“Why did the bird die”,
Don Grier
asked my young daughter,,
the small bird with the fading yellow breast,
near our outside table.
Strange –
I never saw a dead bird in nature
without my cat lurking around
with a smirk on its face.
Why is that?
with the billions of birds that die
every day.
Where do they go?
Do they dissolve into the earth?
Or are the lifted up on the breath
of God.
I digress. So I answerd my daughter.
The birdie was flying home to its family
when it got caught in a storm and flew
into a tree and died.
She looked sadly at me,
much as for my weak answer as he lost bird.
“But why was Goldie,
away from her parents with a storm pressing
and the skies turing grey?”
Boy was I in trouble, now!
She had named the bird.
I should have know better,
with a precocious five-year,
and me not even knowing
where bird bones go.
So, I said that
Goldie was late from her
appointed time home after flitting
around with her friend Rocket Robin.
BIG MISTAKE!
Now she said, “Why did Mr. and Mrs. Chirpy let
Goldie fly to see Rocket when a storm
was coming?”
The parents were now involved.
I did not know what to do
with my wayward story as much as
I did not know where all birds
go when they die.
So I finally got smart,
Or seemingly so, and asked Kate
“What do you think was the reason,
poor Goldie died?”
She answered rightly and without hesitation.
“I don’t know everything!”
Life Lessons
The Final Five Amazing Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization
This blog brings to a close our blog series on the Well-Led Guidelines for sustainable company success through a focus on employee wellness. The first blog, Three Key Reasons Your Organization Should Be Wellness-Led, examined why organizations that make employee wellness have more sustainable success and happier employees. The next two blogs. Five Essential Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization and Five More Powerful Guidelines for Organizational Success, provided the first ten Well-Led guidelines for organizations and projects, while this blog provides the final five. If you want to hear the series and other content from either our personal blog (this site) or corporate blog site, check out our Change Well podcast available on Spotify and Apple Podcast or on our Wellness Leadership podcast page
We at Wellness Leadership LLC have integrated these fifteen guidelines and the Global Standard for Risk Management from the Project Management Institute to develop a first-in-class assessment and strategy model for sustainable success for organizations, programs, and projects. If you want our services, please get in touch with us on our website, www.wellnessldr.com. Also, be on the lookout for our first chapbook, The Well-Led Organization, at the end of February 2024.
Now, on to guidelines 11-15 of the Well-Led Organization.
11. Plan in affirmations and thankfulness. In his still relevant 1936 book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote, “Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated. Some 85 years later, the sage Ted Lasso put this concept in simpler terms, “Believe”!
You can get people to do incredible things on their own accord if you authentically believe in them and appreciate what they do for the organization. What are some tips to show you believe in your team and are thankful for them? Here are just three:
- Post signs of encouragement. I have seen this simple technique work on many occasions. On one occasion, I noticed an off-the-rail project transformed by the positivity of the new project manager. Taking over for the previous, less optimistic project manager, the new leader posted positive messages throughout the project site. This was reinforced by a can-do attitude that empowered the individual team leads. People went from complaining about obstacles to solving problems. Soon, the project was on track. What if your project is remote and not at a single project site? You can be positive and affirming in the stand-up meeting. One way to do this is to set an affirming word or phrase for the day or open with a success story.
- A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Okay, I know I have moved from Ted Lasso to Mary Poppins. But like Mary, always temper your constructive criticism (the medicine) with a positive comment. Start with a positive comment, and then the person will be more receptive to the recommendation.
- Show you are thankful. Lastly, never underestimate the power of thanksgiving. A simple handwritten note thanking a person for their efforts can work wonders. For team efforts, plan a celebratory outing. A little thanks goes a long way!
12. Be engaged and lead up front. The lesson in leadership is that sometimes, the leader has to show the team how it is done. This does not mean that every time a team member needs an extra boost to complete a task, the leader has to do it for them. No! It suggests that at some critical junctures, it is essential that the project director lead the way and show the prowess that got them to the position in the first place. Also, the leader should be engaged and there for critical moments. As a Quality Assurance Director for a leading IT consulting firm for 30 years, I always checked whether the project lead was present for critical rollouts. And nothing got my ire up more as a project lead was not there for a crucial event.
Engaging and showing confidence and resolve during critical events is always the best move of a leader. First, it shows your team you care and are with them, especially since most critical deployments happen on the weekend. Second, you are there for necessary decisions and lend a steady hand if something goes wrong or needs correcting. Lastly, you are on hand to affirm the team when things go well and take responsibility when things go wrong.
13. Leaders eat last. While leaders are meant to lead upfront, their needs should be secondary to the team’s. The best way to get a person’s loyalty and make them feel cared for is to ensure they have the necessary equipment, knowledge, and nourishment.
I will give a simple example, which I still remember even though it has been over fifteen years. Our team had a tight deadline and had to present at two remote locations in less than a day. The only way to get to our second location on time was to rent a small prop plane, one seat shy of our party. Instead of taking the front seat near the pilot, our boss sat in the only place left – a tiny compartment with a flip-out next to the garbage. The lead wanted us to focus on the presentation close to the time we landed. I was already loyal to my lead, but that simple gesture cemented it. Lead up front, but take a backseat to their needs!
14. Be great by doing good! People work for money but stay engaged when they believe in the company’s mission, vision, and purpose. Also, it is my experience that most people are generous and want to give back, albeit the form of altruism differs amongst individuals. An organization with an inspiring vision statement and a purpose beyond the bottom line will drive employees to higher levels. Likewise, properly formed employee resource groups that allow employees to give back significantly impact employee morale and provide a positive impression of the company to the community. Let me give an example.
My prior company had a program established by three younger consultants called CoderDojo. This program is a coding program for kids and teens, some of whom have never been able to code. The program provided the consultants with a leadership opportunity and a venue for applying their skills. The final class was the best part of the program. The students got to display their coding projects, and judges from our company’s senior leadership handed the awards. The participants were happy and proud, but the consultants who made up the program were even more motivated!
15. Build in fitness breaks. The last rule is like the first rule: acknowledge that overwork is counterproductive. Set a rule that each meeting starts 10 minutes after the hour or half hour, depending on the timing. Encourage people to set an alarm to move on their watch for at least 10 minutes each hour. Another way to build fitness in the workday is to have a walking meeting or a fun fitness break. Establish a wellness calendar with fitness and mindfulness breaks.
These fitness breaks were especially crucial during the pandemic when everyone stared at their screens for days. One of the programs we established was Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium. I knew we had a cohort of Peloton riders on my team, so we established a calendar of live Peloton rides when people would voluntarily ride and high-five each other. Other programs were Bollywood dance, Yoga, and digital Karaoke.
There you have it! The last of the fifteen rules for the Well-Led organization. Next week, we will move back to a topic on individual wellness – Body and Soul combos. Until then, Change Well!
Five Ways to Avoid a Blue Christmas
Christmas is a joyous time for most people. But for some people, particularly those who are apart or have lost loved ones, Christmas can be a sad time. Elvis even sang about it. It goes something like this with a few modifications:
I’ll have a blue Christmas without you,
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you,
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
Won’t be the same this year when you’re not here with me.
And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when those blue memories start calling,
Others will be doing all right,
With their Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.
The last few years have been a bit blue for me and my family. On December 20, 2021, we lost my youngest brother suddenly to a heart attack. So, today is the second anniversary of his death; I would like to provide some ideas on how to deal with the sorrow of losing a loved one around the holidays. There are five ways that I have found helpful, even though imperfect.
1. Connect with others and ask for support. Last year, my wife and I spent Christmas with our children and their significant others at an Air BnB. The support of our family went a long way to helping with the sorrow of my brother’s loss. But reaching out and connecting with others can be helpful for those without family nearby. Look for opportunities to connect with others in your community.
For example, I remember Christmas in my hometown of Crosswicks, NJ, fondly. Crosswicks is a historical town where much history happened. This history is all fine and good, but my favorite memory is the camaraderie of our local town around the holidays. Our family joined our fellow “Crosswicksians” each year in the annual bonfire and Christmas Tree lighting. We would all circle the tree at the Community Center and sing Christmas Carols, both secular and religious. Voices rising together as one community, we sang of hope and love! Later, we drank hot apple cider and ate donuts while sharing fellowship about the encroaching holiday Season. To close the day, Santa Claus would ride on the back of the firetruck and toss candy to all of us. It was all a kid could want!
For that day, it was hard to fell blue with all those voices of joy singing as one!
2. Take care of yourself and practice mindfulness, meditation, and prayer. Above all, acknowledge your feelings, feel the loss, and practice self-compassion. One way is to blend meditation with exercise. On Christmas Eve morning, I go on a rosary walk. The rosary is a form of prayer and meditation practiced by me and other Catholics. I wake up early and walk along a local trail saying silent prayers and intentions for my family and those who have passed. This practice helps me both spiritually with prayers and physically with walking. Those dealing with sadness could do something similar following their faith or mindfulness practice. Another option is to look for a Christmas service specifically designed for those who are lonely or have suffered a loss. Our church offers a “Blue Mass,” particularly for those who desire a more subdued celebration of Christmas and want to reflect on their loved ones. Other denominations provide a similar service.
3. Volunteer and Give Back. It is a documented medical fact that helping others helps you. Altruistic actions have been shown to release endorphins. Also, there is always someone else who is suffering like you.
Gordon B. Hinckley, in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, said, “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”
I have found this quote to be very accurate in dealing with the loss of my brother. I will honor him this year by providing a meal to the less fortunate through The Mobile Loaves and Fishes organization. You might want to celebrate a particular charity that your loved one supported. Others are suffering during the holidays from losses such as yours. The best way to lessen the sorrow of your loss is to focus on others.
4. Remember and Memorialize. Think of the fond memories that you have of your departed loved one. I will never forget my baby brother, who could not wait for Christmas. One of the difficult things each Christmas was keeping my brother David from waking up from all his excitement at 2 AM.
My brother Gary and I had a plot to keep David in the room we shared while Mom and Dad slept. To this day, I still do not know why it worked and fooled him every year.
My Dad used plastic on our windows during the Winter to keep in the warmth. Besides keeping out the cold, the plastic also fuzzed up the red light on the radio tower about a mile away enough so we could trick David.
Each time he woke up at night, he asked, “Is it Christmas yet? Let’s wake up Dad and Mom! “Gary and I would point to the red light and say that Rudolph was still flying. Even with that trick, we could only contain him until 5 AM. Then we had to wake Mom and Dad.
In order to delay us while he was getting his Polaroid camera, Dad would say, “Santa is still down here,” and make some rustling sounds to keep us at bay. Oh, how we sat on pins and needles until he gave us the all-clear signal. These positive memories help with the sorrow.
5. Express yourself creatively. One way to memorialize your lost one is with your creative passion. I love to write poetry. And one of the biggest Christmas gifts I ever got was the inspiration I received on Christmas Day of 2021. I had been struggling with a proper memorial for my brother. I knew I had to include his and his wife’s love of dogs. I woke up at 3 am on Christmas morning with this poem fully formed in my mind. I cried tears of joy while writing it down—the names referenced in this poem are the names of my brother and his wife’s dogs.
Zooey looked at Sis,
In that mischievous way,
Where is our Master?
I want to go out and play.
Our yips are a little less yippee,
Our yaps are a little less yappy,
What happened to our Master,
Who always made us happy.
He gave us kisses and never fleas.
He let us do our business on his trees.
What happened to him? Where did he go?
And what happened to our Mom,
She is moving rather slow.
Alvin pawed at Jasmine,
And echoed what Zooey said.
Where is our Master?
Who always patted our heads.
He gave us snacks,
And it was always a treat,
When he let us wrestle,
At the boots on his feet.
Where is he Jasmine?
Where is he now?
We got to help Mom,
And find him somehow.
Then Sis looked at her siblings,
And said with a sisterly grin.
You can’t look for him outside,
You have to look within.
For like our brother Ranger,
He went to his Master above.
Who entered the world one December,
And showered it with love.
And he waits for us in Heaven,
Again, leading the way.
Where there will be no more sorrow,
And all good dogs get to stay.
Then, all four dogs were silent,
As they turned inward and prayed,
And in their souls, they saw our Master,
And again, with their Dad, David,
They yipped and yapped and played!
So, these are five ways to feel happier if your Christmas is Blue. But if they do not work for you, do not allow your grief to become overwhelming, and reach out to a friend or professional help if necessary.
I usually end my podcast with the name of our show, Change Well. But sometimes, a change is hard and sorrowful. In those cases, you may not always be able to Change Well. The loss you feel needs time to heal. But you can always Change Better. You can always draw on friends, family, and others for support. So, when you are blue and not taking the change and the heartache well, you can change better and remember with your heart the one you lost.
People Go On
This Thursday I listened to a wonderful Advent reflection on the Hallow application. This app has transformed my prayer and inner life. In the Advent reflection, Liam Neeson quoted the following from The Weight of Glory by CS Lewis.
CS Lewis The Weight of Glory“You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”
I had some time during the math class I teach, since I was administering a test, so I decided to take the remaining time after grading homework to write the following poem:
Cultures may change,
And your favorite shows end,
Rules come and go,
And sometimes bend.
But people live on.
Countries will fall,
And others will rise,
Possessions we hold dear,
We later despise.
But people live on!
Your job you may lose,
And your pantry grows bare,
But you never forget,
The people who care.
Yes, people go on.
All things pass,
On this earth down below,
Except for the kindness,
And the love that we show.
For the people that go on!
The person you meet,
May be a Saint someday,
Or could end up lost,
If you treat them the wrong way.
Remember, the person goes on!
So be courteous, loving,
prayerful and true,
To help those around us,
So, we all pull through.
And be the person that lives on.
by Don Grier 2023.
The Power of Gratitude-The Story of the Thanksgiving Calves
Before starting this blog, I would like all my followers to know I have launched a company called Wellness Leadership LLC. If you enjoyed my blogs on this site, please check out, https://wellnessldr.com/ for our service offerings. Also, check out our new podcast, Change Well, available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and YouTube. More information is available on Podcast
Numerous studies describe the benefits of practicing thankfulness. One such study in the Harvard Health Review found that keeping a gratitude journal increased happiness. Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have researched gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on topics.
One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After ten weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.
I found this to be true in my daily life. I have kept a gratitude journal over the last seven years. In addition, I use an app on my phone called HappyFeed to record moments of gratefulness throughout the day. But one pivotal event in my life will forever cement the power of Thanksgiving.
The event was one of the happiest and saddest in my life. I learned many leadership lessons from my dad -Big D. This story is the last one I learned from Big D and one that I will never forget. It is about the power of being thankful – the ultimate game changer. So, without further to-do, here is the story of the Thanksgiving Calves.
Big D and my mom moved to “The Land” in the late 90s when my Dad retired from Turbocare in Houston. The Land was 30 to 50 acres (depending on how pumped up Dad was feeling that day) in a little town called Slocum in East Texas (population 250). On The Land were a lake (built by my Dad and mom), trees (sycamore, sweet gum), acres of Coastal Grass, and ten extremely overweight cows.
The cows were overweight because my Dad treated them like pets and allowed his grandchildren to feed them early and often. Each cow had a name – Rosie, Susie, Big.
Bertha, etc. – and each was given to a grandchild for a portion of their inheritance.
Dad used to point to a cow and say something like this:
Big D – You see Rosie over there.
Kerri – Yes, that’s my cow! She likes to eat this feed.
Big D – Well, Rosie will have a cow, and that cow will have another cow, which will be for you.
Kerri – Yeah, Grandpop. I love cows.
In the summer of 2002, each of those cows was ready to make the first deposit on the grandchildren’s inheritance. Each was pregnant and set to deliver sometime in November. Unfortunately, Big D was not to see it from here on earth. On November 5, 2002, Big D passed away from a heart attack out near the fence where we would feed the cows. This is the sad part of the story.
Now let’s turn to the story’s happy part and moral. My entire family and I went to The Land for one last Thanksgiving to be with Mom. As we arrived, some light snow had fallen. As we rounded the bend to The Land, we saw two calves just born and starting to walk. The rest of that day and into Thanksgiving Day, nine of the ten calves were born. The only issue was Rosie and her calf belonging to Kerri.
Rosie got extra feed from Kerri and Big D. This was on top of the prodigious coastal grass. Rosie was having trouble birthing her calves. One hour before Thanksgiving dinner, the issue had reached a crisis.
Rosie was mooing loudly and was running around with her half-born calf. Jim from the next farm over had come by to wish us well. He immediately assessed the issue and told my brother and me we had to take Rosie to the vet. Jim went and got his truck and trailer. He also brought our other neighbor, John, another admirer of my dad, and we started to try to corral Rosie into her pen so we could load her into the trailer.
So for the next hour and a half, while the turkey was getting cold, we went up and down The Land, trying to get Rosie into her pen. After many fits and starts (a cow in birth distress is fast and scared), we finally got Rosie behind the plywood gate that passed as our pen.
The next step was filled with hilarity and near tragedy. Before anyone could stop him, my brother Gary got this great idea that he could rope Rosie. Doing his best rendition of John Wayne, he made a makeshift lasso and threw it at her. It did not land correctly but did serve to spook Rosie yet again. I was just outside the pen when the 500-pound cow broke through the plywood gate and straight at me! Let’s say that I moved faster than ever before or since jumping away and landing face down in the mud. Rosie just barely missed me.
Although that last action nearly killed me, it finally tired Rosie out. At 7:00 PM, we finally got Rosie in the trailer. John returned to what was left of his Thanksgiving Dinner after my brother, and I profusely thanked him. Then, Jim and I went to see the vet on call 3o miles away.
On the way to the vet, I secretly prayed that the calf would be all right. Repeatedly, I thought, “Please let the calf be alright,” while Jim and I told stories about Big D and how he would have dealt with Rosie and the calf. I knew he was up there somewhere smiling. We finally got to the vet at about 7:40.
Now, what comes next is fantastic. I had never seen a calf being born; it was a tremendous sight. The vet wrapped a rope around the half-born calf and pulled it. After a few moments that seemed like an eternity, the calf was born – Rosie, Jr. After lying on the ground for a few moments, the calf made its first few steps and was alive. Rosie, although in rough shape at the time, fully recovered.
And at that moment, despite missing Thanksgiving Dinner, I was never more thankful. I was grateful for the gift of the cows from my Dad. I was thankful for the timing and happiness that the calves’ birth gave me and my family. I was grateful for Jim and John, who gave up most of their Thanksgiving to get Rosie to the vet. I was thankful for the gift of new life facilitated by the vet.
Whenever I feel let down or frustrated, I think back to the story of the Thanksgiving calves. And that is a Game Changer. Counting your blessings can change your attitude to one of positivity. It can lift you out of the despair of failure and toward the hope of tomorrow. Here are some thoughts on how to practice an attitude of gratitude.
1. Like Jim and John, who helped to catch Rosie, show appreciation to your family and friends who help you daily. No person is an Island, and our loved ones help us accomplish the mission God has given us!
2. Be thankful for your vocation. Your vocation gives you exciting, engaging work that, quite frankly, puts Thanksgiving dinner on the table (of course, sometimes it prevents you from eating it).
3. Express thanks for the inheritance that was given to you from those who have led the way. Like the Thanksgiving calves that were the inheritance given to my kids from Big D, we all need to remember the people who helped us along the way.
In closing, I would like to share a poem with all of you for this Thanksgiving.
Better attributes you’ll never find,
Then those of being loving and kind!
Showing God’s smile day by day,
Lightening the load along the way.
In this week of thanks and heart,
All of us must do our part,
To spread joy and happiness everywhere,
And to show those around you that you care!
Happy Thanksgiving!
You can’t love someone to health
“You can’t control another person. It doesn’t matter how much you love them. You can’t love someone back to health and you can’t hate someone back to health and no matter how right you are about something, it doesn’t mean they will change their mind.”
Taylor Jenkins Reid, Daisy Jones & the Six
Anyone who has ever dealt with addiction and unhealthy habits understands the truth behind the statement above from the bestseller and Amazon Prime mini-series Daisy Jones & the Six. I know from my own experience on both sides of the relationship. I have tried unsuccessfully to dissuade loved ones from unhealthy habits. On the flip side, my wife and children tried to stop me from overworking and overeating. I do not want to stop you from trying to help your family and friends. However, the truth is that they will not tackle the negative routine until they realize that they have a problem and take concrete steps to change. They may change for a season, but sooner or later, they will fall into their old routines unless the change is something they want in their soul.
I will not talk about others, but I know it was the case with my addiction to unhealthy eating and overworking. Despite my grumpiness and excess weight, I still marvel at how loving my wife and children were to me. My kids often tried to convince me not to go on an ICR (Ice Cream Run), even though they wanted a Blizzard of their own! They also had to deal with their dad not keeping up with them or hindering an event. One event that stands out is my youngest son and daughter when they made the homecoming court. In the picture below, you see me at near-peak weight after just barely avoiding disaster. Arriving only 5 minutes from when my wife and I were to walk my son onto the field, my legs cramped up, and I had stretched to the very second I had to arrive on the field. They loved me enough that they wanted me to walk with them. But I did nothing to change my ways until I was ready.
So, what can you do to help those you love who are off the rails? There are three things not to do and three things to do.
Not to do:
- Nag or beg. Those in addiction may not do what you want when you love them, but they will not do it if you nag or beg them to stop their behavior. It will instead put them on the defensive or have them looking for problems on your end. Here is one example. The few times my wife asked if I really needed another glass of wine or blizzard, I would say something like this: “You would not ask me this if I had your fidgety habits. You can eat this and not gain a pound because of your metabolism.”
- Disconnect. I understand that sometimes a person’s addiction threatens to drag you in, so you may need to separate from them, especially during the negative behavior. But, if at all possible, stay connected with the person. In that way, you can help them when they are ready.
- Enable them. Even if you do not have a similar temptation, try to avoid activities or actions that trigger the unhealthy behavior of your friend. If the person drinks excessively, avoid bars and nightclubs on your outings. If they overeat, avoid the buffet line. Find other activities that do not trigger harmful habits and potentially reinforce positive habits.
To Do:
- Continue to love them. I know I opened up with the idea that you cannot love someone into health. But you can love them through the tough times and be there when they are ready to make a change.
- Intervene when necessary. Intervention when critical is not the same as nagging. Also, sometimes love calls for tough medicine. If someone is about to harm themselves or others, you need to intervene either directly, if possible, or with authorities if you or they are at risk. When and when not to intervene is often a hard call. But sometimes, it is the loving thing to do and the only thing to let the other person know they need to change.
- Quietly lead by example. If you can and do not have a similar bad habit, live the positive one you want them to take. Make a healthy meal. Ask the workaholic to take a break and walk with you. It may not work the first or second time. But, if you keep it up, they will notice your quiet example.
The Ballad of Big D
Reposting of Ballad of Big D on 20th year of his passing:
He was larger than life, his name – Big D,
Born with a heart of gold for all to see,
He loved and fought for his family,
A hero and a teacher, he was everything to me.
Water’s for tear drops, Dickel’s for drinking,
you always knew what Big D was thinking.
Whether at a baseball game or Union hall,
There was never a doubt on what side he’d fall.
Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above.
He drank a little, cared a lot,
His friends, Big D never forgot,
Luby, Pete, Andy, and John,
None of them forgotten, all of them gone.
We lost him that day, out on the land,
And what followed seem like it was planned,
For God conspired to bring forth new life,
Baby calves to ease the sorrow of his kids and wife.
Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above
Bridge: Love endures, Faith abounds,
In the silent solace that was found,
From the last story he told his family ,
We love you forever, Our Dad Big D.
Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above.
If you want to read more about the stories behind the ballad read these blogs on Big D:
https://weightlossleadership.com/2017/12/28/lifes-game-changers-the-power-of-thanksgiving/
https://weightlossleadership.com/2018/04/04/the-lessons-i-leaned-when-running-away/
A Mother’s Love Goes On
A mother’s love is a gift that resounds through eternity. Bringing a new life into the world enriches the diversity of the universe. A mother’s choice for life is an act of faith, hope and love.
My Mom was the leader of the family. She was the soul and the heart who taught us how to laugh, love and get along in the world. I learned many lessons from my mom but here are just three with appropriate antidotes.
- How not to take myself so seriously! Anyone who knows me knows that I am an intense guy. Part of that is from my Dad who always said this or that is the greatest or the best thing ever. And part of that is just my anal retentive self. Mom was the opposite. She used to loosen me and my Dad up. Here is an anecdote. My mom went with me to back to school day back in my junior year when we moved to Texas. Every 15 minutes we would have to switch classes and meet the teacher. I walked directly to class while people were trying to flag me down and say high. My Mom in her Jersey accent would say Donn…nie, why didn’t you say hi to those cute girls that were saying hi to you! I said something like Mom we have to get to class and I do not want us to be late. As always, I was too focused on the mission and what was next. My Mom tried to focus me on relationships and what was now.
- Sing from your heart. My love of singing and whatever literary skills I have come from my Mom. She loved Debbie Reynolds and old Irish songs. I grew up with the songs “Tammy”, Irish tunes, and “Frankie and Johnnie Were Lovers” running in my mind. She taught me to sing from your soul, from my heart. She also was quite a writer herself as was my Mother In Law Audrey. To this day, I can never hear the song Tammy without weeping out loud. It was the song of my childhood and is cemented on my soul!
- Love, love, love to the End! What is it with Mothers? They love us always and to the end. My Mom was the same way (as was the Mother of all, the blessed Mother). Two anecdotes stand out. I remember back in Jersey being bullied by some kids. I was the nerdy kid. Heck my nickname was Richie Cunningham. My Mom one day tracked them down and chewed them out. They never bothered me again! The second anecdote was the time in the aftermath of my Dad’s passing. Mom was the rock that kept us all going. She demonstrated devotion and everlasting love by staying out in the country of East Texas until the house was sold and the estate settled. She was struggling but she continued to lift us up and get things done.
Last Thoughts. My last memory of my Mom is the most meaningful and testament to her love. I was sitting in the hospital in Richmond, Texas. My mom was on a respirator and the Doctor asked me and the rest of the family if we should pull her off the respirator. Even though she pointed to it to stop, we were struggling to give our OK. We sat there and finally gave our OK. But Mom had saved us. She knew her time and had passed. I will never forget her final act of love. How she protected us from that decision.
In closing, there will never, ever, ever be someone as great and more deserving of your respect than your mother. Love them! Bless them! And, thank them for what you are and what you will be! Not just this Mother’s Da
Christmas in Jersey
I am missing Jersey more than ever with the loss of my Brother David earlier on Christmas Week, Dec 20. David always looked upon Christmas with anticipation. The first of the four vignettes below relay one of my favorite memories of David. I will always remember my baby brother who could not wait for Christmas. Miss you brother and hope to see you again in the place where Christmas Day is eternal. For you all who remember him here is a link to his memorial. https://www.woodlawnfh.com/obituaries/David-James-Grier?obId=23460064#/celebrationWall
There are many reasons I still long for Christmas in Jersey. Here are just four.
- Rudolph’s Nose and Dad catching Santa. One of the difficult things each Christmas was keeping my brother David from waking up from all his excitement at 2 AM . Me and my brother Gary had a ploy to keep David in the room we shared. Still do not know to this day why it worked and fooled him every year. My Dad used to put plastic on our windows during the Winter to keep in the warmth. Besides keeping out the cold, the plastic also fuzzed up the red light on the radio tower about a mile way enough so we could trick David. Each time when he woke up in the night and said “Is it Christmas, yet? Let’s wake up Dad and Mom! “, Gary and I would point to the red light and say that Rudolph was still flying. Even with that trick we could only contain him until 5 AM. Then we had to wake Mom and Dad. Dad in order to delay us while he was getting his Polaroid camera would say “Santa is still down here” and make some rustling sounds to keep us at bay. Oh how we sat on pins and needles until he gave us the all clear signal.
- The Community House Tree. Crosswicks is a historical town where much history happened. Indeed, George Washington launched his famous Christmas time raids on Trenton and crossing the Delaware from his headquarters at the Quaker Community House in Crosswicks. This history is all fine and good but my favorite memory is from personal history. Each Christmas, the citizens of Crosswicks would light up a large Christmas tree on the grounds of the Community House and sing Christmas songs and drink hot apple cider. For that day, the rivalry between the Black Sox and Red Sox baseball teams would be buried by the tree near the baseball field with voices of joy!
- Hoping the club doesn’t come to your house first! My Dad worked as a Steelworker and Union Vice President at DeLaval. His friends from work and their families formed a group simply called the Club. The Club would make the rounds to each family’s house on Christmas. We mostly loved playing with all the kids. Except of course, if you were the first house on the tour. Being the first house on the tour was dreaded because it was when all the kids were really wound up and wanted to play with your new Christmas toys. Wound up kids on Christmas equals broken toys. One sad Christmas, we were the first on the tour. We were excited about our new Evil Knievel motorcycle and track. You would pump the motorcycle with air and it would fly off the track. It was our most prized toy until Jimmy and Kimmey got a hold of it. They pumped it so full of air that Evil and the motorcycle broke after flying a record 10 feet in the air. Much like the real Evil could not jump Snake River canyon, our toy could not make it 10 minutes with the kids from the Club!
- Granpop’s Christmas train. My Grandpop grew up in the depression, so he was careful with his money. One of his best cost saving ventures was to buy Ribbon Candy after Christmas at quarter price and put it out the next year! He may have saved his pennies when buying candy, but not when taking care of his grandkids. One Christmas, we woke up and were brought downstairs to see a fully decorated Lionel train set in the cellar. The excitement of us kids was reflected in the joy of my Grandpop’s face as he passed on his love to a new generation.
I hoped you enjoyed these. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Updated: The Real Art of Racing in the Rain
I am reposting this blog about my brother on his departure from this world and on to the next. I am so glad he got the opportunity to drive through the rain and find a new life and love. David was one of a kind. Miss you brother.
The other day I went to see “The Art of Racing in the Rain”. At first, I was not sure why I wanted to see it. I hate driving cars, especially in the rain. Just ask anyone who has had the misfortune of driving with me. I am also not overly fond of Dogs. I despise being headbutted and sniffed by my daughter’s overly affectionate Pitbull or any dog not named Boots (he is OK).
So why did I absolutely love this movie about a racing car driver, his family, and his Dog Enzo? And why did I cry a river of tears when (spoiler alert) both the driver’s dog and his wife died? A bit because I am the ultimate sap! I punch my fist in the air when Mr. Smith saves the boy scout camp and weep at every Walton episode. But this was something more. Then I realized. The movie reminded me of my Brother David, his love of cars, his departed wife Debra, and their dogs – Alvin, Jasmine, Zooey.
David has loved cars ever since he was a little kid. One of the most memorable events of my childhood (and one that haunts my dreams) is when David, I, and Gary were waiting for my parents in the station wagon to go on a trip. David all of 4 years old sat in the front seat. Suddenly, he switched into the driver’s seat, shifted the car in neutral and started steering the car like a crazy man. My brother and I were helpless as the car backed down our sloped driveway. We drifted down the hill across a major road (safely thank God) and ended up in the neighbor’s front yard across the street. My parents rushed out to get us and I will never forget the joy in David’s face or terror in the eyes of my brother and me!
Terror was also in my eyes every time I drove with David. He treats the Houston highway like the Daytona 500. My heart races as he passes cars, barely missing the bumper. I in contrast drive like the future Grandpop I aspire to be. He has translated his love for cars into a career as a truck driver. He can drive the biggest rig with speed and precision. He was a lot like Denny, the movie’s lead, except he drove trucks instead of cars.
Also, like Denny, David loves dogs. In this, he is like his namesake, Uncle David. Both love Dogs with a passion I cannot fathom. Uncle David currently has 8 and David 4. They bring them both joy and I never realized why. The dogs yap and yip. Not my cup of tea. Until the movie showed me why – Dogs are more empathetic than people. They can realize when you are hurting and give you just what you need to race through the rain and not crash into the wall of life.
In the movie, Enzo the dog helps Denny deal with the premature parting of his wife Eve. Enzo realizes the signs of Eve’s impending death and helps Denny and Eve deal with her illness and eventual passing. Eve is like my Sister-In-Law Debra who was afflicted with various neurological and eventually led to her passing. Now that David has passed I feel the story even more. And a pray that it brings some solace to my new sister in law and my siblings.
Enzo kept Denny whole by driving with him as the rain pulsed down. Likewise, David and Debra shared the latest antics of Alvin, Jasmine, Zooey, and Cuddles. David would make Debra’s eyes twinkle with his imitation of the dog’s barking for Debra’s return. The dogs also helped my brother to be strong for his wife through unconditional love.
In closing, there are two quotes from the book/movie that really resonate with me. This one is a quote from the movie. “If a driver controls his own conditions, then the rain is only rain”. David through his dog imitations and frequent Facebook posts worked to control the uncontrollable. In so doing, my younger brother taught me a lesson of how to keep strong through the storm.
The last quote is from the mind of Enzo the dog. It is so poignant and meaningful I cannot do it justice. It is even poignant today with the passing of David.
“I saw her soul leave her body as she exhaled, and then she had no more needs, no more reason; she was released from her body, and, being released, she continued her journey elsewhere, high in the firmament where soul material gathers and plays out all the dreams and joys of which we temporal beings can barely conceive, all the things that are beyond our comprehension, but even so, are not beyond our attainment if we choose…”
Tonight, before you go to bed be like Enzo, David, and the dogs. Race on through the rain and love unconditionally. Turn away from the wall and toward new life through love!
Weight Loss and Leadership 