wellness

How to Stay Healthy in the City That Never Sleeps

Don Grier

I just got back from the city that never sleeps last week.   My wife and I had a great time with our son and his wife, and we got a lot of exercise.  We walked at least 12,000 steps each day.  New York could also be called the city where everyone walks. 

When I weighed in on the day I got back, I was half expecting to have dropped a few pounds. However, I was shocked that I had gained 5 lbs. in 5 days. How did that happen? I ate a little more, but not to excess. I did not eat pizza, steaks, or more than a beer a day. The extra exercise should have countered it. 

After reviewing my Fitbit data while trying to soothe my aching muscles, I identified the twin culprits.    I should have known since both problems have waylaid my wellness journey in the past.  The person who barely sleeps and seldom stretches went to the city that never sleeps and always walks! 

Too little sleep and insufficient stretching have been the two most significant negative factors in my health, including during my weight loss journey when I lost 170 pounds. Here are just a few anecdotes to prove my point. If you want to read more about my wellness journey, read our blog page. You can also listen to our Change Well Podcast.

1. Impact of Sleep Apnea on Health. 

I had undiagnosed sleep apnea as I was heading to my peak weight.  Sleep apnea is a severe sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly starts and stops.  I thought I was tired from too much work, but I was not getting a restful sleep.  I also was impacting the sleep of others, as my kids noted (and recorded) on a vacation trip.

I went to a sleep study, where they confirmed sleep apnea and prescribed a C-PAP. As you see below, a C-PAP is a medical device that forces air through a mask to open up your airways. Even though I looked like something out of my Son-In-Law’s Steampunk movies, I wore it every night for a year until I rectified the condition.  The impact of getting more sleep was immediate and positive. In one month, without changing other habits, I lost twenty pounds.

Sleep apnea causes several conditions that lead to weight gain. The first one is metabolic syndrome, which includes high blood pressure, abnormal cholesterol levels, high blood sugar, and an increased waist circumference and is linked to a higher risk of heart disease.  I had all of these, including yet-to-be-diagnosed with heart disease. Another symptom is daytime drowsiness and irritability, which makes it harder to exercise and raises the level of cortisol. 

I could go on discussing how lack of sleep wreaks havoc on the hormones that control appetite, but the bottom line is that sleep apnea and lack of sleep must be tackled head-on. I got so much benefit out of my C-PAP that I took it with me on all my business trips. It was a pain lugging it around in airports and finding distilled water late at night once arriving (the machine requires it), but that ugly mask in an equally non-stylish grey case saved my life and my health.  And after a year of using it and losing a great deal of weight in part because of it, my sleep apnea was resolved.

C-PAP Machine

2.  Anxiety and sleep deprivation. 

Sleep apnea is not the only thing that detracts from a good day’s rest.  Anxiety and worry can cut into your sleep time and can cause weight gain and lack of productivity.  I still struggle with getting enough sleep, and more often than not, it is due to the worst casting of upcoming events or replaying negative things from the day before. 

The impact of less than seven hours of sleep due to anxiety is harmful to health.   I have now tracked my eating and health habits for ten years in Fitbit and the WW applications, and the number one factor correlating to a weekly weight gain, in my case, is not getting enough good sleep.  I have maintained my weight through a momentary eating binge or a weekend on the couch, but if I have had a bad week of sleep, I will gain.  Everyone is a bit different, but that is the case with me. 

3.  The Benefits of Stretching.

Now, let us switch to my other nemesis: stretching. Some people love to stretch; I hate it! However, after tweaking my back numerous times and having all the flexibility of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz, I know I need to do it.

The health benefits of stretching are well-documented.  One of the most significant benefits is that it helps prevent injury.  I know this firsthand from the times I have been laid up in bed due to a back spasm or my legs locking up on me.  However, these problems have significantly reduced since I started my daily stretching habit.

Another benefit of stretching is reducing anxiety. Deep breathing practices combined with stretching have been shown to reduce stress and stress eating. You do not need to be a Yogi to benefit from stretching, deep breathing, and meditation. As for me, I stretch in a pool while silently praying. The pool’s buoyancy helps me with my tight muscles and ability to do stretches that require balance, like a hamstring stretch.

Now that we have examined the adverse effects of not sleeping and stretching and the positive benefits of doing so, let’s return to my recent trip to New York.  NYC is called the city that never sleeps for a good reason.  If you are anywhere in the city, you must deal with street noise at all night hours (even eight floors up as we were) and light pollution (in our case, we are directly across from the Empire State Building).  Even though I wore a sleep mask and earplugs provided by the hotel, I could not sleep well.  Also, anxiety from having to make a big decision and meeting new people for the first time seriously curtailed my sleep – an average of less than 4 hours of sleep for the time I was there. 

Next, let’s look at my failure to stretch.  Despite walking the whole High Line, Chelsea Market, and most of Brooklyn, I did not do as much as a calf stretch.  This contrasts with my wife, who had scheduled a robotic massage from Aescape.  If you are interested in seeing what a robotic massage is, I have included a link to a video from Aescape, a company mentioned on The Late Show.  The result of my lack of stretching and my wife’s forethought in scheduling a massage is I tweaked my back on the return flight, setting me back a few days while she was back at it the day we returned to working at our Apiary.

4. How to Sleep and Stretch Better

My previous experiences and a recent trip to  New York indicate the importance of sleep and stretching on health.  Here are four practices to help you sleep and stretch more.

1.  Establish a relaxing pre-sleep ritual. To sleep better, you need to quiet your mind before going to bed.  Read a book.  Listen to quiet music. Pray or meditate.  And most importantly, turn off the TV and your phone.

2.  Limit noise and light pollution. This may not be possible in cities like NYC, but try your best with blackout curtains, earplugs, and sleep masks.  Also, if you can, turn off your Wi-Fi.  I have found that turning off the router at night helps with sleep.

3.  Turn on white noise or natural sounds.  I have found that listening to the ocean or rain sounds helps me sleep.  Several manufacturers make devices that play soothing sounds for sleep

4.  Stretch to reduce anxiety and encourage sleep.  Keep up your daily stretching habit when on vacation to relieve muscle tightness and stress.  No matter the small size of a hotel room in NYC, you can still find room to do a calf stretch.  Better yet, have the forethought to schedule a massage like my wife.

I will close in my usual manner with a song.  I may not be Frank Sinatra, but I started spreading the news about the importance of sleep and stretching in NYC and worldwide.

Start spreading the news, you need it today,
You must sleep and stretch in New York, New York.
These ragged boat shoes have walked all day.
Right to the very heart of it in old New York.

I want to sleep in the City that never sleeps,
And find I am rested well; top of the heap.
My muscle fatigue is melting away,
I got a robotic massage in old New York.

If you can sleep and stretch there, you can do it anywhere.
It’s up to you, New York, New York.

The Importance of Civility, Kindness, and Active Listening on Wellness

Don Grier

Today, I will hit a recurring theme on the Change Well blog – the importance of civility, kindness, and active listening on wellness. I don’t want to sound too hyperbolic, but I believe these traits are critical to the soul of this great nation.   The only way to continue to grow is to listen with an open mind to the things you don’t know about yourself and others.  It would be best if you seized on the commonalities to convince yourself to do so and not discount what someone different says, discern the reasons for the differences, and diplomatically discuss.  Is this naïve?  Maybe.  Is it always doable?  No.  But you have to try to improve your wellness and that of others.

I have to admit I have not always been diplomatic in my discussions. At times, my colleagues feared discussing certain topics with me because they knew they would raise my ire.    My friends and foes had a name for it.   Instead of The Wrath of Kahn (of Star Trek fame), they called it The Wrath of Don.  But I learned as I got older that yelling and being obstinate gets you nothing but high blood pressure, coursing cortisol through your veins, and closed minds toward you and your ideas. This realization led me on a journey of personal growth and transformation, inspiring me to change my approach to disagreements.

How do you disagree without being disagreeable and listen without losing yourself and your moral rudder? Sometimes, you must stand your ground, but knowing when and how is critical. It is not a science but an art and is the essence of being human.   To understand how to be diplomatic when you disagree, let’s look at real-life examples of people who model this behavior and the lessons they taught.

1 Look for commonalities.   

One of the best examples of two people who rarely agreed but were good friends and respected each other’s intellect was Justice Scalia and Justice Ginsberg.  They found a shared love for opera, cooking, and growing up in New York, which brought them together.  They both deeply loved the Constitution, even though it was from different viewpoints.  Scalia was conservative to the bone and was the master of dissent, while Justice Ginsberg anchored the liberal side of the court.  They often vacationed together based on their mutual shared interests. 

However, in the court, they rarely saw eye to eye but had enough respect for the other to share their dissent, often to improve the argument of the other.   Justice Scalia once said of Justice Ginsburg in a 2013 interview:  “She has done more to shape the law in this field than any other justice on this court,”  Later, he said, “She will take a lawyer who is making a ridiculous argument and just shake him like a dog with a bone.”   Ginsberg had no less respect for Scalia.  Upon hearing of his death, she said of Justice Scalia, drawing from their shared love of Opera:  “Toward the end of the opera Scalia/Ginsburg, tenor Scalia and soprano Ginsburg sing a duet: “We are different, we are one,” different in our interpretation of written texts, one in our reverence for the Constitution and the institution we serve. From our years together at the D.C. Circuit, we were best buddies. We disagreed occasionally, but when I wrote for the Court and received a Scalia dissent, the opinion ultimately released was notably better than my initial circulation.

When you draw on commonalities and listen to others with respect, you will inevitably strengthen your position and may find a way to find common ground.  And if you don’t find common ground, the differences will be made clear without rancor or vitriol.

2.  You can argue but should never quarrel. 

One of my favorite authors is GK Chesterton.  The king of paradoxes and the champion of orthodoxy.  He wrote in his autobiography concerning debates with his brother that ‘they often argued, but never quarreled.’  By this, he meant he debated his point of disagreement on what he considered fact, but never in animosity or hostility.  Indeed, Chesterton often argued with those he differed with (Huxley, Wells, and others) but on ideals, not graciously, attacking the idea and not the person.  He also took the time to understand the arguments of his opponents thoroughly and always tried to gain some common ground with an opponent. In this way, he reminded me of my professor, Congresswoman Barbara Jordan, whose rules of civility I follow today and discussed previously. This emphasis on respect in disagreement is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and fostering understanding. Read the previous blog here

1. Know the other side’s view at least as well as they do

2. Seek first commonalities and build on them to establish a relationship

3. Then and only then, civilly and with respect, explain any differing viewpoints

Follow these rules and always seek to argue but not quarrel with those you disagree with. When you quarrel on emotion instead of arguing from a reasoned viewpoint, you cut off any path to finding common ground.

3.  You Have to Stand for Something, or You Will Fall for Anything. 

This last point sounds paradoxical in comparison to the other two points.  But there is a point when you must stand your ground and agree to disagree.  As I said earlier, knowing when to stand your ground is an art, not a science.  

Here is a simple, straightforward example.  You have a friend who cannot break free from addiction.  They argue with you to look the other way again, and they can turn it around. In this case, you need to stand your ground and not enable them because it will hurt you and them. 

But most cases are not this clear-cut. I do not have a perfect prescription for when to stop discussing and make a decision, but I have an imperfect one. Here are the three questions to consider when making a decision to disagree and go a different way.

1.  Have I, with an open ear, actively listened to the opposite view?  In answering this question, you must honestly consider if you turned a tin ear to the other person’s point of view and only listened to the counterarguments in your heart.

2.  Now that I understand the point of view, are other supporting factors not yet considered?  In other words, have I taken the time to consider the other’s argument further beyond their talking points?  Sometimes, you may have new insights that have appeared during the discussion.

3. Is the differences between us something worth fighting for?  If I agree with the person, even if not the best approach, does it cause harm to me or others, now and in the future?  This question is the most difficult of the three. 

To close, being civil and kind while actively listening is not easy, but it is necessary if we are seeking a way to better ourselves and this country. I hope this discussion, in light of recent events, such as the attempted shooting of a President and the rancor on both sides, helps you discern the viewpoint of others. I want to leave you with a poem I wrote two years ago on July 4th. 

I love this country,
more and more,
From the Rockies’ peak,
To Grand Canyon’s floor!

I love this country,
Yes, it’s true!
Whether in a Red state,
Or one that’s Blue.

Watch West Side Story,
Or Hamilton.
Let’s pull together,
And act as one.

March the streets,
Have your say,
But let’s come together,
At the end of the day,

And love this country!
Love it, true,
And wave it proudly,
The Red, White and Blue.

Five Summer Time Tricks To Stay Fit

Don Grier

Summer officially starts tomorrow, June 20, but the heat index has already crept into the 100s in Austin for a few days.   If you want to continue to Change Well with physical activity, we all need a few tricks to stay cool when it is hot.  Here are a few techniques I use to keep active during the doldrums of August. 

1. Sunrise, Sunset.  They say the early bird catches the worm.  But I say the early walker catches the cool breeze. (ok, make that a warm breeze in Texas).  The good news for those working is that the sun rises earlier and sets later in the summer.  That means you don’t need to search for a flashlight to take your walk before or after work.  I always use the early and late sun to walk before or after work (or both).  This way, I catch the morning sunrise or glorious sunset when the temperature is less hot.  You rejuvenate yourself before a busy day or decompress after a stressful one.  Nothing soothes stress better than birdsong carried on a cool morning breeze or seeing the sun touch down over a shimmering pond.   To change up the lyrics a bit from a song from Fiddler on the Roof:

Sunrise, Sunset,
Sunrise, Sunset,
Avoid the heat of day,
Cool breezes fade after the morning,
Turning into a stifling haze.

Sunrise, Sunset,
Sunrise, Sunset,
Wait until the evening comes,
Take a walk with the moon and birdsong,
That way, you can walk extra-long.

2.  Stay Cool In The Pool. Playing in the pool is one way to exercise and avoid heat exhaustion. But what if you are not Michael Phelps or Katie Ledecky?  I am assuredly not a great swimmer.  I did not know how to swim until I was a plebe at West Point and never got out of the rock squad (those who sink like a rock).  I still do not know how I passed with a C- since I nearly drowned during the timed swim.   

You can engage in activities in the pool other than swimming, even if you’re not in the best shape.  The one that helped me when I was first beginning my weight loss journey was water aerobics. Weighing in at 350+, I entered the pool because it was the only thing I could do without my joints protesting.  Once I overcame my initial self-consciousness of being the youngest in the class, I found that water aerobics provided a fantastic workout. The best part was that I didn’t need to be overly coordinated.  It was my first step in reclaiming my fitness, and it’s still a reliable exercise option when the weather gets hot. 

For all the young parents out there, playing with your children in the pool is not just a way to beat the heat but also a fun way to stay in shape.  When my oldest daughter was learning to swim (not from me, the Rock, but from classes), we used to have a blast playing a game called Butterfly.  I would lift her and toss her in the pool, singing, “Butterfly, butterfly, how high can you fly?”.  She would then swim 15 feet back to me and respond upon return, “Over the trees and meadows!”.   We sometimes repeated that for about 20 minutes. This is how she learned how to swim, and I got my weightlifting done. The bottom line is to be creative when staying cool in the pool and enjoying precious moments with your children.

3.  Drink and Know Things. One of my favorite lines from Game of Thrones is when Tyrian says, “I drink, and I know things.”   I even have a T-shirt with that saying. This is good advice for the summer as long as, unlike Tyrian, you drink water instead of wine and know when to stop and stay hydrated.  You may be saying that advice is obvious.  I might agree.  But here is something that is not as obvious.  You can drink a lot of water and not remain hydrated.  Here is what I mean.

I went on a Kennedy Walk (50 miles in one day) during a hot day. I kept stopping at water stations along the way and became waterlogged. However, around mile marker 35, my muscles cramped up terribly, and I became woozy.  Then I realized that I had not been taking enough electrolytes and had sweated out most of the salt in my body.  I stumbled to a nearby store and was crestfallen when they ran out of Gatorade.  Luckily, they had some jars of pickles.  So I ate some pickles and drank pickle juice and got better.  The story’s moral is that staying hydrated means also watching your electrolytes.  So drink electrolytes with your water, or you’ll be in a pickle.  Ok, that was corny even for me!

4.  Buddy Up.  I usually walk alone to listen to the latest David Baldacci book.  But in the summer, I know enough to buddy up when hiking.  First, it will keep you motivated.  But more importantly, you can watch out for one another.

If I have to exercise in the heat, I try to find a friend to come with me.  This advice has saved me on several occasions directly and probably a lot more indirectly.  Here is an example.   I enlisted my youngest daughter to come with me on a walk one early fall day.  Even though the place we were walking in was wooded, we unfortunately got a bit lost.  Plus, the temperature, which was supposed to be in the low eighties, jumped into the nineties (never trust a weather report).  We finally found our way out, but it would have been scary if I had been alone in the woods in the heat. 

5.  Switch it up with indoor activities.  Lastly, summer is an excellent time to switch up with some indoor activities.  My go-to exercise will always be hiking in nature.  However, it is time to try something indoors when it is 110 in the shade.   Summer, for me, is an excellent time to take on a new Peloton exercise series or to catch up with some low-impact on YouTube with Paul Eugene. Also, if I want to go on a walk, I can always catch up with the latest stores at the mall or what is happening at Costco.

These are five ways to beat the Summer heat and keep your fitness progressing.  Other recommendations include wearing sunscreen and head covering outdoors, bringing a wet towel to cool off, or, better yet, taking a cool shower after working out.  Lastly, do not forget about your pets when you take them outside.  The first rule of “Sunrise, Sunset” is essential for a dog’s paws.   So take them out before the sidewalk gets too hot.  Remember these rules so you can continue to change well, even in the summer heat!

The Gift of Fatherhood: 5 Ways It Shaped Me into a Better Person

Don Grier

I am looking forward to Father’s Day this Sunday.  I cherish every gift my children have given me over these 36 years of Fatherhood, from plaster cast moldings of their handprints to more recent gifts to events and workshops.  I also love getting some barbeque and a few beers.   But the greatest gift of all is the opportunity, along with my wife, to raise four empathetic, brilliant, and kind adults.   Quite frankly, I believe that instead of getting gifts this Sunday, I should be giving gifts back for the opportunity of being a Father. 

Fatherhood is not always given proper recognition in today’s society. But today’s blog is not focused on the positive impact of fathers on their families and communities. I have written a previous blog called Let’s Celebrate Fathers as Builders. Today, my focus is on the positive benefits of being a father for the father himself.  Indeed, I am healthier, happier, and kinder through my vocation of Fatherhood, and I thank the Father above for giving me the mission!

Here are five ways being an engaged Dad has made me better.

1. It made me more patient. I still need work in this area, but I cannot imagine how I would have turned out if we had not had kids. From the start, I have been an impatient person. My Papaw gave all his grandchildren a nickname. Mine was “Walkie-Talkie” because I always walking, talking, and going places. 

I was hurrying to the top and impatient about anything that got in the way.  But being a father has a way of slowing you down. For example, you can’t walk fast if you are trying to lead a toddler to take their first steps, teach your kid math, or take your daughter to buy a prom dress (especially if it is my middle daughter 😊).  If you don’t take the time to listen, you will miss your child growing up.  Plus, why are you hurrying in the first place?  You will blink, and your children will all be grown up.  So follow that lyric from the old 70’s song by Wayne Newton, Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast.

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

Daddy, slow down some ’cause you’re makin’ me run

Daddy, don’t you walk so fast

2.  It made me lighten up.  Unfortunately, impatience was not the only thing that I needed to work on as I took on my role as a Father.  To say that I am an intense, serious person is an understatement.  I am strictly Type A by nature and find it hard to loosen up and have fun.  Some of my current friends would disagree but did not know me before fatherhood.  Here is an example of my intensity. 

My mom went with me to back to school day back in my junior year when we moved to Texas.  Every 15 minutes, we would have to switch classes and meet the teacher.  I walked directly to class while people were trying to flag me down and say hello or joke.  In her Jersey accent, my mom would say Donn…nie, why didn’t you say hi to those cute girls saying hi to you?  I said something like Mom, we have to get to class, and I do not want us to be late.  As always, I was too focused on the mission and what was next.  I did not have time to have fun or laugh.

But it is hard not to laugh and have fun with your children.  They have an excellent way of humbling you and making you see the humor in everyday life.  How can you not laugh when they smile at you, dance with crazy legs to the Back Street Boys, or even put their pants on backward?    These are just a few of the things.  I also had a hidden gift for kid songs and stories.  I had always written poetry and stories, but they were all serious and overly dramatic.  But as a dad, I found I had a knack for stories.  My oldest daughter and her friends still remember “The Tales of Super Guinea and Sharky Shark” and Super Fanny Pack Mom. 

3.  It helped me stay fit and get healthy. Being a dad is a catalyst for maintaining your health, and if you lose your health, a prod to turn it around.  When the children were younger, staying fit to keep up with them was relatively easy.  I even made up fitness routines for shopping when I could not exercise alone.  Here is an idea for dads who need to get groceries with the kids in tow.  It is called Crazy Cart.  I used to go to HEB with my two middle children in twin seats in the shopping cart and my oldest daughter running alongside me.  We see how fast we could run up and down the aisles shopping while other shoppers jumped out of the way.  Our record for $100 in groceries was under 8 minutes!  Later, I loved playing soccer with my son in the backyard.  When he was little, I let him get ahead, and then I would return and win until I could not!

Later, as they got older and entered their school sports, I gained weight by focusing on work and making money for the family.  Then, wanting to be around them as they struck out on their lives made me want to get healthy.  I remember my son’s high school graduation, which was one of the catalysts for me returning to shape.  Weighing in at 350+, I was ashamed to be in his picture.  The fact that he was happy for me to share that day spurred me on to better for him and myself.  Four years later, I was 170 pounds lighter for his college graduation.

4.  It helped me with empathy and emotional intelligence. From our discussion so far, you can probably tell I did not have a high EQ before becoming a father. Dads have to become more empathetic and emotionally aware as they adjust to their children’s different talents. Each kid is unique, with a different way of reacting to you.   For example, I have the Dad voice of all Dad voices.  However, it is highly counterproductive when dealing with my middle daughter.  It’s a liability more than an asset with all the kids, but that is the empathy side.  I had to find different ways to connect with each kid and meet them where they are.  

5. It helped me become a better team player.  Lastly, being a Dad made me a better team player, especially with my wife.  As parents, you need to present a united front.   Kids are adept at finding any difference in their parent’s opinions and using it to their advantage.  Also, a family unit is built on loyalty, teamwork, and sacrifice.  Individual contributors need not apply. 

So there you have it—five ways the gift of fatherhood made me a better person.  I want to close with a poem that I wrote about the most outstanding achievement of any father and his wife.  A great family.  I wrote this poem at my youngest daughter’s graduation ceremony after seeing a picture of my four children at that event.

Some invest in stocks,
Others purchase gold,
Other invest in real estate,
And Futures bought and sold,

But we invest in our kids,
My lovely wife and I,
And moments like your graduation,
Make me want to cry,

With a heartfelt exclamation,
And thankfulness unbound,
With joyfulness and love,
And smiles all around!