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5 Practical Ways to Foster Hope in Your Life and Workplace

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Hope is a force multiplier. It drives us to greater heights and impels us to persevere despite the obstacles in our way.  It is the ability to see the light through darkness and drive on through pain to the promise of a brighter future.

Academic studies demonstrate the positive impact of hope.  Carlos Laranjeira and Ana Querido, in an article published in the National Library of Medicine, quoted a large study that found that  “a greater sense of hope was associated with better physical health and health behavior outcomes (e.g., reduced risk of all-cause mortality, fewer chronic conditions, and fewer sleep problems), higher psychological wellbeing (e.g., increased positive affect, life satisfaction, and purpose in life), lower psychological distress, and better social wellbeing.”

Many fictional and real-life stories also show the incredible power of hope. Think of Nelson Mandela, Rocky Balboa,  Pope John Paul II, and JK Rowling, to name just four.  To a lesser extent, I have seen the power of hope in my own life.  Morbidly obese and pressing toward a work deadline that I thought might be out of reach, I was able to get back to my target weight and meet my project deadlines with the help of my friends and hope.

But hope is not easy, nor is it Pollyannish. Bishop Desmond Tutu got it right when he said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”  It is not perpetual optimism, as some have said, but informed optimism that allows us to reflect on our mistakes and know that better days are coming, either in this life or the next.

How do you cultivate an environment of hope within yourself and the workplace?  Here are five ways to be optimistic in the face of adversity.

Learn from Your Mistakes Without Dwelling on them.

One of my favorite TV shows is Ted Lasso (yeah, Season 4 is coming!) due to its underlying message of hope. For those who have not seen it yet, Ted Lasso is a D2 American football coach who takes over an English soccer team and leads them to victory. No one gives him a chance, but his optimism and belief in his team and himself bring him a championship despite many obstacles.

One of my favorite episodes in the show is when the newest soccer player from Nigeria, Sam, gets burned by the team star, Jamie.  Ted tells Sam, after the play, that ‘he should be like a Goldfish, the happiest animal on earth because it has a ten-second memory.’  I cannot do the quote true justice, so here is a link to the top ten quotes from Ted Lasso.  The Goldfish is No. 1 on the video, so you can skip to the 15-minute mark (or listen to the other nine).

Hopeful people do need to be like goldfish when it comes to the pain of mistakes. You should not get overwhelmed by mistakes and hardship. However, I would dare to do Ted Lasso one better with the quote. I advise, “Be a Goldfish with the pain, be an Elephant with the Gain.” 

In every setback, there is a nugget of gold, a lesson that can propel you to your final goal.  Therefore, when you get knocked down, pick yourself up and forget the mistake, but like an elephant who never forgets, remember the lesson.  See the lesson as an opportunity to grow into the person you were meant to be.

Hope is about taking chances, learning from your mistakes, and not dwelling on them. NF rapped about Hope with one of the best definitions of the word. Here is a link to the song Hope, with compelling lyrics that drove me to my personal best on Peloton.

It’s a person who’ll take a chance on
Something they were told could never happen.
It’s a person that can see the bright side
Through the dark times when there ain’t one
It’s when someone who ain’t never had nothin’
Ain’t afraid to walk away from
More profit ’cause they’d rather do something
That they really love and take the pay cut – Excerpt from the Lyrics of Hope by NF (Nathan Feurestein)

Develop a vision board and visualize achieving it. 

One of the main components of hope is a vision of the future where you become the person you should be.  One way to give hope a nudge is to develop a vision board of what you will become.  Below is the vision board that I created when I was at my most unhealthy weight and disposition. 

For more information on developing a vision board and how to use it, please read my previous blog on the topic, which is located here.

Making a vision board is a start, but not enough.  You should wake up every morning to your why and visualize how you will achieve the best version of yourself through meditation and prayer.  A vision without visualization is an empty promise or a meandering dream.  Focus each morning on how you will make that vision happen and reflect each evening on what steps you made to make your vision happen, no matter the size.

Positively affirm yourself and others. 

You will inevitably have setbacks in becoming the best version of yourself.  During these times of setback, you need to affirm yourself.  One thing I do each day is write at least two “I am” affirmations in my Thankfulness Journal.  Here is one from yesterday when I struggled and did not finish this blog and podcast.  “I am an inventive and dynamic blogger and podcaster who helps others.”  It reminded me of the progress that I have made in writing and spurred me on to finish this blog and podcast today. 

Besides affirming yourself, you can help others by affirming their progress as they strive to become the best version of themselves.  Take time to write a handwritten note to a friend that you see making progress.  Or better yet, tell them over coffee or lunch.  We are all trying to make it through this complex and confusing world.  A few words of hope and encouragement help lighten the load and make you a better person.

Use Your Strengths and Understand Your Weaknesses. 

Hopeful people rely on their strengths while still understanding their weaknesses.  One of the best ways to understand your strengths is to take the Clifton Strengths Survey by Gallup.  Why take a survey? For two reasons.  First, we may think we know our strengths, but this scientific survey investigates 34 strength themes.  You may have a hidden strength you are not leveraging or a weakness you are discounting.    Second, when taken by team members, the survey can point out other people’s strengths that can counter your weaknesses and vice versa.   A seemingly impossible team task suddenly becomes possible when you pool the team’s unique talents. 

Hope Springs Eternal.

We move now to the spiritual aspect of hope. There is always room for hope, even if you get on in years like I am. Many people face hardships most of their lives only to go on to success later in life. A good example is Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned much of his adult life only to become president of South Africa in 1994.

 The obstacle or sickness in your way may be the launch pad for success in this life or the next.  We may not always know why a hardship is set in our way.  However, we can look for the value in sacrifice, even if we do not see the reason for it on this earthly plane. 

To close, in his poem, “Essay of Man”, Alexander Pope writes,

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest.
The soul, uneasy, and confin’d from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.”

Let hope spring eternally in your life so you can become the person you were meant to be! 

Be, Be the Bamboo to Lose Weight and Improve Your Wellness

Don Grier

One of my favorite movies is Caddy Shack.  One of my favorite lines is when Chevy Chase tells Danny his philosophy on life and golf.  He says, “Stop thinking. Let things happen and be, be the ball.”  Chevy then goes on to hit a perfect golf shot blindfolded.  Danny then tries after prodding from Chevy and sends the ball into the pond. Why am I discussing a comedy movie on today’s Change Well podcast?  Like Chevy, I want to pass on some hard-learned lessons using a fitting metaphor.  Hopefully, my metaphor will lead to a successful wellness journey without the need to fish your ball out of a pond.  So, to all the Dannys and Danielles out there, if you want to Change Well, be, be the bamboo.

Why did I pick bamboo, of all things, for my words of wisdom?  Bamboo has many characteristics and traits you should strive for to improve your health and wellness.  Here are a few reasons to be like the bamboo when facing life’s challenges. You can listen to the podcast here

1.  Bend, but don’t break. 

Bamboo, when facing a stiff wind, bends but does not break.  Likewise, when you face a challenge or stressor, you should adapt to the challenge, bending but not falling back to negative behavior such as stress eating.  Practice the resilience of bamboo and be flexible.  If things do not go your way immediately, adapt and go with the flow.  The storm will pass, and you will be stronger when facing the challenge.

2.  Build a robust root system. 

Bamboo is slow-growing.  You do not know the plant is taking root for the first five years.  But during this time, bamboo grows in an extensive root system.  Likewise, a person trying to grow healthy and mentally resilient must nurture a system of habits that will nourish them to become a new, better person.  The first tendrils of wellness may not seem much.  In my case,  my first tentative steps to wellness were small.  I started walking around the block and changing my late afternoon cupful of M&Ms for an apple.  I started with only five minutes of meditating and listening to a poem to nourish my soul. 

But this network of habits built upon each other over time and spread. I tracked the increasing support system of positive, nourishing habits with a phone application called Streaks, which showed growth and consistency.  I went from 5 minutes of meditating to 30 minutes of prayer and 2,000 steps to 10,000.  Like bamboo, the changes from this network of habits were not very noticeable at first but formed a robust root system that nourished explosive growth in wellness over time.

3. Build upon your foundation for explosive growth in wellness.

The five years bamboo spends building roots underground pays off in rapid development.  Once the root system is set, bamboo explodes upward, growing up to thirty-five inches in a single day and thirty meters high overall.  Once you build a network of reinforcing wellness habits, you should seize on it like bamboo and grow to even higher goals.  Once you have your wellness habits set, it is important to keep pressing forward by redefining your goals and changing your why.  Here is an example from my wellness journey. Once I hit my target weight, I pushed on to a new goal of walking fifty miles in one day to support Veterans.  After that, I changed it up, became a certified cycling instructor, and participated in five hours straight in spin classes to raise money for St. Jude’s Hospital.  Having spent all that time and effort building your foundation, be like the bamboo and explode upward, building on each goal using your root system for nourishment.

4.  Adapt to the environment. 

Another fantastic quality of bamboo is that it grows in many different climates. It is resistant to disease and pests and needs little water.  In fact, during hot, dry periods, Bamboo leaves curl up to conserve water.  In a drought, some of the leaves even fall off to self-mulch. 

When you embark on your wellness journey, the adaptability of bamboo provides a powerful example.  If the weather turns cold, like in Des Moines, Iowa, look for an indoor venue to keep your walking habit up.  In my case, I walk around the Des Moines skywalk.  If you are on a work trip out of town, look to the concierge lounge to load up on the vegetable plate instead of having a heavy dinner on an expense count.   You can thrive like bamboo in any environment with some planning and forethought.

5. Strength through simplicity. 

Bamboo’s strength comes from its simplicity.  Unbelievably, bamboo has more compressive strength than concrete and has a comparable strength-to-weight ratio as steel.  This strength is due to its uncomplicated design, a hollow fibrous tube with few leaves or branches.  Likewise, when structuring a strong wellness practice, you should avoid the clutter of fad diets and the latest trends and exercises.  Instead, focus on simple and effective walking practices, sufficient sleep, a well-balanced diet, and quiet time away from stress.  Focusing on the simple and decluttering your life from stressors will strengthen you against life’s challenges. 

The Gift of Fatherhood: 5 Ways It Shaped Me into a Better Person

Don Grier

I am looking forward to Father’s Day this Sunday.  I cherish every gift my children have given me over these 36 years of Fatherhood, from plaster cast moldings of their handprints to more recent gifts to events and workshops.  I also love getting some barbeque and a few beers.   But the greatest gift of all is the opportunity, along with my wife, to raise four empathetic, brilliant, and kind adults.   Quite frankly, I believe that instead of getting gifts this Sunday, I should be giving gifts back for the opportunity of being a Father. 

Fatherhood is not always given proper recognition in today’s society. But today’s blog is not focused on the positive impact of fathers on their families and communities. I have written a previous blog called Let’s Celebrate Fathers as Builders. Today, my focus is on the positive benefits of being a father for the father himself.  Indeed, I am healthier, happier, and kinder through my vocation of Fatherhood, and I thank the Father above for giving me the mission!

Here are five ways being an engaged Dad has made me better.

1. It made me more patient. I still need work in this area, but I cannot imagine how I would have turned out if we had not had kids. From the start, I have been an impatient person. My Papaw gave all his grandchildren a nickname. Mine was “Walkie-Talkie” because I always walking, talking, and going places. 

I was hurrying to the top and impatient about anything that got in the way.  But being a father has a way of slowing you down. For example, you can’t walk fast if you are trying to lead a toddler to take their first steps, teach your kid math, or take your daughter to buy a prom dress (especially if it is my middle daughter 😊).  If you don’t take the time to listen, you will miss your child growing up.  Plus, why are you hurrying in the first place?  You will blink, and your children will all be grown up.  So follow that lyric from the old 70’s song by Wayne Newton, Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast.

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, slow down some ’cause you’re makin’ me run

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

2.  It made me lighten up.  Unfortunately, impatience was not the only thing that I needed to work on as I took on my role as a Father.  To say that I am an intense, serious person is an understatement.  I am strictly Type A by nature and find it hard to loosen up and have fun.  Some of my current friends would disagree but did not know me before fatherhood.  Here is an example of my intensity. 

My mom went with me to back to school day back in my junior year when we moved to Texas.  Every 15 minutes, we would have to switch classes and meet the teacher.  I walked directly to class while people were trying to flag me down and say hello or joke.  In her Jersey accent, my mom would say Donn…nie, why didn’t you say hi to those cute girls saying hi to you?  I said something like Mom, we have to get to class, and I do not want us to be late.  As always, I was too focused on the mission and what was next.  I did not have time to have fun or laugh.

But it is hard not to laugh and have fun with your children.  They have an excellent way of humbling you and making you see the humor in everyday life.  How can you not laugh when they smile at you, dance with crazy legs to the Back Street Boys, or even put their pants on backward?    These are just a few of the things.  I also had a hidden gift for kid songs and stories.  I had always written poetry and stories, but they were all serious and overly dramatic.  But as a dad, I found I had a knack for stories.  My oldest daughter and her friends still remember “The Tales of Super Guinea and Sharky Shark” and Super Fanny Pack Mom. 

3.  It helped me stay fit and get healthy. Being a dad is a catalyst for maintaining your health, and if you lose your health, a prod to turn it around.  When the children were younger, staying fit to keep up with them was relatively easy.  I even made up fitness routines for shopping when I could not exercise alone.  Here is an idea for dads who need to get groceries with the kids in tow.  It is called Crazy Cart.  I used to go to HEB with my two middle children in twin seats in the shopping cart and my oldest daughter running alongside me.  We see how fast we could run up and down the aisles shopping while other shoppers jumped out of the way.  Our record for $100 in groceries was under 8 minutes!  Later, I loved playing soccer with my son in the backyard.  When he was little, I let him get ahead, and then I would return and win until I could not!

Later, as they got older and entered their school sports, I gained weight by focusing on work and making money for the family.  Then, wanting to be around them as they struck out on their lives made me want to get healthy.  I remember my son’s high school graduation, which was one of the catalysts for me returning to shape.  Weighing in at 350+, I was ashamed to be in his picture.  The fact that he was happy for me to share that day spurred me on to better for him and myself.  Four years later, I was 170 pounds lighter for his college graduation.

4.  It helped me with empathy and emotional intelligence. From our discussion so far, you can probably tell I did not have a high EQ before becoming a father. Dads have to become more empathetic and emotionally aware as they adjust to their children’s different talents. Each kid is unique, with a different way of reacting to you.   For example, I have the Dad voice of all Dad voices.  However, it is highly counterproductive when dealing with my middle daughter.  It’s a liability more than an asset with all the kids, but that is the empathy side.  I had to find different ways to connect with each kid and meet them where they are.  

5. It helped me become a better team player.  Lastly, being a Dad made me a better team player, especially with my wife.  As parents, you need to present a united front.   Kids are adept at finding any difference in their parent’s opinions and using it to their advantage.  Also, a family unit is built on loyalty, teamwork, and sacrifice.  Individual contributors need not apply. 

So there you have it—five ways the gift of fatherhood made me a better person.  I want to close with a poem that I wrote about the most outstanding achievement of any father and his wife.  A great family.  I wrote this poem at my youngest daughter’s graduation ceremony after seeing a picture of my four children at that event.

Some invest in stocks,
Others purchase gold,
Other invest in real estate,
And Futures bought and sold,

But we invest in our kids,
My lovely wife and I,
And moments like your graduation,
Make me want to cry,

With a heartfelt exclamation,
And thankfulness unbound,
With joyfulness and love,
And smiles all around!

Four Proven Ways to Fail Forward

Don Grier

One undeniable truth is that life is a roller coaster.   The secret to a fulfilling life is to fail forward, learn from the lows, and keep moving onward. Hardship and mistakes are our greatest teachers. They are often the catalysts that push us out of our comfort zones and into growth.    The most successful individuals have a common thread-they have made numerous mistakes on their journey to success. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He encountered failure over 1,000 times before creating a working light bulb.  He said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.”

I am not saying that everyone should fail 10,000 times before becoming successful! However, I have four approaches to turning a failure into a success.  

1.  Forget the pain, learn, and gain.  Having a setback can be painful, costly, and humbling.  No one sets out to fail or have a hardship.  But the worst thing you can do when you have a failure is to wallow in it.   Going repeatedly in your mind with regret about what went wrong is wasted emotional energy and gets you nowhere.  Instead, take the time to understand where you went wrong dispassionately, document what you will do the next time, and make adjustments and changes to improve the next time.  Remember that no one gets through this life without having a problem.  You are a person born with a specific mission, and this setback may be the one that allows you to course correct to get on the right path.  I believe that St. John Henry Newmann said it best with his Mission Prayer, which I call to mind when I have a setback.

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” John Henry Newman

When you fail, don’t let your spirits sink.  Press on to fulfill the mission set forth for you.

2.  Proceed with Faith, Hope, and Charity.  When you fall down, the best way to achieve your mission is to proceed with faith, hope, and, most importantly, charity.  You can have faith that, bit by bit, with every setback and every triumph, you are progressing to your ultimate purpose.   Also, hope will carry you through the dark periods.  Think of Edison.  Many filaments failed, but with each failure, he saw the glint of hope of that first electric light.  But most of all, proceed with charity.  It is sometimes easy to lash out at others when things go wrong.  To blame others either for the circumstances or your mistake.  Instead, try to look at every hardship as a blessing to grow.  Even if a person did wish you ill, look for ways to turn the circumstance around.

3.  They Can Knock You Down, But They Can Never Knock You Out.  My first two suggestions came from things I have learned from my faith journey.  But the saying they can knock you down, but they can never know you out, I learned from my favorite Peloton instructor, Kendall Toole.  Kendall had to deal with mental wellness issues growing up.  What helped her to get through her stress and anxiety was the love of her family.  They reminded her that giving up is the only way to get knocked out.   Life is going to give you some body blows.  We must be persistent and determined to take the first hard steps to get off the mat.  In my case, when I had taken a series of wrong steps on my wellness journey, I was literally knocked out, leaving my IT Delivery Center when I tripped and fell on the step at 3 AM in the morning.  But I did not stay down.  I crawled to the bumper of my car, lifted myself, and the next day changed direction.  You can read more about that incident in my first two podcasts and blogs.  And it is part of my podcast theme song.  I was working 18-hour days, I slipped, and I fell.  At that very moment, I knew I had to Change Well.  Sometimes, we need to be knocked down to bounce back to better things.

4.  Be Patient and Have a Plan.   One thing to remember when digging yourself out of a ditch is that you will not climb out all in one day.  The day after I took the tumble at the delivery center, I did not suddenly drop a hundred and seventy pounds overnight.  I had to be patient, plan a path forward, and not jump at the first fad diet that happened my way.  Take the time to do a retrospective to truly discern the root of your problem and then tackle the issue in small chunks.  For some guidance, I again turn to another favorite prayer of mine, “The Litany of Patience.”    Three of the prayer requests are:

1. Deliver me from rash judgment and haste …

2.  From impulsive decision-making…

3. From the desire to act when I need to be still …

Change without a plan is nothing more than chaos. When you need to change course, take the time to be patient and plan your next move.    Don’t let that check in your path turn into a checkmate.  Take the time to change well.