One undeniable truth is that life is a roller coaster. The secret to a fulfilling life is to fail forward, learn from the lows, and keep moving onward. Hardship and mistakes are our greatest teachers. They are often the catalysts that push us out of our comfort zones and into growth. The most successful individuals have a common thread-they have made numerous mistakes on their journey to success. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He encountered failure over 1,000 times before creating a working light bulb. He said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.”
I am not saying that everyone should fail 10,000 times before becoming successful! However, I have four approaches to turning a failure into a success.
1. Forget the pain, learn, and gain. Having a setback can be painful, costly, and humbling. No one sets out to fail or have a hardship. But the worst thing you can do when you have a failure is to wallow in it. Going repeatedly in your mind with regret about what went wrong is wasted emotional energy and gets you nowhere. Instead, take the time to understand where you went wrong dispassionately, document what you will do the next time, and make adjustments and changes to improve the next time. Remember that no one gets through this life without having a problem. You are a person born with a specific mission, and this setback may be the one that allows you to course correct to get on the right path. I believe that St. John Henry Newmann said it best with his Mission Prayer, which I call to mind when I have a setback.
“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” John Henry Newman
When you fail, don’t let your spirits sink. Press on to fulfill the mission set forth for you.
2. Proceed with Faith, Hope, and Charity. When you fall down, the best way to achieve your mission is to proceed with faith, hope, and, most importantly, charity. You can have faith that, bit by bit, with every setback and every triumph, you are progressing to your ultimate purpose. Also, hope will carry you through the dark periods. Think of Edison. Many filaments failed, but with each failure, he saw the glint of hope of that first electric light. But most of all, proceed with charity. It is sometimes easy to lash out at others when things go wrong. To blame others either for the circumstances or your mistake. Instead, try to look at every hardship as a blessing to grow. Even if a person did wish you ill, look for ways to turn the circumstance around.
3. They Can Knock You Down, But They Can Never Knock You Out. My first two suggestions came from things I have learned from my faith journey. But the saying they can knock you down, but they can never know you out, I learned from my favorite Peloton instructor, Kendall Toole. Kendall had to deal with mental wellness issues growing up. What helped her to get through her stress and anxiety was the love of her family. They reminded her that giving up is the only way to get knocked out. Life is going to give you some body blows. We must be persistent and determined to take the first hard steps to get off the mat. In my case, when I had taken a series of wrong steps on my wellness journey, I was literally knocked out, leaving my IT Delivery Center when I tripped and fell on the step at 3 AM in the morning. But I did not stay down. I crawled to the bumper of my car, lifted myself, and the next day changed direction. You can read more about that incident in my first two podcasts and blogs. And it is part of my podcast theme song. I was working 18-hour days, I slipped, and I fell. At that very moment, I knew I had to Change Well. Sometimes, we need to be knocked down to bounce back to better things.
4. Be Patient and Have a Plan. One thing to remember when digging yourself out of a ditch is that you will not climb out all in one day. The day after I took the tumble at the delivery center, I did not suddenly drop a hundred and seventy pounds overnight. I had to be patient, plan a path forward, and not jump at the first fad diet that happened my way. Take the time to do a retrospective to truly discern the root of your problem and then tackle the issue in small chunks. For some guidance, I again turn to another favorite prayer of mine, “The Litany of Patience.” Three of the prayer requests are:
1. Deliver me from rash judgment and haste …
2. From impulsive decision-making…
3. From the desire to act when I need to be still …
Change without a plan is nothing more than chaos. When you need to change course, take the time to be patient and plan your next move. Don’t let that check in your path turn into a checkmate. Take the time to change well.