Father’s Day

The Gift of Fatherhood: 5 Ways It Shaped Me into a Better Person

Don Grier

I am looking forward to Father’s Day this Sunday.  I cherish every gift my children have given me over these 36 years of Fatherhood, from plaster cast moldings of their handprints to more recent gifts to events and workshops.  I also love getting some barbeque and a few beers.   But the greatest gift of all is the opportunity, along with my wife, to raise four empathetic, brilliant, and kind adults.   Quite frankly, I believe that instead of getting gifts this Sunday, I should be giving gifts back for the opportunity of being a Father. 

Fatherhood is not always given proper recognition in today’s society. But today’s blog is not focused on the positive impact of fathers on their families and communities. I have written a previous blog called Let’s Celebrate Fathers as Builders. Today, my focus is on the positive benefits of being a father for the father himself.  Indeed, I am healthier, happier, and kinder through my vocation of Fatherhood, and I thank the Father above for giving me the mission!

Here are five ways being an engaged Dad has made me better.

1. It made me more patient. I still need work in this area, but I cannot imagine how I would have turned out if we had not had kids. From the start, I have been an impatient person. My Papaw gave all his grandchildren a nickname. Mine was “Walkie-Talkie” because I always walking, talking, and going places. 

I was hurrying to the top and impatient about anything that got in the way.  But being a father has a way of slowing you down. For example, you can’t walk fast if you are trying to lead a toddler to take their first steps, teach your kid math, or take your daughter to buy a prom dress (especially if it is my middle daughter 😊).  If you don’t take the time to listen, you will miss your child growing up.  Plus, why are you hurrying in the first place?  You will blink, and your children will all be grown up.  So follow that lyric from the old 70’s song by Wayne Newton, Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast.

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, slow down some ’cause you’re makin’ me run

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

2.  It made me lighten up.  Unfortunately, impatience was not the only thing that I needed to work on as I took on my role as a Father.  To say that I am an intense, serious person is an understatement.  I am strictly Type A by nature and find it hard to loosen up and have fun.  Some of my current friends would disagree but did not know me before fatherhood.  Here is an example of my intensity. 

My mom went with me to back to school day back in my junior year when we moved to Texas.  Every 15 minutes, we would have to switch classes and meet the teacher.  I walked directly to class while people were trying to flag me down and say hello or joke.  In her Jersey accent, my mom would say Donn…nie, why didn’t you say hi to those cute girls saying hi to you?  I said something like Mom, we have to get to class, and I do not want us to be late.  As always, I was too focused on the mission and what was next.  I did not have time to have fun or laugh.

But it is hard not to laugh and have fun with your children.  They have an excellent way of humbling you and making you see the humor in everyday life.  How can you not laugh when they smile at you, dance with crazy legs to the Back Street Boys, or even put their pants on backward?    These are just a few of the things.  I also had a hidden gift for kid songs and stories.  I had always written poetry and stories, but they were all serious and overly dramatic.  But as a dad, I found I had a knack for stories.  My oldest daughter and her friends still remember “The Tales of Super Guinea and Sharky Shark” and Super Fanny Pack Mom. 

3.  It helped me stay fit and get healthy. Being a dad is a catalyst for maintaining your health, and if you lose your health, a prod to turn it around.  When the children were younger, staying fit to keep up with them was relatively easy.  I even made up fitness routines for shopping when I could not exercise alone.  Here is an idea for dads who need to get groceries with the kids in tow.  It is called Crazy Cart.  I used to go to HEB with my two middle children in twin seats in the shopping cart and my oldest daughter running alongside me.  We see how fast we could run up and down the aisles shopping while other shoppers jumped out of the way.  Our record for $100 in groceries was under 8 minutes!  Later, I loved playing soccer with my son in the backyard.  When he was little, I let him get ahead, and then I would return and win until I could not!

Later, as they got older and entered their school sports, I gained weight by focusing on work and making money for the family.  Then, wanting to be around them as they struck out on their lives made me want to get healthy.  I remember my son’s high school graduation, which was one of the catalysts for me returning to shape.  Weighing in at 350+, I was ashamed to be in his picture.  The fact that he was happy for me to share that day spurred me on to better for him and myself.  Four years later, I was 170 pounds lighter for his college graduation.

4.  It helped me with empathy and emotional intelligence. From our discussion so far, you can probably tell I did not have a high EQ before becoming a father. Dads have to become more empathetic and emotionally aware as they adjust to their children’s different talents. Each kid is unique, with a different way of reacting to you.   For example, I have the Dad voice of all Dad voices.  However, it is highly counterproductive when dealing with my middle daughter.  It’s a liability more than an asset with all the kids, but that is the empathy side.  I had to find different ways to connect with each kid and meet them where they are.  

5. It helped me become a better team player.  Lastly, being a Dad made me a better team player, especially with my wife.  As parents, you need to present a united front.   Kids are adept at finding any difference in their parent’s opinions and using it to their advantage.  Also, a family unit is built on loyalty, teamwork, and sacrifice.  Individual contributors need not apply. 

So there you have it—five ways the gift of fatherhood made me a better person.  I want to close with a poem that I wrote about the most outstanding achievement of any father and his wife.  A great family.  I wrote this poem at my youngest daughter’s graduation ceremony after seeing a picture of my four children at that event.

Some invest in stocks,
Others purchase gold,
Other invest in real estate,
And Futures bought and sold,

But we invest in our kids,
My lovely wife and I,
And moments like your graduation,
Make me want to cry,

With a heartfelt exclamation,
And thankfulness unbound,
With joyfulness and love,
And smiles all around!

Let’s Celebrate Fathers as Builders!

Don Grier1 Comment

This Father’s Day, I celebrate Dads as builders! I revel in those fathers who built buildings, large families, Turbines, farms, and all of us up to love! Amidst all the tearing down recently in our country, it is time for us Fathers to build up! Here are four examples of Fathers building up.

1.  Building a family with bricks and good earth.  My Father-In-Law, along with his wife, built a loving family of 10 borne on bricks, love, and good Minnesota earth.  The first time I met Cal, he took me to his Raspberry farm to work and to talk about his tractor.   This was the same raspberry patch my wife and her nine siblings learned responsibility each summer.  Later, Cal took me to see the buildings he built as a Union Bricklayer.  As we talked, I appreciated how he built a family, brick by brick, berry by berry.  A man of few words, his example spoke volumes.

2.  Building engines that power cities, civil life, and a family.  My father, Big-D, was a dynamo! Like the turbines that he built at his work, Big-D energized civil life and a family through respect and love.  He was a Union Vice President, a Cub Master, a baseball coach, and president of several civic organizations.  He taught me and the community how to throw a curve ball, build a car for the Pinewood Derby, and negotiate to get what a worker needs and deserves.  Countries are built on civic organizations, not tweets!  Read more here (American Anthem: More Crosswicks less Crosswise ). Dad, along with my mother, taught us how to live, love, and learn in a community. 

3.  Building in the background with humility and hard work.  God is the ultimate father as a builder.  He built heaven and this good earth, which we are called to protect.  And when God selected an earthly father to protect and teach his only Son, he selected St. Joseph.  A quiet, humble man, Joseph patiently taught the Son of Man how to build amongst humanity with his hands and heart.  Joseph stood in the background and let his work show forth through the works of the Son.  Joseph prayed and sent a path for what all good Fathers wish for their Sons; a life that eclipses their own and sets the world aright.

4. Building bridges of love.  My first three examples are no longer walking in physical form with us.  But I know that their example lives on, teaching us to build bridges of love across all humanity.  I see the builder in the young fathers I come in contact with in my work and ministries. Getting up at night to comfort a little one and waking up early each morning to work each day just a little sleep deprived.  And I remember how hard it is to be a builder, cheer as their families grow in love, and serve as an example to all of us that love knows no bounds.   

A Father’s love knows no boundaries.  It builds up instead of tears down.  It builds bridges across humanity and through time!  It is color blind and love rich.  Let’s all be builders in our families and society!

The Ballad of Big D

Featured1 Comment

Reposting of Ballad of Big D on 20th year of his passing:

He was larger than life, his name – Big D,
Born with a heart of gold for all to see,
He loved and fought for his family,
A hero and a teacher, he was everything to me.

Water’s for tear drops, Dickel’s for drinking,
you always knew what Big D was thinking.
Whether at a baseball game or Union hall,
There was never a doubt on what side he’d fall.

Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above.

He drank a little, cared a lot,
His friends, Big D never forgot,
Luby, Pete, Andy, and John,
None of them forgotten, all of them gone.

We lost him that day, out on the land,
And what followed seem like it was planned,
For God conspired to bring forth new life,
Baby calves to ease the sorrow of his kids and wife.

Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above

Bridge: Love endures, Faith abounds,
In the silent solace that was found,
From the last story he told his family ,
We love you forever, Our Dad Big D.

Chorus: Big D was not perfect, but he showed perfect love,
In the right direction, you didn’t need to shove,
He always led, never followed,
His pride he at times swallowed,
Guided by a nudge from the Lord above.

If you want to read more about the stories behind the ballad read these blogs on Big D:

https://weightlossleadership.com/2017/12/28/lifes-game-changers-the-power-of-thanksgiving/

https://weightlossleadership.com/2018/04/04/the-lessons-i-leaned-when-running-away/

https://weightlossleadership.com/2017/12/26/lessons-from-leaders-how-to-get-the-iron-out-the-door-and-not-have-it-come-back-in/

https://weightlossleadership.com/2018/06/17/a-fathers-day-tribute-the-one-song-that-always-makes-me-cry/

A Father’s Day Tribute: The One Song That Always Makes Me Cry

Don Grier1 Comment

I think for all of us there is one song that strikes so much emotion that by the end of the song, we can’t avoid the tears.  I know the song for me and it is particularly poignant on this Father’s Day: Trent Tomilson’s One Wing in the Fire.  Quite frankly I can’t make it through the first verse without breaking down most of the time.  Here is the song if you want to listen. One Wing in The Fire

When we are growing up, most of us think of our Dads as heroes and some of us (like yours truly) as God like.  They protect us, nurture us and lift us up.  As we get older, we usually evolve into a more nuanced view.  Our fathers may lose a bit of the hero or God like status.  But as we deal with our own personal struggles as Fathers we realize that with all their faults, our Fathers may not be Gods but at the very least, they are Angels, even though they may have One Wing in the Fire.

My Dad, known affectionately as Big D, was larger than life to his family and friends.  He was our Cub Master, Baseball Coach, Union Vice President, friend to our friends, and all around great Dad.  But he did like all of us have flaws.  He was like the subject of Trent’s song – An Angel with No Halo and One Wing in the Fire.  I would like to reflect on three portions of that song to explain why it is so important to me and even now 15 years since his death brings deep emotion.

The first verse has these words:

“Daddy’s been a back-row Baptist
With his share of front-row sin
His Saturday night still on his breath
Every Sunday when he’d walk in
He’s never led the Benediction
He’s never sang in the choir
But he’s an angel with no halo
And one wing in the fire”

My Dad always called himself a back-sliding Baptist, even as he supported our Mom in raising us Catholic.  He also had been known to have a few drinks on Friday and Saturday nights and raised a little heck.  But he was an Angel in the way he cared for Mom, me and my siblings both spiritually and physically.   I remember him attending each of our Sacraments and religious holidays.  He also supported our church by being the coach of its basketball team.   He may not have sang in the choir, but each St. Patrick’s Day and Easter, he sang the protestant hymn the Old Rugged Cross to be part of the Henry clan singing Irish tunes and hymns around the kitchen table.

If I can make it through the first verse,  I usually falter on the third verse.  This verse goes like this:

“Daddy’s always been there for me
From T-Ball to touchdowns
Fixed my car and fixed my heart
When they’ve been broken down
I know he calls for more forgiveness
Than most folks do require
But he’s an angel with no halo
And one wing in the fire”

Truer words have never been said than the first four lines of that verse.  My Dad coached me from T-ball through Little League.  Many in Crosswicks still remember the rivalry between Don Grier’s Chesterfield Red Sox and Bill Haluska’s Chesterfield Black Sox!     Besides being my baseball coach, he was my Cubmaster, basketball coach, and all-around Football and wrestling supporter.  The picture attached here shows Dad supporting me my Junior year in Football.

big-d

He was always the loudest in the stands (although sometimes he got a little too loud, like the time he was expelled from the Shawnee Wrestling Match).  Finally, let’s not forget about fixing cars and hearts.  My Dad could fix our family car by himself except on rare occasions.  Even though my brother and I could not help him that much since we could not tell a 3/16th wrench from plyers (think Frazier and Marty Crane from the Frazier TV show and you get the picture)!

If I am still composed by this time, I cannot make it through the last verse:

“Well, I just can’t imagine
What Heaven might be like
If me and mama make it
Without daddy by our side
Lord, could you please remember
When it’s time to call us higher
That he’s an angel with no halo
And one wing in the fire”

This last verse always brings me back to one of the most poignant days of my life – my Dad’s funeral.  Even though my Dad was a Baptist, my Mom asked me if I could get a Priest to preside.  With some trepidation, I asked the local Priest in Palestine, Texas to preside.  He was a missionary priest from India and I was concerned that his homily/eulogy would not resonate with my Dad’s side of the family.  I was also concerned as to whether he would do it since my Dad was not Catholic.

But God works in his mysterious ways.  The priest not only agreed to do the service but gave one of the most memorable homilies of my life.  The gist was this.  We all enter this world crying.  We have left the nurturing embrace of God and mother’s womb to face an uncertain world.  But when a person leaves the world, it is his family and friends who do the crying, but they should not.  It should be a time of joy and hope since the departed is returning home.  It is the duty of those on earth to wish them well and pray for a speedy return to the loving embrace of the ultimate Father.

On this Father’s Day, I ask all of us who have Dad’s who are Angels who may have one wing in the fire to pray for their speedy flight to Heaven.  Think of all they have done for you and pray God dusts off the ashes, shines up their halo, and welcome them home.