Leadership

Four Proven Ways to Fail Forward

Don Grier

One undeniable truth is that life is a roller coaster.   The secret to a fulfilling life is to fail forward, learn from the lows, and keep moving onward. Hardship and mistakes are our greatest teachers. They are often the catalysts that push us out of our comfort zones and into growth.    The most successful individuals have a common thread-they have made numerous mistakes on their journey to success. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He encountered failure over 1,000 times before creating a working light bulb.  He said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.”

I am not saying that everyone should fail 10,000 times before becoming successful! However, I have four approaches to turning a failure into a success.  

1.  Forget the pain, learn, and gain.  Having a setback can be painful, costly, and humbling.  No one sets out to fail or have a hardship.  But the worst thing you can do when you have a failure is to wallow in it.   Going repeatedly in your mind with regret about what went wrong is wasted emotional energy and gets you nowhere.  Instead, take the time to understand where you went wrong dispassionately, document what you will do the next time, and make adjustments and changes to improve the next time.  Remember that no one gets through this life without having a problem.  You are a person born with a specific mission, and this setback may be the one that allows you to course correct to get on the right path.  I believe that St. John Henry Newmann said it best with his Mission Prayer, which I call to mind when I have a setback.

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” John Henry Newman

When you fail, don’t let your spirits sink.  Press on to fulfill the mission set forth for you.

2.  Proceed with Faith, Hope, and Charity.  When you fall down, the best way to achieve your mission is to proceed with faith, hope, and, most importantly, charity.  You can have faith that, bit by bit, with every setback and every triumph, you are progressing to your ultimate purpose.   Also, hope will carry you through the dark periods.  Think of Edison.  Many filaments failed, but with each failure, he saw the glint of hope of that first electric light.  But most of all, proceed with charity.  It is sometimes easy to lash out at others when things go wrong.  To blame others either for the circumstances or your mistake.  Instead, try to look at every hardship as a blessing to grow.  Even if a person did wish you ill, look for ways to turn the circumstance around.

3.  They Can Knock You Down, But They Can Never Knock You Out.  My first two suggestions came from things I have learned from my faith journey.  But the saying they can knock you down, but they can never know you out, I learned from my favorite Peloton instructor, Kendall Toole.  Kendall had to deal with mental wellness issues growing up.  What helped her to get through her stress and anxiety was the love of her family.  They reminded her that giving up is the only way to get knocked out.   Life is going to give you some body blows.  We must be persistent and determined to take the first hard steps to get off the mat.  In my case, when I had taken a series of wrong steps on my wellness journey, I was literally knocked out, leaving my IT Delivery Center when I tripped and fell on the step at 3 AM in the morning.  But I did not stay down.  I crawled to the bumper of my car, lifted myself, and the next day changed direction.  You can read more about that incident in my first two podcasts and blogs.  And it is part of my podcast theme song.  I was working 18-hour days, I slipped, and I fell.  At that very moment, I knew I had to Change Well.  Sometimes, we need to be knocked down to bounce back to better things.

4.  Be Patient and Have a Plan.   One thing to remember when digging yourself out of a ditch is that you will not climb out all in one day.  The day after I took the tumble at the delivery center, I did not suddenly drop a hundred and seventy pounds overnight.  I had to be patient, plan a path forward, and not jump at the first fad diet that happened my way.  Take the time to do a retrospective to truly discern the root of your problem and then tackle the issue in small chunks.  For some guidance, I again turn to another favorite prayer of mine, “The Litany of Patience.”    Three of the prayer requests are:

1. Deliver me from rash judgment and haste …

2.  From impulsive decision-making…

3. From the desire to act when I need to be still …

Change without a plan is nothing more than chaos. When you need to change course, take the time to be patient and plan your next move.    Don’t let that check in your path turn into a checkmate.  Take the time to change well.

Harness Four Powerful Wellness Concepts To Be Fully Engaged

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Our recent podcast and blog series on the body and soul connection recalled two books.  I am reading He Leadeth Me by Father Walter Ciszek now, and one that helped spur me on during my initial efforts to change well is The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz.  Both books discuss the importance of practicing engagement in all directions and four wellness concepts.  Let’s see what that looks like.

I am going to start first with He Leadeth Me.   If you have the Hallow application, which I spoke about in the previous podcast on Body and Soul routine combos, there is a 40-day Lenten discussion using excerpts from the book.  The book is a memoir of Father Walter Ciszek and his survival in a Soviet prison and later a Siberian Gulag after being falsely accused of crimes.  The book is a powerful spiritual testament to surviving the harshest conditions if you trust God and have a purpose beyond yourself.  It also showed how the stress of the prison camp and Gulag helped Father Ciszek become more spiritually alive.  It is a fantastic book for many reasons, and I recommend it to anyone, even if they are not Christian.    But the point I want to focus on today is Father Ciszek’s quote on the connection between body and soul and the impact each has on the other.  Also, how the stress that he previously put on his body conditioned him physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to deal with his over twenty years in captivity. Here are two pertinent excerpts from the book that will ever remain etched in my mind and heart:

“During my early years in religious life, I had even tried to outdo the legends of the saints in fastings and penances of every sort. But I did it, not so much to punish the body or attain perfection as to prove to the world and to myself how tough I was. Yet it was only now, when each day ended with exhaustion and the body cried out for every extra minute of rest, every little respite from work, every extra crumb of food, that i really came to appreciate the marvelous gift of life god had given man in the resources of the human body. The intimacy that exists between soul and body is a marvel of creation and a mystery of human existence.”

“The mysterious interplay of body and soul is an essential characteristic of our human nature. If the body is sick or sore, tired or hungry or otherwise distressed, it affects the spirit, affects our judgment, changes our personality. So slight a thing as a headache can affect our relations with those around us. It is through the body that we express and experience love and kindness and comfort. We excuse our snappish, petty, ill-mannered conduct to one another on the grounds that the body is having a bad day. We are constantly, day in and day out, hour after hour, under the influence of these mysterious workings of soul on body and body on soul.”

                He Leadeth Me by Walter J. Ciszek with Daniel L. Flaherty, 99

Father Ciszek points out that he could not have kept his soul and emotions intact if he had not trained himself physically.  He also discusses in the book how his spiritual well-being and purpose helped him to drive on even when it appeared physically impossible.

The Power of Full Engagement

Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in The Power of Full Engagement make a similar connection, albeit from a secular viewpoint.  This book was instrumental in starting my wellness journey, and I have referenced some of its four wellness concepts in developing my practice.  The fundamental premise is to become a fully engaged, effective person and leader, you should focus on managing energy rather than time.  The second key idea is that there are four dimensions of energy, the capacity of which you need to increase and manage to be fully engaged and high-performing.  These are:

  1. Physical energy, which focuses on the quantity of energy;
  2. Emotional energy, which defines the quality of energy (for example, compare  the impact of negative talk to positive affirmation on your well-being);
  3. Mental energy, which defines the direction of energy (focused versus distracted);
  4. Spiritual energy, which defines the power and impact of the energy (energy and effort not aligned with spiritual being and vision is wasted)

The third of the wellness concepts is the best way to build up energy in all four quadrants is to train like an athlete with intervals of stress and rest.  If there is too much stress and insufficient rest in any quadrant, you become tired and disheartened.  Alternatively, too much rest without the stress of a challenge leads to complacency and, in extreme cases, sloth. 

The last of these wellness concepts is that the most fundamental energy source is physical; the most significant that guides our vision and purpose is spiritual.  The underlying capacity of our physical energy impacts all other quadrants.  When we are tired, unhealthy, and hyped up on too many all-nighters of pizza and soda, we are often cranky and short with others.  Lack of sleep impacts our ability to focus on our work, and we become distracted. 

On the other hand, without stores of spiritual energy, we can dissipate our energy on the wrong things and forego the purpose for which we were put on this earth.  To refer back to our initial quote from Father Ciszek, if you do not have the physical capacity, you will not have the energy to be led to your ultimate purpose. And if you do not have the spiritual backbone and purpose for living, you will be led in the wrong direction.

I highly recommend that you take the time to read both books.  I cannot underestimate the impact that both have had on my life.  My blogs and podcasts focus on how I used the wellness concepts of these books to change my life.  If you have not had the time, check out Episode 2, which covers techniques in all four energy quadrants, Episode 4, Waking Up to Your Why about the spiritual component, and Episode 7, THINK Yourself to a New You, for ideas on Emotional and Mental Energy.  The podcasts each have links to the associated blogs for a deeper dive into wellness concepts.  In conclusion, let me close by paraphrasing St Francis De Sales.  Within every period of desolation lies the seeds of consolation.  The opposite is also true.  To best build our capacity in all four quadrants of our humanity – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – we must learn how to harness the ebb and flow of stress and relaxation to become fully engaged, fully human, and to change well!

Five More Powerful Guidelines for the Wellness-Led Organization

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We are on the third of four blogs and associated podcasts located at this link – Podcast – discussing the Well-Led guidelines for a successful organization that simultaneously cares for its employees and mission.  You can apply these guidelines to lower risk and increase organizational, program, and project success.

Before discussing Well-Led Guidelines six through ten, let me briefly summarize the previous two blogs.  The first two blogs are located at Three Key Reasons Your Organization Should Be Wellness-Led and Five Essential Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization.

In the first blog, we gave three reasons why support of employee wellness is essential for an organization intent on ensuring sustainable access and lowering risk.  A focus on employee wellness leads to better decision-making, strong camaraderie, a shared sense of purpose, and a reduction in sick days with a corresponding increase in productivity.

In the other blog, we looked at the first five Well-Led Guidelines; all focused on planning with employee health as a critical input.  The first five guidelines were:

  1. Acknowledge that overwork is counterproductive, so plan for downtime in your schedule.  Do not overallocate your people.
  2. Build downtime away from work during the week to allow people to focus on non-work-related tasks.
  3. Incorporate fun and incentives into work.  Indeed, all work and no play makes for a dull existence.
  4. Keep your team energized with healthy and culturally appropriate snacks.
  5. Don’t risk your employees’ health by making them come to the office during a weather or other emergency.

These are just the highlights of the first five Well-Led guidelines. Five Essential Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization has examples of how to do it and anecdotes of what goes wrong if you do not follow the Well-Led guidelines.

Now, let’s jump into Well-Led Guidelines six through ten. 

6. Build civility and respect for the individual in all company processes.   We all know what happens when people do not treat each other civilly.  You have stalemates, animosity, in-action, and resentment.   Just look at the dialogue on Twitter now, X, or our current political impasse. On the other hand, we all know what happens when a team actively listens to one another and allows a voice for the opposite viewpoint.  You make a better decision, avoid group thinking, and build a shared purpose.  But it is not easy.  This does not mean you never need a tiebreaker; that is when authentic leadership emerges.  Or that you always have consensus.  It means that everyone involved understands the reason for the decision and emerges as colleagues who respect but do not necessarily agree.  And perhaps, the opposing viewpoint is turned to when the initial decision does not work.

How do you build an organization based on civility and respect for the individual? Believe it or not, I turn to two political figures:  our first president, George Washington, and a hero of mine and favorite Professor, Texas Congresswoman Barbara Jordan. 

When he was 16, George Washington wrote 110 rules of civility to guide his life. Washington wrote down the rules presumably as an exercise in penmanship but later committed them to practice and memory. They helped develop the decorum, civility, and courage that guided Washington through war and the birth of this nation. You can read Washington’s Rules of Civility here. Washington’s Rules

The rules initially composed by French Jesuit priests in 1565 range from the practical to the profound.  Respect and civility toward friend and foe are at the root of the rules.  Rule 1 lays this idea out perfectly with the words:  “Every action done in the company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.”  Many in the public sphere would do well to take this rule to heart!

Most of the rules have applications today.  One of them that I found particularly compelling is Rule 18:  “Read no letters, books, or papers in the company, but when there is a necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave: come not near the books or writings of another to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unasked also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.”   What does this mean for our sixth Well-Led Guideline?  When you are in a face-to-face meeting, no laptop or phone use.  If you are remote, put your camera on and be present.  No multi-tasking.

There are many more applicable rules on civility.  We have added a link to my blog on this topic in the blog in the show notes.  Washington Rules of Civility for Today

Many of you who pass through Austin have seen the statue of the airport’s namesake, Congresswoman Barbara Jordan.  Ms. Jordan, who I was fortunate to have as a Professor at LBJ School of Public Affairs, was a towering intellect, the epitome of integrity, and a hero to all Texans. She also encapsulated in one person the power of diversity and the spark and spirit that binds us together.

Ms. Jordan, I, and other students had many engaging debates in the classroom.  These discussions were governed by Ms. Jordan’s rules of Civil Discourse, which I took from her engagement in the discussion. I believe each organization should implement something similar.

  1. She understood all angles of an issue. In particular, she could often articulate the opposing views’ perspective better than they could themselves.
  2.  She would then clarify where she agreed with their perspective to emphasize where there was common ground.
  3. Only then would she respectfully bring up where she differed from the group or person’s perspective with concise arguments based on her view of the facts.

7. Technology to help, not replace people.  This next rule, believe it or not, is related to the one that came before.  Organizations, particularly technology-focused ones,  can show bias toward technology, just as human-focused organizations can show to the person with the loudest bullhorn.   Use technology, particularly AI, in a judicious manner.  AI and other technology should be used to free humans from the mundane and to spark creativity from the launchpad of technology.  Not to replace them entirely but to add more value to the organization. 

8. Celebrate diversity and learn about other cultures. Diversity of opinion and the ability to share ideas across cultures, creeds, generations, and genders is transforming.  Each of us brings to a solution a unique perspective that no one else can replicate.  It is tempered by our experiences, upbringing, and the place we call home.  Each person was put on this earth to fulfill a unique purpose.  A true leader’s mission is to meld the singular talents of each person to gain the best result.  What unites us is undoubtedly more significant than what divides us; what unites us is the spark of humanity in each person! It is also imperative for personal growth to learn from one another and to celebrate differences.

In rule six, we already talked about how civilly listening to diverse opinions brings better decisions and engages all participants when done right.  But it also is essential to allow people to be exposed to other cultures in a non-work environment to build understanding.  One way to do this is to build an event like I did with my team.  Each year, we had a Festival of Lights where team members all over the globe shared their holiday pictures and discussed their festival of lights (Diwali, Christmas, Hanukkah, Bodi Day, Quanza, and many more).  It was not mandatory, but people loved it.  It showed the commonalities and differences of our team in a positive light. 

9. Always plan for training. Not planning for training when taking on a new venture or bringing a new person into the organization can hurt morale and stymie productivity.  In my experience, most people want to expand their capabilities and follow their organization into new ventures.  It is, therefore, crucial to provide well-constructed training so people feel that the organization is vested in them and they are enabled for the task in front of them.  I have seen too many projects go south because the leadership did not take the time to refresh members on crucial training topics or introduce new training for the new venture. 

10. Lead from the bottom. The last rule for this podcast is that you need a mechanism to hear and capture ideas from those doing the work.  The best ideas come from those performing the heavy lifting.  So, develop an incentive system to capture team members’ ideas and offer incentives and recognition when their ideas are used. 

Next week’s blog will examine the guidelines eleven through fifteen. Until then Thrive through Wellness.

The Final Five Amazing Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization

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This blog brings to a close our blog series on the Well-Led Guidelines for sustainable company success through a focus on employee wellness.  The first blog, Three Key Reasons Your Organization Should Be Wellness-Led, examined why organizations that make employee wellness have more sustainable success and happier employees. The next two blogs. Five Essential Guidelines for the Well-Led Organization and Five More Powerful Guidelines for Organizational Success, provided the first ten Well-Led guidelines for organizations and projects, while this blog provides the final five.  If you want to hear the series and other content from either our personal blog (this site) or corporate blog site, check out our Change Well podcast available on Spotify and Apple Podcast or on our Wellness Leadership podcast page

We at Wellness Leadership LLC have integrated these fifteen guidelines and the Global Standard for Risk Management from the Project Management Institute to develop a first-in-class assessment and strategy model for sustainable success for organizations, programs, and projects. If you want our services, please get in touch with us on our website, www.wellnessldr.com.  Also, be on the lookout for our first chapbook, The Well-Led Organization, at the end of February 2024.

Now, on to guidelines 11-15 of the Well-Led Organization.

11. Plan in affirmations and thankfulness. In his still relevant 1936 book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote, “Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated.  Some 85 years later, the sage Ted Lasso put this concept in simpler terms, “Believe”! 

You can get people to do incredible things on their own accord if you authentically believe in them and appreciate what they do for the organization.  What are some tips to show you believe in your team and are thankful for them?  Here  are just three:

  1. Post signs of encouragement.  I have seen this simple technique work on many occasions.  On one occasion, I noticed an off-the-rail project transformed by the positivity of the new project manager.  Taking over for the previous, less optimistic project manager, the new leader posted positive messages throughout the project site. This was reinforced by a can-do attitude that empowered the individual team leads.  People went from complaining about obstacles to solving problems.  Soon, the project was on track.  What if your project is remote and not at a single project site? You can be positive and affirming in the stand-up meeting.  One way to do this is to set an affirming word or phrase for the day or open with a success story.
  2. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Okay, I know I have moved from Ted Lasso to Mary Poppins.  But like Mary, always temper your constructive criticism (the medicine) with a positive comment.  Start with a positive comment, and then the person will be more receptive to the recommendation.
  3. Show you are thankful.  Lastly, never underestimate the power of thanksgiving.  A simple handwritten note thanking a person for their efforts can work wonders.  For team efforts, plan a celebratory outing.  A little thanks goes a long way!

12. Be engaged and lead up front. The lesson in leadership is that sometimes, the leader has to show the team how it is done.  This does not mean that every time a team member needs an extra boost to complete a task, the leader has to do it for them.  No! It suggests that at some critical junctures, it is essential that the project director lead the way and show the prowess that got them to the position in the first place.  Also, the leader should be engaged and there for critical moments.  As a Quality Assurance Director for a leading IT consulting firm for 30 years, I always checked whether the project lead was present for critical rollouts.  And nothing got my ire up more as a project lead was not there for a crucial event.

Engaging and showing confidence and resolve during critical events is always the best move of a leader.  First,   it shows your team you care and are with them, especially since most critical deployments happen on the weekend.  Second, you are there for necessary decisions and lend a steady hand if something goes wrong or needs correcting.  Lastly, you are on hand to affirm the team when things go well and take responsibility when things go wrong.

13. Leaders eat last.  While leaders are meant to lead upfront, their needs should be secondary to the team’s.   The best way to get a person’s loyalty and make them feel cared for is to ensure they have the necessary equipment, knowledge, and nourishment. 

I will give a simple example, which I still remember even though it has been over fifteen years.  Our team had a tight deadline and had to present at two remote locations in less than a day. The only way to get to our second location on time was to rent a small prop plane, one seat shy of our party.  Instead of taking the front seat near the pilot, our boss sat in the only place left – a tiny compartment with a flip-out next to the garbage.  The lead wanted us to focus on the presentation close to the time we landed.  I was already loyal to my lead, but that simple gesture cemented it.  Lead up front, but take a backseat to their needs!

14. Be great by doing good!  People work for money but stay engaged when they believe in the company’s mission, vision, and purpose.  Also, it is my experience that most people are generous and want to give back, albeit the form of altruism differs amongst individuals.  An organization with an inspiring vision statement and a purpose beyond the bottom line will drive employees to higher levels.  Likewise, properly formed employee resource groups that allow employees to give back significantly impact employee morale and provide a positive impression of the company to the community.  Let me give an example.  

My prior company had a program established by three younger consultants called CoderDojo.   This program is a coding program for kids and teens, some of whom have never been able to code.  The program provided the consultants with a leadership opportunity and a venue for applying their skills.  The final class was the best part of the program.  The students got to display their coding projects, and judges from our company’s senior leadership handed the awards.  The participants were happy and proud, but the consultants who made up the program were even more motivated!

15. Build in fitness breaks.  The last rule is like the first rule: acknowledge that overwork is counterproductive.    Set a rule that each meeting starts 10 minutes after the hour or half hour, depending on the timing.   Encourage people to set an alarm to move on their watch for at least 10 minutes each hour.   Another way to build fitness in the workday is to have a walking meeting or a fun fitness break.  Establish a wellness calendar with fitness and mindfulness breaks. 

These fitness breaks were especially crucial during the pandemic when everyone stared at their screens for days.  One of the programs we established was Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium.  I knew we had a cohort of Peloton riders on my team, so we established a calendar of live Peloton rides when people would voluntarily ride and high-five each other.  Other programs were Bollywood dance, Yoga, and digital Karaoke.

There you have it!  The last of the fifteen rules for the Well-Led organization.  Next week, we will move back to a topic on individual wellness – Body and Soul combos.  Until then, Change Well!