington to lead an agency in the Roosevelt administration, while John stayed on Walton’s Mountain eking out a living for his family. John becomes even more anxious when the person who was supposed to host the reunion cannot and John’s wife Olivia agrees to host the reunion at the Walton home.
When the seemingly successful guests arrive, they all have problems. Grover, for instance is having marital problems and his wife does not attend the reunion. Another one of his classmates, a rich car salesman, has kids who act spoiled and misbehave throughout the reunion. In contrast, the Walton children are the epitome of hospitality and work together to make the reunion a success.
The show ends with what I considered the greatest quote from the show and one that highlights the difference between being good not great. Grover, John’s former high school rival says the following:
“Six years in grade school, five years in high school-everything I ever ran for, I was always running against the same Johnny Walton… The greatest day of my life was when I beat John Walton out for senior class president. I don’t think he ever lost any sleep over it. Now I’m an ambitious man – some would say successful; probably it’s all John’s fault. I was always running; he was always going past me at a walk. And here it is, 25 years later-here I am, and there’s John. Then look at me… and some of you… still running, still wearing ourselves to a frazzle for all sorts of things that John Walton has accumulated while he was out walking – a happy home, a fine wife and children. We’re sitting here well fed at John’s table, and I’m still boy enough to be graveled at the sight of him. ‘John – the boy most likely to succeed.’ Well, he’s the boy who did.”
This ending always gets me because it shows the choices a parent makes for his family. There are so many episodes where John demonstrates his love for family over that of money of fame. Here are three examples:
In one of the later episodes, John demonstrates his ability to organize competing, local sawmills in Virginia to deliver a large order for a rich government contractor. Noting his ability, the contractor offers John the role of Vice President of lumber operations. This job holds the promise of wealth, travel and a fine home. The only issue is John would have to uproot his family. He declines the role for the lesser opportunity of running a co-op in his hometown for a lot less money and prestige.
One of the key attributes of a good father is being humble enough to accept the sacrifice of your children. In another one of my favorite episodes, John and Olivia use all their emergency money to buy their son John-Boy, a new suit for college. The whole family participates in the joyful event. John is proud that he can provide clothes for his son to fit in with the wealthier students not on scholarship. Then the family’s milking cow Chance dies and John is humbled since he does not have the money to replace it. John Boy takes it upon himself to sell back his suit to pay for a new cow. This action shows the goodness of his father John in two ways. First, John-boy is following the example of sacrifice he has seen modeled by his father. Second, John is humble enough after initial reluctance to accept the money. John does what needs to be done even though it eats him up inside to provide his son this simple gift.
In the last example, a developer comes to Walton’s Mountain and notes the beauty of the nature and a hot spring on the mountain. FDR with his affinity for Hot Springs has raised the demand for these resorts and the developer offers John a lot of money for the mountain and his home. He at first contemplates selling the land and moving the family but decides against moving the family, especially his parents from the home. This episode clearly illustrates the sacrifices many sons and daughters make to care for their parents in their older years. A good father indeed must first be a good son.
I could list at least another 20 episodes of the basic goodness of John Walton and his love for family. Caring for your family and your spouse is what a marriage is all about! A good parent thinks of their family first and career second. Money and fame disappear, but a love of a good parent lives on! So, when facing a decision, let’s be like John and focus on what’s good for the family, rather than what is great for you!
This is the fourth blog of the Be Good, Not Great series. The initial idea for the blog series came to me in a dream about my Grandpop and resulted in a poem and a blog in less then an hour. Read it hear. https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/03/16/be-good-not-great/
The series focuses on people that strive for goodness over greatness; who eschew money, wealth and fame to care for other people.
I still remember the first day at the first home my wife and I owned as if it were yesterday. We moved into an established community in our then sleepy, now rapidly growing town. The house was 70’s vintage and we were excited but a little daunted.
We got the home for a good price. But it did come with some things that we needed to fix. The most urgent being a large bump in the sidewalk that led to our door. The bump was due to a tree root that grew under one of the sidewalk panels. It was a hazard especially for my wife who was pregnant with our second child and our 4-year-old. I was ready to fulfill my duties as a husband, father and new home owner.
I had managed to lift the sidewalk a bit and was trying my best to cut off a portion with a small axe I had. I was not making any headway and was sweating buckets. When out walks a wiry, 60ish year old man with silver hair, from next door.
I stopped my work for a moment and greeted him. he introduced himself and said, “I am TM your neighbor and son you looked like you could use some help!” I said, “Hi Tim. I am doing ok, but it is sure good to meet you”. Which was wrong on two accounts.
First because of his Texas twang, I called him Tim instead of TM. This part was ok because he thought he heard TM due to my Jersey roots. Second, I was not Ok. I had worked for an hour and made hardly a dent on the root.
After 15 minutes, TM returned with his own axe and said “Don, please let me help you out. I have been doing this for awhile and we can knock it out together.” Even though I was embarrassed I relented. And I was glad I did. TM immediately made more headway in 10 minutes then I had done in the last hour and a half. When it was my turn to spell him, he let me use his axe and technique. We got the root out and sidewalk level in less than 40 minutes together. It was the start of a great friendship and mentorship.
TM was the perfect example of seeking goodness over greatness. Born and bred in Leander, he moved to Cedar Park during its infancy to run one of the Cedar Yards for which the city was named. He was a great mentor, devoted husband for 68 years, loving father and a devout church goer. You can read more about TM here. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/austin-tx/thomas-pearson-7060600
There are four lessons from the life of TM to follow as we strive for goodness:
We moved to a new home about a mile away in 2007. Up to the end of our time next door, TM remained a good neighbor and friend. Even helping us with fixing up the house for sale. Unfortunately, I did not follow his good example. I got caught up with work and growing family and despite living only a mile or two away from him, we did not go to see him that often. When he passed in 2016, I did not know until quite a bit later. This is something I will always regret.
Robert Frost writes in his famous poem “Mending Wall” see full at this link https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44266/mending-wall:
“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast…
He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
‘Why do they make good neighbors? Isn’t it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That wants it down.’ I could say ‘Elves’ to him,
But it’s not elves exactly, and I’d rather
He said it for himself.”
I now know what does not love a wall. It is not elves, it is God and his love. Be like TM and not me! Break down the walls of cell phones, work, and a busy life. Take a sledgehammer to that wall, much like TM took an axe to that tree root and make time for your neighbor. And above all, love your neighbor as yourself!
Weight Loss and Leadership 