The world has become increasingly full of people with grievances. People complain about politicians, their neighbors, or the lack of forth in their Latte. These grievances have been amplified through social media. Sure, there are actual injustices in this world and room for righteous anger. But when your life becomes one long list of grievances, all you get is grief! That was not the case with Carlo Acutis.
Inspiring people to disregard the petty slights and injustices of the world to focus and amplify moments of joy. They overcome adversity to show the way to a better life. They use the tools that so often sow discord to show us a better way. One such person was Carlo Acutis, who will be canonized as a Saint on September 7, 2025.
Carlos Acutis is the first millennial Catholic Saint. He passed from this earthly realm on 12 October 2006, from leukemia at the age of 17. He recognized the emerging power of the internet and social media and chose to utilize it to proclaim the goodness and glory of God. One of Carlo’s sayings was “we are all likely to fall short because as soon as someone says something we don’t like, we instantly grow angry”. However, unlike many of us (including myself), he did not utilize his social media skills to amplify his grievances. Instead, he used his skill to develop a media site that showcases the power of Eucharistic miracles to transform his life and that of others. His website and media presentation are now displayed on five continents and have been shown in over a thousand parishes and more than a hundred universities. Instead of influencing others to buy the latest gadget or gift, he influences others to a better life and to God.
His real life mirrored his virtual life. Although his family was wealthy, he did not spend the money on the latest game. Instead, he would use his allowance to buy food and sleeping bags for people experiencing homelessness. Instead of endless scrolling and posting for likes, he spent his time striving to bring others to what truly matters – being kind and loving God.
His final acts are the most important for our time. He did not post about his suffering as he was dying. He instead said, “There are a lot of people suffering a lot more than me. “ He was always focused on what is above and beyond, instead of what is here and before. He offered his suffering and kept a joyful face till the end.
Today is the birthday of JRR Tolkien, one of the significant influences on my life. I wrote a blog a few years back, but I have learned much more since then about this great author, father, Catholic, and teacher. I am reading The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien and recently finished Tolkien’s Faith, bringing new insights about my favorite author.
I saw the movie Tolkien a few years back and highly recommend it to everyone! The film documented the fundamental moments of Tolkien’s formation behind his masterpieces The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion. As I relived his early life through early adulthood, I thought about how much Tolkien and his works were instrumental in my own growth. Here are the eight key moments when Tolkien’s works formed and changed me.
My First Book Purchase – LOTR by JRR Tolkien.
The first book I bought with my own money (you can read about how I earned that money here: A Penny A Minute) was the Lord of the Rings box set. I have posted a picture of the Two Towers to show you how much value I got for the few dollars I spent.
I remember buying them like yesterday at Quakerbridge Mall and using the money I earned from my first job. Racing home, I put my name on the cover in case someone tried to take it, and devoured the books like I did the Quarter Pounder that I had bought with the remaining change.
I have now read those same books with pages falling out at least once a year. The first time I read them all in a weekend. I remember cowering in the bed as I read about the Black Riders for the first time and adding Frodo and Sam to my evening prayers.
Bonding with My Best Friend Over Tolkien
My best friend from elementary through middle school was Paul. He loved the Lord of the Rings as much as or more than me, and we discussed it endlessly. Paul also introduced me to the Lord of the Rings allusions in Led Zeppelin songs, such as Misty Mountain Hop and some Galadriel references in Stairway to Heaven.
He also had pictures from the Lord of the Rings calendars decorating his room. We parted ways in high school as our lives took different turns (The Road Goes Ever On!). But I will never forget the joy I had in discussing the latest calendar and references to LOTR by Led Zeppelin!
Love of Family
My Dad was a Steelworker, a no-nonsense Blue-Collar man. He did not care for fantasy, elves, or hobbits. In contrast, I was like Frasier to my Dad’s Marty Crane.
Throughout 1978, I looked for every news item on Ralph Bashki’s upcoming rendition of The Lord of the Rings. My dad got tickets for the opening day for the whole family because he knew how much I loved it. He also got me the LP soundtrack for Christmas.
The movie was not good, but my whole family sat through it. They sat through it and tried to cheer me up, as I was disappointed. I never felt more loved since my family showed kindness and support for something I cared about.
My Senior High School Thesis on Tolkien
I love to write and get as much joy from it as I do from reading LOTR. I feel exhilarated after writing each of my blogs, and unlike most, I love writing essays for school.
My senior thesis for High School was one of my favorites – Christ Imagery in the Lord of the Rings! I learned so much from studying this subject.
Unlike Lewis, who is allegorical in the Narnia series, Tolkien is more subtle but profound. Frodo, Aragorn, and Gandalf all represent elements of Christ. Frodo is the clearest as he carries the heavy burden to Mount Doom. Aragorn, as a disguised king, leads to a new kingdom. Gandalf is perhaps the least subtle as he arises from the dead in white after battling the Balrog.
Tolkien did not like allegory, but he understood the fundamental truth that our highest calling is to sacrifice. I still remember the exhilaration of getting an A on the paper, but more so the feeling that the LOTR revealed a more profound truth! I have learned from reading Tolkien’s Faith by Holly Ordway that Tolkien’s faith infused everything he did.
Falling for the Fellowship
I waited 23 years for the next movie version of The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring. My wife and I had four kids waiting for its arrival!
My oldest daughter Kate was old enough to stay up late to catch the movie with me on the first day. It came out the day before I had to lead an Oral presentation for the biggest deal in my career. Nevertheless, I got the only two last tickets available for the midnight showing on the first day.
My daughter and I waited anxiously in the last two seats behind a bar that partially obstructed my view. I was praying that it would not be like the earlier movie. I will not lie to you. When the Shire and Gandalf scene came on the screen, I wept tears of joy.
Peter Jackson had captured the essence of the books that defined my life: the decency of the Hobbits, the goodness of Gandalf, and the evil of the Dark Riders, which used to shake me in my bed so many years ago.
This will sound like the ultimate geek, but I count that first viewing of the Fellowship as one of the top 10 moments in my life. (By the way, it inspired me to win the most important job of my career the next day!).
Dancing in the Glade
I thought nothing would match the scene of the Shire, but a scene from the Tolkien movie did it. My favorite story from Tolkien is not LOTR but one chapter from the Silmarillion – Of “Beren and Luthien.” I love it for three reasons.
It examines the love between people of two cultures (Elves and Man). Beren and Luthien fight against all odds to defeat evil. Last and most important, it shows the never-ending love between a man and his wife.
For the uninitiated, Beren and Luthien Tinuviel represent J.R.R. Tolkien and his wife Edith. They were married for over 50 years. Edith was Tolkien’s muse and the anchor to his life. The image took my breath away as I sat beside my wife of 38+ years and thought of her in that glade. In the movie, they show Edith dancing in the woods in England, the image Tolkien explains in his poem below.
“The leaves were long, the grass was green, The hemlock-umbels tall and fair, And in the glade, a light was seen. Of stars in shadow shimmering. Tinuviel was dancing there. To the music of a pipe unseen, And the light of stars was in her hair, And in her raiment glimmering.” (Read more here – https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/luthien).
Faith Lessons from Tolkien and St John Henry Newman
I knew Tolkien was a Catholic like me, but I realized further connections after reading Tolkien’s Faith. Tolkien’s mother took JRR and his brother Hillary to England. After her husband’s passing, his mother became Catholic in the Birmingham Oratory, where St. John Henry Newman resided. More than that, Father Francis Morgan, an aide of the Saint, was JRR Tolkien’s guardian when his mother passed.
This connection deeply moved me since the prayers and writings of St. John Henry Newman have been crucial to my faith formation. I discovered his prayers on a pilgrimage when we said one of his prayers each night during our return on our bus.
Written Words of a Loving Father.
I am now reading The Letters of JRR Tolkien, which contains 500 pages of Tolkien’s letters. The letters give insight into his books, college life, relationship with Inklings, and, most importantly, family.
Professor Tolkien’s most touching and instructive letters were to his son Christopher during WW II. To keep Cristopher’s spirits up, he shared his WW I experience. He also discussed the Lord of the Rings and had Christopher edit and develop maps for the book. He also wrote letters before WW I to his wife. His final letter before his passing was to his daughter Priscilla about his arrival at a friend’s house. In all, we see how Tolkien loved and instructed his family.
Eight events that shaped a life! Thank you, J.R.R. Tolkien and the makers of this film, for making this film that explains the life of this man who shaped me and so many others!
I love the holidays in December, but the month can be full of stress for recovering food addicts like me. The cookies, candies, and cakes that are a fixture of Christmas and other December holidays can make it hard to stay on track with your weight maintenance.
December can also be stressful for mental wellness, especially for those who recently lost loved ones. It can also be lonely for those away from family and friends.
Shopping, preparing for the company, and closing out work before departing for the holidays can also cause stress. When the kids were younger, my wife and I left work and rushed around frantically, trying to get the last Furby or the latest Pokémon game. Equally stressful was Christmas Day, when we showed the kids how to get Pikachu through the cave in the game we had just bought.
Despite all of this, I love Christmas. I look forward to the holidays each year, but I often worry if I will make it through December with my fitness and sanity intact.
If We Make It Through December with Our Wellness intact.
It is Like a Country Song
It is like that old Merle Haggard song, “If We Make It Through December.” Here’s a new chorus and verse of my devising. You can hear me sing it on the latest version by clicking this link to the Change Well Podcast or view it on our YouTube video here
If we make it through December,
Everything is going to be all right, I know,
It’s a stressful time in winter,
And I shiver when I see the falling snow.
If we make it through December,
Got plans to exercise when it comes summertime,
Maybe even do a burpee,
If we make it through December, we’ll be fine.
Got stuck here down at the office,
My boss wanted me to do some extra things,
Got so stressed by the late departure,
I went out and got some onion rings.
I don’t mean to gain weight in December,
It’s meant to be the happy time of year,
But that lady just took the last Furby,
So I went to the bar, and I had a beer.
I apologize to Merle’s legacy. The original song, If We Make It Through December, can be read about by clicking here.
However, the sentiment is true. Making it through December is challenging for those who are watching their wellness. Here are five tips to help you stay on track this holiday season.
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No This December
The season is not only the time of giving but also the time for just saying no. I know it’s difficult when grandma comes to you with her latest treat and says you must eat – you’re getting too thin. But you know that’s not the case, and you have already eaten three treats. So, as hard as it is to say no to grandma, you need to keep your weight under control.
How do you say no to grandma? Well, it won’t go well if you don’t practice. You need to say no diplomatically. For example, tell her that her fruitcake was so good that you only needed one piece.
Finally, you need to set boundaries with your family and friends. This is especially important if you are an introvert. Your uncle George may want to talk to you for the first hour, but when he rambles on for the second hour, politely step away and take a walk. Everyone needs their space.
Don’t Wait Until Summertime to Exercise
I know it is hard to exercise when it is cold out. Finding the extra time during this busy season to keep up your regular exercise routine is tricky. But you must exercise and do not wait until summer comes and the weather changes.
Finding an indoor venue is the best way to exercise when cold out. There is always a way to exercise inside, even in the coldest places like Des Moines, IA. I once exercised in Des Moines when it was ten below zero and a Blizzard by walking in their heated skyway at 6:00 AM. You can read more about this by clicking this link.
Another way to exercise during the holiday season is to gamify shopping. See how fast you can run down the aisles with your shopping cart and get the groceries or presents you need. I once did this in 10 minutes with two kids in a shopping cart, and they loved it. We called the game Crazy Cart.
One last thing that’ll make exercising easier during this holiday season is working out with a friend. This lets you catch up before the festivities and get your sweat on. You can read more tips in our previous blog
Work Can Wait This December
Another person you must say no to is your boss, which is problematic. When they come up to you with a last-second request, you must remember that they probably will not recall that you did this for them one month later. But your child will remember the Christmas concert you missed their whole life. I know this from experience working throughout the holidays on several proposals.
Tell your boss up front your expectations for time-off. Plan with them the time that you will need to take off. Also, work with them to prioritize tasks to hit quarterly targets while reducing time away from family and friends. In my experience, most bosses will work with you if you do this forthrightly and diplomatically.
The Best Gifts Do Not Need to Be the Hottest Gift
My mom had a great observation on Christmas gifts, especially for little children. She said you could get the best toy, but toddlers usually play with the bow on the package.
You do not need to stand in line for an hour or be stressed that Amazon will not deliver the hot toy on time. How much fun is a Tickle-Me Elmo after you tickled it a few times? And trust me, a Furby can get downright annoying with its gibberish and constant need to be fed.
The best presents I received during childhood were thoughtful surprises, many made by hand. The one I remember the most is a chemistry set my parents got me without asking. I was no Young Sheldon, but my parents knew I loved academics. I completed every experiment in that kit.
Remember The Reason for the Season
Holidays are meant for fellowship, family, and celebrating something higher than ourselves. My family celebrates Christmas each year, when Jesus, the light that came into the world, was born. Other faiths have Festivals of Light, including Hanukkah, Diwali, and Kwanza, to name some. This joy is to be shared among friends, family, and neighbors!
The light of these holidays may seem a bit dimmer this year. We struggle to find peace with the ongoing conflicts in the world. Don’t give in to the stress of the holiday season and the world.
The best way to stay on track this December is to be thankful and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Say a prayer for someone in need. Donate to charity. Most of all, we should honor the light that has come into the world with peace, giving, and kindness.
In closing, here is a poem I wrote on the meaning of Christmas.
God and man intertwined, He chose us and left Heaven behind, To dwell on Earth and bring death to sin, This is when our true life begins.So, today, when you open boxes, bows, Think of the gift where all time flows, God seeking us, come down from Above, In the heart of a babe, overflowing with love
One undeniable truth is that life is a roller coaster. The secret to a fulfilling life is to fail forward, learn from the lows, and keep moving onward. Hardship and mistakes are our greatest teachers. They are often the catalysts that push us out of our comfort zones and into growth. The most successful individuals have a common thread-they have made numerous mistakes on their journey to success. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He encountered failure over 1,000 times before creating a working light bulb. He said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.”
I am not saying that everyone should fail 10,000 times before becoming successful! However, I have four approaches to turning a failure into a success.
1. Forget the pain, learn, and gain. Having a setback can be painful, costly, and humbling. No one sets out to fail or have a hardship. But the worst thing you can do when you have a failure is to wallow in it. Going repeatedly in your mind with regret about what went wrong is wasted emotional energy and gets you nowhere. Instead, take the time to understand where you went wrong dispassionately, document what you will do the next time, and make adjustments and changes to improve the next time. Remember that no one gets through this life without having a problem. You are a person born with a specific mission, and this setback may be the one that allows you to course correct to get on the right path. I believe that St. John Henry Newmann said it best with his Mission Prayer, which I call to mind when I have a setback.
“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” John Henry Newman
When you fail, don’t let your spirits sink. Press on to fulfill the mission set forth for you.
2. Proceed with Faith, Hope, and Charity. When you fall down, the best way to achieve your mission is to proceed with faith, hope, and, most importantly, charity. You can have faith that, bit by bit, with every setback and every triumph, you are progressing to your ultimate purpose. Also, hope will carry you through the dark periods. Think of Edison. Many filaments failed, but with each failure, he saw the glint of hope of that first electric light. But most of all, proceed with charity. It is sometimes easy to lash out at others when things go wrong. To blame others either for the circumstances or your mistake. Instead, try to look at every hardship as a blessing to grow. Even if a person did wish you ill, look for ways to turn the circumstance around.
3. They Can Knock You Down, But They Can Never Knock You Out. My first two suggestions came from things I have learned from my faith journey. But the saying they can knock you down, but they can never know you out, I learned from my favorite Peloton instructor, Kendall Toole. Kendall had to deal with mental wellness issues growing up. What helped her to get through her stress and anxiety was the love of her family. They reminded her that giving up is the only way to get knocked out. Life is going to give you some body blows. We must be persistent and determined to take the first hard steps to get off the mat. In my case, when I had taken a series of wrong steps on my wellness journey, I was literally knocked out, leaving my IT Delivery Center when I tripped and fell on the step at 3 AM in the morning. But I did not stay down. I crawled to the bumper of my car, lifted myself, and the next day changed direction. You can read more about that incident in my first two podcasts and blogs. And it is part of my podcast theme song. I was working 18-hour days, I slipped, and I fell. At that very moment, I knew I had to Change Well. Sometimes, we need to be knocked down to bounce back to better things.
4. Be Patient and Have a Plan. One thing to remember when digging yourself out of a ditch is that you will not climb out all in one day. The day after I took the tumble at the delivery center, I did not suddenly drop a hundred and seventy pounds overnight. I had to be patient, plan a path forward, and not jump at the first fad diet that happened my way. Take the time to do a retrospective to truly discern the root of your problem and then tackle the issue in small chunks. For some guidance, I again turn to another favorite prayer of mine, “The Litany of Patience.” Three of the prayer requests are:
1. Deliver me from rash judgment and haste …
2. From impulsive decision-making…
3. From the desire to act when I need to be still …
Change without a plan is nothing more than chaos. When you need to change course, take the time to be patient and plan your next move. Don’t let that check in your path turn into a checkmate. Take the time to change well.
