Life Lessons - Weight Loss and Leadership

Updated: The Real Art of Racing in the Rain

I am reposting this blog about my brother on his departure from this world and on to the next. I am so glad he got the opportunity to drive through the rain and find a new life and love. David was one of a kind. Miss you brother.

The other day I went to see “The Art of Racing in the Rain”. At first, I was not sure why I wanted to see it. I hate driving cars, especially in the rain. Just ask anyone who has had the misfortune of driving with me. I am also not overly fond of Dogs. I despise being headbutted and sniffed by my daughter’s overly affectionate Pitbull or any dog not named Boots (he is OK).

So why did I absolutely love this movie about a racing car driver, his family, and his Dog Enzo? And why did I cry a river of tears when (spoiler alert) both the driver’s dog and his wife died? A bit because I am the ultimate sap! I punch my fist in the air when Mr. Smith saves the boy scout camp and weep at every Walton episode. But this was something more. Then I realized. The movie reminded me of my Brother David, his love of cars, his departed wife Debra, and their dogs – Alvin, Jasmine, Zooey.

David has loved cars ever since he was a little kid. One of the most memorable events of my childhood (and one that haunts my dreams) is when David, I, and Gary were waiting for my parents in the station wagon to go on a trip. David all of 4 years old sat in the front seat. Suddenly, he switched into the driver’s seat, shifted the car in neutral and started steering the car like a crazy man. My brother and I were helpless as the car backed down our sloped driveway. We drifted down the hill across a major road (safely thank God) and ended up in the neighbor’s front yard across the street. My parents rushed out to get us and I will never forget the joy in David’s face or terror in the eyes of my brother and me!

Terror was also in my eyes every time I drove with David. He treats the Houston highway like the Daytona 500. My heart races as he passes cars, barely missing the bumper. I in contrast drive like the future Grandpop I aspire to be. He has translated his love for cars into a career as a truck driver. He can drive the biggest rig with speed and precision. He was a lot like Denny, the movie’s lead, except he drove trucks instead of cars.

Also, like Denny, David loves dogs. In this, he is like his namesake, Uncle David. Both love Dogs with a passion I cannot fathom. Uncle David currently has 8 and David 4. They bring them both joy and I never realized why. The dogs yap and yip. Not my cup of tea. Until the movie showed me why – Dogs are more empathetic than people. They can realize when you are hurting and give you just what you need to race through the rain and not crash into the wall of life.

In the movie, Enzo the dog helps Denny deal with the premature parting of his wife Eve. Enzo realizes the signs of Eve’s impending death and helps Denny and Eve deal with her illness and eventual passing. Eve is like my Sister-In-Law Debra who was afflicted with various neurological and eventually led to her passing. Now that David has passed I feel the story even more. And a pray that it brings some solace to my new sister in law and my siblings.

Enzo kept Denny whole by driving with him as the rain pulsed down. Likewise, David and Debra shared the latest antics of Alvin, Jasmine, Zooey, and Cuddles. David would make Debra’s eyes twinkle with his imitation of the dog’s barking for Debra’s return. The dogs also helped my brother to be strong for his wife through unconditional love.

In closing, there are two quotes from the book/movie that really resonate with me. This one is a quote from the movie. “If a driver controls his own conditions, then the rain is only rain”. David through his dog imitations and frequent Facebook posts worked to control the uncontrollable. In so doing, my younger brother taught me a lesson of how to keep strong through the storm.

The last quote is from the mind of Enzo the dog. It is so poignant and meaningful I cannot do it justice. It is even poignant today with the passing of David.

“I saw her soul leave her body as she exhaled, and then she had no more needs, no more reason; she was released from her body, and, being released, she continued her journey elsewhere, high in the firmament where soul material gathers and plays out all the dreams and joys of which we temporal beings can barely conceive, all the things that are beyond our comprehension, but even so, are not beyond our attainment if we choose…”

Tonight, before you go to bed be like Enzo, David, and the dogs. Race on through the rain and love unconditionally. Turn away from the wall and toward new life through love!

Advent: Love’s Everlasting Kiss

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In Advent we wait expectantly for God’s Love Incarnate. Not the gooey eyed love that we experience on a porch swing and a first kiss, but rather the long, hard fought victorious love that endures past a last kiss. The love of a God who so loved the world that he gave his only Son. The Love of our Lord who in the dungeons of Caiaphas, the agony of the Garden, and nailed to the Cross loves us, dies for our sins to be resurrected and gain us a path to Heaven.

The Love of Mary who agrees to bring God into this world and stands there at the foot of the cross. She takes that hard-won love with her to the house of John where she leads the apostles until she is assumed into Heaven and crowned its Queen. The love of a God that endures in the church and the sacrifice of the Saints. The Love despite our faults and sins is coming again to the Mount of Olives!

In closing, the poem that I wrote a few years back on the passing of a loved one is appropriate today. My brother went on to the next life today on this last week of advent. I look forward to we meet again and hold him deal to my heart.

Love does not come easy,
it’s built in trials,
minute by minute,
day by day.
It is built on sorrow,
As much as hope,
Tears and hardship,
As much as laughter.
It does not flit,
It does not float,
It is SOLID,
and it ENDURES!
Why love then?
It is our purpose and mission,
What we were built for,
What God designed!
Because love does not last,
for a minute or an hour.
It lasts a lifetime,
and through eternity.
So, drive on through the pain,
And strive through the sorrow, And with one last kiss,
Reach for the tomorrow.
And, remember in waiting,
Not the words left spoken or tears,
But the smile and loving eyes,
That resound through the years.

The Return: Have A Vision As Big As Texas

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We are approaching Thanksgiving. This year, 19 years since my Dad’s passing, I will be thankful for the lessons that I learned from him.

I wrote about two of those lessons in previous blogs linked here. Getting the Iron Out Door – Lessons from Big D for Developers, Life’s Game Changers – The Power of Thanksgiving The second blog is about the day of his passing and the miracle of the Thanksgiving cows. This October for the first time in 19 years, I returned to the Land described in the blog where I thought the last lesson from my Dad occurred. But another lesson, equally as important was waiting to be discovered this year!

As discussed in the previous blog, my Mom and Dad left Houston for the Land in the late 90’s. It was out in the middle of nowhere in East Texas. I never kept the hand-written directions. So, I did not know how to get to it anymore, since it was before the time of Google maps and I did not have the street address. Until on a whim while on vacation in Tyler, TX, I found the new street address on-line! I now had the location and was close enough (still an hour away!) to drive to the Land on the way back home.

The land and the house that my Dad built looked much the same. I was a bit amazed at how well the metal house has stood the test of time for 20 years. The only thing missing were the cows. I walked around a bit and again thought about that amazing, last Thanksgiving when 10 new calves were born. Getting up to leave, I glimpsed the lake that he dug with an old rusty backhoe. And with that I left for home with what I thought was the last lesson still in my mind’s eye. Except it was not the last one!

I remember the first time my Dad started building the lake. He had just got the backhoe and had begun scraping out a ditch. He took my brother and I out there. Then pointing to a muddy gouge with a few puddles, he said proudly, “Look at my lake!”. My brother and I started laughing. Dad said, “Why are you laughing?”. My bother pointed out, “Dad, when you say lake it connotates images of water! This is not a lake. It is a puddle.” Dad just shook his head, climbed in his backhoe and said, “You will you see smart alecks”.

And we saw. A year or two later there was full-fledged lake. The next year there were fish in the lake and a dock. But Dad kept tweaking the lake up to the day he died. We wondered why he did this, since he proved his point and given us our initial lesson. Having returned to the land and now with the direct coordinates in hand, we were about to find out.

I sent my daughter the coordinates just before leaving from home. She fed the coordinates into Google Earth while we were driving back. The resulting aerial picture of the land and the lake floored me. The picture is above. The lake is more than a fair replica of the State of Texas! The lake was dug before satellite imagery or drones were available. My Dad through persistent sweat, determination, and will made a lake in the shape of the state he loved! He also left us several final lessons from the grave that are applicable for everyday life.

1. Plan with the end in mind. We did not know it until many years later, but my Dad had an ultimate vision for the lake. With each tweak and every plough, he was turning a mud puddle into a lake in the shape of Texas. The lesson for all of us is always start something with the end in mind. A clear vision gives you a clear direction and keeps you on course even when the going gets tough.

2. Don’t get discouraged. My Dad did not get discouraged even when his two oldest sons mocked his first efforts. There will be trials along way. Some rain must fall when building a lake. But drive on through the rain and stick to the plan.

3. Strive to the end. The weeks before my Dad passed away, he was still making tweaks to his lake to make it further resemble Texas. He was striving for excellence up to end. This is a lesson for us in our work. It is important that when we achieve some success not to stop. For the excellence of today is the mediocrity of tomorrow. Finish the race. Keep striving to the end to make your goal a reality!

4. Try and Try again. I will perhaps never know how Dad shaped the lake into the outline of the Texas! He did not have satellite imagery to guide him. But what he did have was a vision, determination, and the willingness to try and try again. He ploughed and experimented until he got the lines right. Sometimes a wrong turn threated to turn his Texas lake into one of Oklahoma! But he shifted his backhoe, back filled the wrong cut and soon he was on the right side of the Red River!

Happy Thanksgiving from the Land with one last message from Big D, communicated almost 20 years from his passing from this life to the next. I know he is up there in the heaven smiling down on a little ranch in Slocum, TX and a lake in the shape of Texas that started as little less than a mud puddle. May we all strive to the fulfill a vision as big as Texas!

Waking Up to Your Why

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Each morning I wake up with a why in my heart and head; sometimes two! What is a why? A “why” is the motivation for taking on something difficult and the purpose for doing so. A why drives you forward even when you feel you can’t go on. Why’s are imperative to change a bad habit or get out of a rut.

I did not always have a why nearby. I did not have an overall cause or purpose from 2007 to 2014. I wandered without a why, for those seven years. In the process, I gained over 100 pounds, lost my drive, and in general was a bear to be around. The years of wandering without a why are described in this blog: Fit to Fat: Lessons Learned While Doubling My Weight

Then three things hit simultaneously at the end of 2014 that got me back on track. First, I learned that I had a serious health issue caused in part by my weight. Second, I received an invite to my 30^th West Point Reunion. Third, I received a discount to Weight Watchers (now WW) through my company. The three combined to develop that first why. I decided to lose weight and increase fitness to look presentable for my 30^th reunion and regain my health!

I was introduced to the power of “why” at Weight Watchers and have expanded my understanding through my own story and experience. Here are 4 things you need to implement your unique why.

1. Visualize Your Why. It is important to have a visual representation as to the outcome you want to obtain. A visual representation serves to remind you why you are making the change and helps to keep you motivated when times get tough. One way to do that is to create a Vision Board; a series of pictures and text snippets that visualize your goal.

Below you see the visual representation of my first “why” that I created at WW on the Hay House Vision Board app (located here Hay House Vision Board). I wanted to do two things as represented in this Vision Board: to lose weight to look decent for my reunion and to get healthy in memory of my parents. Pictures include my company from West Point, a picture of my parents, my WP graduation picture, a picture at near peak weight with a classmate, an image of my family, and me working out in support of my mission! I topped it all off with my class moto “For Excellence We Strive, 85”.

I looked at the Vision Board each day. It drove forward when times got tough. I looked at it after getting through TSA with my CPAP machine, so I could get good rest on a work trip. Or when hitting the hotel gym at 9 PM after work. Or when avoiding a beer and eating vegetables at the concierge lounge. Slowly but surely it kept my eye on the prize as I lost 100 lbs. before the reunion.

2. Adapt Your Why. Once you obtain one “why”, focus on another. Whys are not static. The excellence of today is the mediocrity of tomorrow. A new reason or mission can drive you on to greater things. Here are three of my subsequent “Why’s” to show you what I mean.

First, my reunion served to stoke two new motivations. Having lost 100 pounds, I wanted to lose the other 50+ lbs to achieve Lifetime designation on WW. Second, I wanted to do something to remember a fellow officer who was lost in Afghanistan by supporting returning Veterans. Combining the two, I created my second Why that led to the creation of the McEvoy Memorial Walk in support of the Merivis Foundation. I trained from August to Veterans Day in 2015 to walk 50 miles in one day in support of Merivis and the Young Marines of the Capital Area (read more here Go Big to Get Small – The Art of Improbable Goals ). In the process, this why drove me to my Lifetime weight goal and raised funding for these worthy organizations. Here is a YouTube clip on the walk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaaijB9ybX4

My next goal was to maintain my weight and support the children of St. Jude’s by becoming a Certified Spin Instructor and riding the entire 4-hour St. Jude’s Ride for a Reason. I talk about this motivation in the following blog Spinning is Winning! A Ride for A Reason.

Spinning helped me maintain my weight, diversify my exercise regime, help a worthy cause, and gain a new skill. Now I was ready to play it forward with my current Why.

My current why came about due to two events: a milestone birthday and the ongoing pandemic. Having been given so much, I wanted to pass it on to others. I came up with a new acronym for my Why – CRAFT. The acronym stands for Coach, Religious, Author, Friend, and Teacher. You can read more about CRAFT here 5 by 5, Rumination on a Milestone.

In simple terms, I wake up each day whether in this blog, my continued workouts, or wellness programs paying it forward. It is now my mission to teach others how to heal both their body and soul, especially during this difficult time. To impart what I have learned through example, stories, and wellness programs. Read about one such wellness program called Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium here .

3. Share your Why. When you determine your why, do not keep it to yourself. Share it with friends and family to help prod you on and keep you on track. The ability to share helps you immensely. I am grateful both to my WW Round Rock Saturday group and my sister in law Sheri and niece Rachel for creating Facebook groups. These communities allowed me to share my motivation and progress toward health. Live and share your why with friends to keep moving forward!

4. Wake Up with Your Why. I end with the beginning. Each day you can take concrete steps to wake up with your why. I accomplish this through journaling and meditation. I use the Kindness Journal (located here Kindness Journal) to help prompt me along to realizing my why.

Each day I record three “I am statements” to help me visualize my end goal. Here is a recent example in pursuit of my current why: “I am a devoted coach that passes on the lessons that have served me on my health journey to improve the lives of others”. I also visualize my favorite moment from the day before and list the thing that I will do today to help make the world better. The journal helps me focus on why I was put on this earth. Along with meditation in the form of prayer, I remain fixed and progressing towards my why.

In closing, do not wander and wallow in the unknown without a why. Instead, visualize your why with these four simple tricks and build a better future for yourself and others!