Life Lessons

The Final Five Amazing Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization

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This blog brings to a close our blog series on the Well-Led Guidelines for sustainable company success through a focus on employee wellness.  The first blog, Three Key Reasons Your Organization Should Be Wellness-Led, examined why organizations that make employee wellness have more sustainable success and happier employees. The next two blogs. Five Essential Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization and Five More Powerful Guidelines for Organizational Success, provided the first ten Well-Led guidelines for organizations and projects, while this blog provides the final five.  If you want to hear the series and other content from either our personal blog (this site) or corporate blog site, check out our Change Well podcast available on Spotify and Apple Podcast or on our Wellness Leadership podcast page

We at Wellness Leadership LLC have integrated these fifteen guidelines and the Global Standard for Risk Management from the Project Management Institute to develop a first-in-class assessment and strategy model for sustainable success for organizations, programs, and projects. If you want our services, please get in touch with us on our website, www.wellnessldr.com.  Also, be on the lookout for our first chapbook, The Well-Led Organization, at the end of February 2024.

Now, on to guidelines 11-15 of the Well-Led Organization.

11. Plan in affirmations and thankfulness. In his still relevant 1936 book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote, “Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated.  Some 85 years later, the sage Ted Lasso put this concept in simpler terms, “Believe”! 

You can get people to do incredible things on their own accord if you authentically believe in them and appreciate what they do for the organization.  What are some tips to show you believe in your team and are thankful for them?  Here  are just three:

  1. Post signs of encouragement.  I have seen this simple technique work on many occasions.  On one occasion, I noticed an off-the-rail project transformed by the positivity of the new project manager.  Taking over for the previous, less optimistic project manager, the new leader posted positive messages throughout the project site. This was reinforced by a can-do attitude that empowered the individual team leads.  People went from complaining about obstacles to solving problems.  Soon, the project was on track.  What if your project is remote and not at a single project site? You can be positive and affirming in the stand-up meeting.  One way to do this is to set an affirming word or phrase for the day or open with a success story.
  2. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Okay, I know I have moved from Ted Lasso to Mary Poppins.  But like Mary, always temper your constructive criticism (the medicine) with a positive comment.  Start with a positive comment, and then the person will be more receptive to the recommendation.
  3. Show you are thankful.  Lastly, never underestimate the power of thanksgiving.  A simple handwritten note thanking a person for their efforts can work wonders.  For team efforts, plan a celebratory outing.  A little thanks goes a long way!

12. Be engaged and lead up front. The lesson in leadership is that sometimes, the leader has to show the team how it is done.  This does not mean that every time a team member needs an extra boost to complete a task, the leader has to do it for them.  No! It suggests that at some critical junctures, it is essential that the project director lead the way and show the prowess that got them to the position in the first place.  Also, the leader should be engaged and there for critical moments.  As a Quality Assurance Director for a leading IT consulting firm for 30 years, I always checked whether the project lead was present for critical rollouts.  And nothing got my ire up more as a project lead was not there for a crucial event.

Engaging and showing confidence and resolve during critical events is always the best move of a leader.  First,   it shows your team you care and are with them, especially since most critical deployments happen on the weekend.  Second, you are there for necessary decisions and lend a steady hand if something goes wrong or needs correcting.  Lastly, you are on hand to affirm the team when things go well and take responsibility when things go wrong.

13. Leaders eat last.  While leaders are meant to lead upfront, their needs should be secondary to the team’s.   The best way to get a person’s loyalty and make them feel cared for is to ensure they have the necessary equipment, knowledge, and nourishment. 

I will give a simple example, which I still remember even though it has been over fifteen years.  Our team had a tight deadline and had to present at two remote locations in less than a day. The only way to get to our second location on time was to rent a small prop plane, one seat shy of our party.  Instead of taking the front seat near the pilot, our boss sat in the only place left – a tiny compartment with a flip-out next to the garbage.  The lead wanted us to focus on the presentation close to the time we landed.  I was already loyal to my lead, but that simple gesture cemented it.  Lead up front, but take a backseat to their needs!

14. Be great by doing good!  People work for money but stay engaged when they believe in the company’s mission, vision, and purpose.  Also, it is my experience that most people are generous and want to give back, albeit the form of altruism differs amongst individuals.  An organization with an inspiring vision statement and a purpose beyond the bottom line will drive employees to higher levels.  Likewise, properly formed employee resource groups that allow employees to give back significantly impact employee morale and provide a positive impression of the company to the community.  Let me give an example.  

My prior company had a program established by three younger consultants called CoderDojo.   This program is a coding program for kids and teens, some of whom have never been able to code.  The program provided the consultants with a leadership opportunity and a venue for applying their skills.  The final class was the best part of the program.  The students got to display their coding projects, and judges from our company’s senior leadership handed the awards.  The participants were happy and proud, but the consultants who made up the program were even more motivated!

15. Build in fitness breaks.  The last rule is like the first rule: acknowledge that overwork is counterproductive.    Set a rule that each meeting starts 10 minutes after the hour or half hour, depending on the timing.   Encourage people to set an alarm to move on their watch for at least 10 minutes each hour.   Another way to build fitness in the workday is to have a walking meeting or a fun fitness break.  Establish a wellness calendar with fitness and mindfulness breaks. 

These fitness breaks were especially crucial during the pandemic when everyone stared at their screens for days.  One of the programs we established was Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium.  I knew we had a cohort of Peloton riders on my team, so we established a calendar of live Peloton rides when people would voluntarily ride and high-five each other.  Other programs were Bollywood dance, Yoga, and digital Karaoke.

There you have it!  The last of the fifteen rules for the Well-Led organization.  Next week, we will move back to a topic on individual wellness – Body and Soul combos.  Until then, Change Well! 

Five Ways to Avoid a Blue Christmas

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Christmas is a joyous time for most people. But for some people, particularly those who are apart or have lost loved ones, Christmas can be a sad time. Elvis even sang about it. It goes something like this with a few modifications:


I’ll have a blue Christmas without you,
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you,
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
Won’t be the same this year when you’re not here with me.

And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when those blue memories start calling,
Others will be doing all right,
With their Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

The last few years have been a bit blue for me and my family. On December 20, 2021, we lost my youngest brother suddenly to a heart attack. So, today is the second anniversary of his death; I would like to provide some ideas on how to deal with the sorrow of losing a loved one around the holidays. There are five ways that I have found helpful, even though imperfect.

1. Connect with others and ask for support. Last year, my wife and I spent Christmas with our children and their significant others at an Air BnB. The support of our family went a long way to helping with the sorrow of my brother’s loss. But reaching out and connecting with others can be helpful for those without family nearby. Look for opportunities to connect with others in your community.

For example, I remember Christmas in my hometown of Crosswicks, NJ, fondly. Crosswicks is a historical town where much history happened. This history is all fine and good, but my favorite memory is the camaraderie of our local town around the holidays. Our family joined our fellow “Crosswicksians” each year in the annual bonfire and Christmas Tree lighting. We would all circle the tree at the Community Center and sing Christmas Carols, both secular and religious. Voices rising together as one community, we sang of hope and love! Later, we drank hot apple cider and ate donuts while sharing fellowship about the encroaching holiday Season. To close the day, Santa Claus would ride on the back of the firetruck and toss candy to all of us. It was all a kid could want!

For that day, it was hard to fell blue with all those voices of joy singing as one!

2. Take care of yourself and practice mindfulness, meditation, and prayer. Above all, acknowledge your feelings, feel the loss, and practice self-compassion. One way is to blend meditation with exercise. On Christmas Eve morning, I go on a rosary walk. The rosary is a form of prayer and meditation practiced by me and other Catholics. I wake up early and walk along a local trail saying silent prayers and intentions for my family and those who have passed. This practice helps me both spiritually with prayers and physically with walking. Those dealing with sadness could do something similar following their faith or mindfulness practice. Another option is to look for a Christmas service specifically designed for those who are lonely or have suffered a loss. Our church offers a “Blue Mass,” particularly for those who desire a more subdued celebration of Christmas and want to reflect on their loved ones. Other denominations provide a similar service.

3. Volunteer and Give Back. It is a documented medical fact that helping others helps you. Altruistic actions have been shown to release endorphins. Also, there is always someone else who is suffering like you.

Gordon B. Hinckley, in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, said, “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”

I have found this quote to be very accurate in dealing with the loss of my brother. I will honor him this year by providing a meal to the less fortunate through The Mobile Loaves and Fishes organization. You might want to celebrate a particular charity that your loved one supported. Others are suffering during the holidays from losses such as yours. The best way to lessen the sorrow of your loss is to focus on others.

4. Remember and Memorialize. Think of the fond memories that you have of your departed loved one. I will never forget my baby brother, who could not wait for Christmas. One of the difficult things each Christmas was keeping my brother David from waking up from all his excitement at 2 AM.

My brother Gary and I had a plot to keep David in the room we shared while Mom and Dad slept. To this day, I still do not know why it worked and fooled him every year.

My Dad used plastic on our windows during the Winter to keep in the warmth. Besides keeping out the cold, the plastic also fuzzed up the red light on the radio tower about a mile away enough so we could trick David.

Each time he woke up at night, he asked, “Is it Christmas yet? Let’s wake up Dad and Mom! “Gary and I would point to the red light and say that Rudolph was still flying. Even with that trick, we could only contain him until 5 AM. Then we had to wake Mom and Dad.

In order to delay us while he was getting his Polaroid camera, Dad would say, “Santa is still down here,” and make some rustling sounds to keep us at bay. Oh, how we sat on pins and needles until he gave us the all-clear signal. These positive memories help with the sorrow.

5. Express yourself creatively. One way to memorialize your lost one is with your creative passion. I love to write poetry. And one of the biggest Christmas gifts I ever got was the inspiration I received on Christmas Day of 2021. I had been struggling with a proper memorial for my brother. I knew I had to include his and his wife’s love of dogs. I woke up at 3 am on Christmas morning with this poem fully formed in my mind. I cried tears of joy while writing it down—the names referenced in this poem are the names of my brother and his wife’s dogs.

Zooey looked at Sis,
In that mischievous way,
Where is our Master?
I want to go out and play.

Our yips are a little less yippee,
Our yaps are a little less yappy,
What happened to our Master,
Who always made us happy.

He gave us kisses and never fleas.
He let us do our business on his trees.
What happened to him? Where did he go?
And what happened to our Mom,
She is moving rather slow.

Alvin pawed at Jasmine,
And echoed what Zooey said.
Where is our Master?
Who always patted our heads.

He gave us snacks,
And it was always a treat,
When he let us wrestle,
At the boots on his feet.

Where is he Jasmine?
Where is he now?
We got to help Mom,
And find him somehow.

Then Sis looked at her siblings,
And said with a sisterly grin.
You can’t look for him outside,
You have to look within.

For like our brother Ranger,
He went to his Master above.
Who entered the world one December,
And showered it with love.

And he waits for us in Heaven,
Again, leading the way.
Where there will be no more sorrow,
And all good dogs get to stay.

Then, all four dogs were silent,
As they turned inward and prayed,
And in their souls, they saw our Master,
And again, with their Dad, David,

They yipped and yapped and played!

So, these are five ways to feel happier if your Christmas is Blue. But if they do not work for you, do not allow your grief to become overwhelming, and reach out to a friend or professional help if necessary.
I usually end my podcast with the name of our show, Change Well. But sometimes, a change is hard and sorrowful. In those cases, you may not always be able to Change Well. The loss you feel needs time to heal. But you can always Change Better. You can always draw on friends, family, and others for support. So, when you are blue and not taking the change and the heartache well, you can change better and remember with your heart the one you lost.

People Go On

Don Grier

This Thursday I listened to a wonderful Advent reflection on the Hallow application. This app has transformed my prayer and inner life. In the Advent reflection, Liam Neeson quoted the following from The Weight of Glory by CS Lewis.

“You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”

CS Lewis The Weight of Glory

I had some time during the math class I teach, since I was administering a test, so I decided to take the remaining time after grading homework to write the following poem:

Cultures may change,
And your favorite shows end,
Rules come and go,
And sometimes bend.

But people live on.

Countries will fall,
And others will rise,
Possessions we hold dear,
We later despise. 

But people live on!

Your job you may lose,
And your pantry grows bare,
But you never forget,
The people who care.

Yes, people go on.

All things pass,
On this earth down below,
Except for the kindness,
And the love that we show.

For the people that go on!

The person you meet,
May be a Saint someday,
Or could end up lost,
If you treat them the wrong way.

Remember, the person goes on!

So be courteous, loving,
prayerful and true,
To help those around us,
So, we all pull through.

And be the person that lives on.

by Don Grier 2023.

The Power of Gratitude-The Story of the Thanksgiving Calves

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Before starting this blog, I would like all my followers to know I have launched a company called Wellness Leadership LLC. If you enjoyed my blogs on this site, please check out, https://wellnessldr.com/ for our service offerings. Also, check out our new podcast, Change Well, available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and YouTube. More information is available on Podcast

Numerous studies describe the benefits of practicing thankfulness.  One such study in the Harvard Health Review found that keeping a gratitude journal increased happiness.  Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have researched gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on topics.

One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After ten weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.

I found this to be true in my daily life.  I have kept a gratitude journal over the last seven years.  In addition, I use an app on my phone called HappyFeed to record moments of gratefulness throughout the day.  But one pivotal event in my life will forever cement the power of Thanksgiving.

The event was one of the happiest and saddest in my life. I learned many leadership lessons from my dad -Big D. This story is the last one I learned from Big D and one that I will never forget. It is about the power of being thankful – the ultimate game changer. So, without further to-do, here is the story of the Thanksgiving Calves.

Big D and my mom moved to “The Land” in the late 90s when my Dad retired from Turbocare in Houston. The Land was 30 to 50 acres (depending on how pumped up Dad was feeling that day) in a little town called Slocum in East Texas (population 250). On The Land were a lake (built by my Dad and mom), trees (sycamore, sweet gum), acres of Coastal Grass, and ten extremely overweight cows.

The cows were overweight because my Dad treated them like pets and allowed his grandchildren to feed them early and often. Each cow had a name – Rosie, Susie, Big.

Bertha, etc. – and each was given to a grandchild for a portion of their inheritance.

Dad used to point to a cow and say something like this:

Big D – You see Rosie over there.

Kerri – Yes, that’s my cow! She likes to eat this feed.

Big D – Well, Rosie will have a cow, and that cow will have another cow, which will be for you.

Kerri – Yeah, Grandpop. I love cows.

In the summer of 2002, each of those cows was ready to make the first deposit on the grandchildren’s inheritance. Each was pregnant and set to deliver sometime in November. Unfortunately, Big D was not to see it from here on earth. On November 5, 2002, Big D passed away from a heart attack out near the fence where we would feed the cows. This is the sad part of the story.

Now let’s turn to the story’s happy part and moral. My entire family and I went to The Land for one last Thanksgiving to be with Mom. As we arrived, some light snow had fallen. As we rounded the bend to The Land, we saw two calves just born and starting to walk. The rest of that day and into Thanksgiving Day, nine of the ten calves were born. The only issue was Rosie and her calf belonging to Kerri.

Rosie got extra feed from Kerri and Big D. This was on top of the prodigious coastal grass. Rosie was having trouble birthing her calves. One hour before Thanksgiving dinner, the issue had reached a crisis.

Rosie was mooing loudly and was running around with her half-born calf. Jim from the next farm over had come by to wish us well. He immediately assessed the issue and told my brother and me we had to take Rosie to the vet. Jim went and got his truck and trailer. He also brought our other neighbor, John, another admirer of my dad, and we started to try to corral Rosie into her pen so we could load her into the trailer.

So for the next hour and a half, while the turkey was getting cold, we went up and down The Land, trying to get Rosie into her pen. After many fits and starts (a cow in birth distress is fast and scared), we finally got Rosie behind the plywood gate that passed as our pen.

The next step was filled with hilarity and near tragedy. Before anyone could stop him, my brother Gary got this great idea that he could rope Rosie. Doing his best rendition of John Wayne, he made a makeshift lasso and threw it at her. It did not land correctly but did serve to spook Rosie yet again. I was just outside the pen when the 500-pound cow broke through the plywood gate and straight at me! Let’s say that I moved faster than ever before or since jumping away and landing face down in the mud. Rosie just barely missed me.

Although that last action nearly killed me, it finally tired Rosie out. At 7:00 PM, we finally got Rosie in the trailer. John returned to what was left of his Thanksgiving Dinner after my brother, and I profusely thanked him. Then, Jim and I went to see the vet on call 3o miles away.

On the way to the vet, I secretly prayed that the calf would be all right. Repeatedly, I thought, “Please let the calf be alright,” while Jim and I told stories about Big D and how he would have dealt with Rosie and the calf. I knew he was up there somewhere smiling. We finally got to the vet at about 7:40.

Now, what comes next is fantastic. I had never seen a calf being born; it was a tremendous sight. The vet wrapped a rope around the half-born calf and pulled it. After a few moments that seemed like an eternity, the calf was born – Rosie, Jr. After lying on the ground for a few moments, the calf made its first few steps and was alive. Rosie, although in rough shape at the time, fully recovered.

And at that moment, despite missing Thanksgiving Dinner, I was never more thankful. I was grateful for the gift of the cows from my Dad. I was thankful for the timing and happiness that the calves’ birth gave me and my family. I was grateful for Jim and John, who gave up most of their Thanksgiving to get Rosie to the vet. I was thankful for the gift of new life facilitated by the vet.

Whenever I feel let down or frustrated, I think back to the story of the Thanksgiving calves. And that is a Game Changer. Counting your blessings can change your attitude to one of positivity. It can lift you out of the despair of failure and toward the hope of tomorrow. Here are some thoughts on how to practice an attitude of gratitude.

1. Like Jim and John, who helped to catch Rosie, show appreciation to your family and friends who help you daily. No person is an Island, and our loved ones help us accomplish the mission God has given us!

2. Be thankful for your vocation. Your vocation gives you exciting, engaging work that, quite frankly, puts Thanksgiving dinner on the table (of course, sometimes it prevents you from eating it).

3. Express thanks for the inheritance that was given to you from those who have led the way. Like the Thanksgiving calves that were the inheritance given to my kids from Big D, we all need to remember the people who helped us along the way.

In closing, I would like to share a poem with all of you for this Thanksgiving.

Better attributes you’ll never find,
Then those of being loving and kind!
Showing God’s smile day by day,
Lightening the load along the way.

In this week of thanks and heart,
All of us must do our part,
To spread joy and happiness everywhere,
And to show those around you that you care!

Happy Thanksgiving!