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Joy Over Grievances – Saint Carlo Acutis

Don Grier

The world has become increasingly full of people with grievances. People complain about politicians, their neighbors, or the lack of forth in their Latte.  These grievances have been amplified through social media. Sure, there are actual injustices in this world and room for righteous anger.  But when your life becomes one long list of grievances, all you get is grief! That was not the case with Carlo Acutis.

Inspiring people to disregard the petty slights and injustices of the world to focus and amplify moments of joy.  They overcome adversity to show the way to a better life.  They use the tools that so often sow discord to show us a better way.  One such person was Carlo Acutis, who will be canonized as a Saint on September 7, 2025. 

Carlos Acutis is the first millennial Catholic Saint.  He passed from this earthly realm on 12 October 2006, from leukemia at the age of 17.  He recognized the emerging power of the internet and social media and chose to utilize it to proclaim the goodness and glory of God.   One of Carlo’s sayings was “we are all likely to fall short because as soon as someone says something we don’t like, we instantly grow angry”.  However, unlike many of us (including myself), he did not utilize his social media skills to amplify his grievances.  Instead, he used his skill to develop a media site that showcases the power of Eucharistic miracles to transform his life and that of others.  His website and media presentation are now displayed on five continents and have been shown in over a thousand parishes and more than a hundred universities.  Instead of influencing others to buy the latest gadget or gift, he influences others to a better life and to God.

His real life mirrored his virtual life.  Although his family was wealthy, he did not spend the money on the latest game.  Instead, he would use his allowance to buy food and sleeping bags for people experiencing homelessness.  Instead of endless scrolling and posting for likes, he spent his time striving to bring others to what truly matters – being kind and loving God. 

His final acts are the most important for our time.  He did not post about his suffering as he was dying.  He instead said, “There are a lot of people suffering a lot more than me. “  He was always focused on what is above and beyond, instead of what is here and before.   He offered his suffering and kept a joyful face till the end.

An Election Day Weave of Life Lessons from Big D

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Today, I have a lot on my mind. It is the 22nd anniversary of my Dad, Big D, passing, and it is election day.  So, in honor of my Dad, to celebrate our democracy and organize the many thoughts in my head, I will attempt what former President Trump calls the weave.   

My definition of the weave is connecting several lines of disparate thought to develop a consistent theme.   Today’s weave will hopefully create a tapestry of life lessons that lead to wellness.  The thread that ties this weave together is the many lessons I learned from my father and how they have helped me become a better person.  So, let’s start weaving.

Big Russ and Me

I find myself missing Tim Russert this election day. Tim Russert was and still is my favorite journalist. He was the epitome of authenticity and enthusiasm for our democracy. The longtime host of Meet the Press, he was thorough, insightful, and always civil but challenging in his questioning.  I used to watch Meet the Press every Sunday but now seldom watch Sunday news programs.

Another reason I miss Tim Russert is his dedication to family. He wrote one of my favorite memoirs, Big Russ &  Me, about his relationship with his father, Big Russ, and the lessons he learned from him. 

Big Russ and Tim’s relationship reminded me of my one with my Dad, Big D.   The similarities are uncanny. Both raised four children with their wives, did not finish high school, had blue-collar jobs, and served in the military.   Believe it or not, both worked on a Garbage truck.  But most importantly, they both taught life lessons that made their sons better people.

I will not write a book like Tim for this election day weave of lessons (although I could and will someday).  Instead, I will provide the top five lessons I learned from my Dad, resonating even more loudly 22 years after his passing.

Get the Iron Out of the Door.   

What is the iron? Where’s the door?  Iron refers to large turbines that generate electricity in dams.   Big D was a steelworker/machinist, and it was his job to repair the turbines and get them out the door as quickly as possible to their destinations worldwide.  Equally important was ensuring the turbines did not have to come back through the door: this required diligence, consistency, and hard work.    

The lesson is to learn your craft, roll up your sleeves, and work daily at your vocation and for your family.  Worry more about your friends and family than the election, For more on this lesson and how I applied it to my career in information technology, please read my blog, Getting the Iron Out the Door.

There is Always Room for Improvement. 

My dad was good at getting the iron out the door, but he always looked for ways to make his team get it done faster, cheaper, and with higher quality. Likewise, he taught us that no matter how well you do, there is always room for improvement. 

He applied this lesson to his personal life.  As mentioned earlier, Big D and Big Russ had not graduated high school.  My dad left school to help his mom and family and entered the Air Force. He got his GED, machinist journeyman certification, and further education in a community college. 

I remember him returning after overtime at DeLaval and practicing the words fuma and puma in Spanish very intently.  Over 50 years later, I can still hear him practicing to better communicate with his fellow union workers. 

One more story about improvement from this lesson.  Improvement does not come quickly.  You must make slow, steady practice.  Big D  demonstrated this aspect by building a lake on his retirement property. 

I remember the first time my Dad started building the lake.  He had just got the backhoe and had begun scraping out a ditch.  He took my brother and me out there.  Then, pointing to a muddy gouge with a few puddles, he said proudly, “Look at my lake!”. 

My brother and I started laughing.  Dad said, “Why are you laughing?”.  My bother pointed out, “Dad, when you say lake, it connotates images of water!  This is not a lake. It is a puddle.”  Dad just shook his head, climbed in his backhoe, and said, “You will see smart alecks.” 

And we saw.  A year or two later, there was a full-fledged lake.  The following year, fish were in the lake and on a dock.  But Dad kept tweaking the lake up to the day he died. 

We wondered why he did this since he proved his point and gave us our initial lesson.   Having returned to the land recently with the direct coordinates in hand,  I found an aerial picture revealing he built the lake in the shape of Texas!  If you want to see the before and after pictures, read our blog, The Return: Have A Vision as Big as Texas.  And always look for ways to improve!

Be Tough, But Have A Heart.   

One area in which my Dad did not need much improvement was toughness. My brother tells a great story about my Dad at one of the campouts that Dad hosted for my brother’s fraternity.  Big D had fallen asleep too close to the fire, and one of his cowboy boots started burning!  The fraternity brothers shook my Dad awake, yelling Big D! Big D! Your boot is on fire.  Big D, not batting an eye, took off the boot, smashed it in the dirt, extinguished the fire, and said, “I am the toughest SOB that ever walked the face of the earth.” 

Big D was tough due to his childhood, but he still had a big heart. He taught us that you must be firm but fair and have a heart for others. I best learned this lesson when I ran away from home. 

When I was 16, I made the rash decision to run away. I was distressed that I was moving away from my home in New Jersey and losing my friends. I thought the world was ending, but really, it was only beginning.

I do not know how he knew where I was going, but my Dad found me. He told me that he was sorry and that I was tough. He then explained that we needed to move to Texas to make a better life. He then hugged me, and I got in the car. There was no yelling. There was only love. 

You can read more about this story and other lessons in the blog: The Lesson Learned When Running Away.

Be Part of the Community.

Another thing that my dad instilled in me was the power of community.  My dad was our Cub Master,  our baseball and basketball coach,  a Union Vice President, a softball player, and a member of several men’s clubs.    He also had diverse friends and included some of our friends in our family. 

I carry with me the importance of community. I am a leader or participant in several civic organizations. The lesson I learned from Big D about community was threefold.

First, he led or was present in our activities to be part of his children’s lives. Second, when you meet people face to face, it is hard to stay in an argument.  You can cast aspersions on someone on Facebook without truly facing them.  It is tough to hold a grudge or an argument when you have to see the person the following week.  Last, when we act in the community, we build others up instead of tearing them down.  We become stronger when we act as a team.

The First and Last Lesson – Be Thankful. 

Big D was always thankful for his community and friends and was unafraid to show it. I will miss the heartfelt prayers of thanks my dad used to say before Thanksgiving dinner. They were simple but profound and gave thanks for all that was given to our family. 

But I will never forget the first Thanksgiving without him and the miracle provided us in his remembrance. I recommend you read the full Thanksgiving Cows blog here, but here is a synopsis and the lesson. 

Two weeks after Big D died, we went to my dad and mom’s ranch one last time for Thanksgiving. The ten cows he was raising were all expecting.

As we rounded the bend, my family saw two new baby calves. During the rest of Thanksgiving, a new calf was born about every hour, so there were nine near dinner time. However, one cow, Rosie, had a problem birthing her calf.  

After much chasing and antics, we finally got Rosie in the truck and took her to the veterinarian.  We did not have Thanksgiving dinner, but I would not have missed the event for the best food in the world.

I had never seen a calf being born; it was a tremendous sight. The vet wrapped a rope around the half-born calf and pulled it. The calf was born after a few moments that seemed like an eternity. After lying on the ground for a few moments, the calf made its first few steps and was alive.

At that moment, despite missing Thanksgiving Dinner, I was never more thankful. I was grateful for my dad’s gift of the cows, and I was thankful for the timing and happiness that the calves’ birth gave me and my family.

Whenever I feel let down or frustrated, I think back to the story of the Thanksgiving calves. And that is a Game Changer. Counting your blessings can change your attitude to one of positivity. It can lift you out of the despair of failure and toward the hope of tomorrow. 

The End of the Weave, Hope for Tomorrow. We close our weave by coming full circle to tomorrow’s election. Whether your candidate wins or not, let’s remember the lessons of Big D.  Wake up tomorrow to get the iron out the door and food on your family’s plate.  Look for ways to improve yourself and those around you.  Be passionate about your beliefs, but have a heart for those who may differ.  And most of all,  Join in the community and be thankful for this great country.  We owe it to the legacy of Big D and Big Russ.

Let’s Celebrate Fathers as Builders!

Don Grier1 Comment

This Father’s Day, I celebrate Dads as builders! I revel in those fathers who built buildings, large families, Turbines, farms, and all of us up to love! Amidst all the tearing down recently in our country, it is time for us Fathers to build up! Here are four examples of Fathers building up.

1.  Building a family with bricks and good earth.  My Father-In-Law, along with his wife, built a loving family of 10 borne on bricks, love, and good Minnesota earth.  The first time I met Cal, he took me to his Raspberry farm to work and to talk about his tractor.   This was the same raspberry patch my wife and her nine siblings learned responsibility each summer.  Later, Cal took me to see the buildings he built as a Union Bricklayer.  As we talked, I appreciated how he built a family, brick by brick, berry by berry.  A man of few words, his example spoke volumes.

2.  Building engines that power cities, civil life, and a family.  My father, Big-D, was a dynamo! Like the turbines that he built at his work, Big-D energized civil life and a family through respect and love.  He was a Union Vice President, a Cub Master, a baseball coach, and president of several civic organizations.  He taught me and the community how to throw a curve ball, build a car for the Pinewood Derby, and negotiate to get what a worker needs and deserves.  Countries are built on civic organizations, not tweets!  Read more here (American Anthem: More Crosswicks less Crosswise ). Dad, along with my mother, taught us how to live, love, and learn in a community. 

3.  Building in the background with humility and hard work.  God is the ultimate father as a builder.  He built heaven and this good earth, which we are called to protect.  And when God selected an earthly father to protect and teach his only Son, he selected St. Joseph.  A quiet, humble man, Joseph patiently taught the Son of Man how to build amongst humanity with his hands and heart.  Joseph stood in the background and let his work show forth through the works of the Son.  Joseph prayed and sent a path for what all good Fathers wish for their Sons; a life that eclipses their own and sets the world aright.

4. Building bridges of love.  My first three examples are no longer walking in physical form with us.  But I know that their example lives on, teaching us to build bridges of love across all humanity.  I see the builder in the young fathers I come in contact with in my work and ministries. Getting up at night to comfort a little one and waking up early each morning to work each day just a little sleep deprived.  And I remember how hard it is to be a builder, cheer as their families grow in love, and serve as an example to all of us that love knows no bounds.   

A Father’s love knows no boundaries.  It builds up instead of tears down.  It builds bridges across humanity and through time!  It is color blind and love rich.  Let’s all be builders in our families and society!

Four Proven Ways to Fail Forward

Don Grier

One undeniable truth is that life is a roller coaster.   The secret to a fulfilling life is to fail forward, learn from the lows, and keep moving onward. Hardship and mistakes are our greatest teachers. They are often the catalysts that push us out of our comfort zones and into growth.    The most successful individuals have a common thread-they have made numerous mistakes on their journey to success. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He encountered failure over 1,000 times before creating a working light bulb.  He said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.”

I am not saying that everyone should fail 10,000 times before becoming successful! However, I have four approaches to turning a failure into a success.  

1.  Forget the pain, learn, and gain.  Having a setback can be painful, costly, and humbling.  No one sets out to fail or have a hardship.  But the worst thing you can do when you have a failure is to wallow in it.   Going repeatedly in your mind with regret about what went wrong is wasted emotional energy and gets you nowhere.  Instead, take the time to understand where you went wrong dispassionately, document what you will do the next time, and make adjustments and changes to improve the next time.  Remember that no one gets through this life without having a problem.  You are a person born with a specific mission, and this setback may be the one that allows you to course correct to get on the right path.  I believe that St. John Henry Newmann said it best with his Mission Prayer, which I call to mind when I have a setback.

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” John Henry Newman

When you fail, don’t let your spirits sink.  Press on to fulfill the mission set forth for you.

2.  Proceed with Faith, Hope, and Charity.  When you fall down, the best way to achieve your mission is to proceed with faith, hope, and, most importantly, charity.  You can have faith that, bit by bit, with every setback and every triumph, you are progressing to your ultimate purpose.   Also, hope will carry you through the dark periods.  Think of Edison.  Many filaments failed, but with each failure, he saw the glint of hope of that first electric light.  But most of all, proceed with charity.  It is sometimes easy to lash out at others when things go wrong.  To blame others either for the circumstances or your mistake.  Instead, try to look at every hardship as a blessing to grow.  Even if a person did wish you ill, look for ways to turn the circumstance around.

3.  They Can Knock You Down, But They Can Never Knock You Out.  My first two suggestions came from things I have learned from my faith journey.  But the saying they can knock you down, but they can never know you out, I learned from my favorite Peloton instructor, Kendall Toole.  Kendall had to deal with mental wellness issues growing up.  What helped her to get through her stress and anxiety was the love of her family.  They reminded her that giving up is the only way to get knocked out.   Life is going to give you some body blows.  We must be persistent and determined to take the first hard steps to get off the mat.  In my case, when I had taken a series of wrong steps on my wellness journey, I was literally knocked out, leaving my IT Delivery Center when I tripped and fell on the step at 3 AM in the morning.  But I did not stay down.  I crawled to the bumper of my car, lifted myself, and the next day changed direction.  You can read more about that incident in my first two podcasts and blogs.  And it is part of my podcast theme song.  I was working 18-hour days, I slipped, and I fell.  At that very moment, I knew I had to Change Well.  Sometimes, we need to be knocked down to bounce back to better things.

4.  Be Patient and Have a Plan.   One thing to remember when digging yourself out of a ditch is that you will not climb out all in one day.  The day after I took the tumble at the delivery center, I did not suddenly drop a hundred and seventy pounds overnight.  I had to be patient, plan a path forward, and not jump at the first fad diet that happened my way.  Take the time to do a retrospective to truly discern the root of your problem and then tackle the issue in small chunks.  For some guidance, I again turn to another favorite prayer of mine, “The Litany of Patience.”    Three of the prayer requests are:

1. Deliver me from rash judgment and haste …

2.  From impulsive decision-making…

3. From the desire to act when I need to be still …

Change without a plan is nothing more than chaos. When you need to change course, take the time to be patient and plan your next move.    Don’t let that check in your path turn into a checkmate.  Take the time to change well.