inspiration - Weight Loss and Leadership

Harness Four Powerful Wellness Concepts To Be Fully Engaged

Our recent podcast and blog series on the body and soul connection recalled two books. I am reading He Leadeth Me by Father Walter Ciszek now, and one that helped spur me on during my initial efforts to change well is The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Both books discuss the importance of practicing engagement in all directions and four wellness concepts. Let’s see what that looks like.

I am going to start first with He Leadeth Me. If you have the Hallow application, which I spoke about in the previous podcast on Body and Soul routine combos, there is a 40-day Lenten discussion using excerpts from the book. The book is a memoir of Father Walter Ciszek and his survival in a Soviet prison and later a Siberian Gulag after being falsely accused of crimes. The book is a powerful spiritual testament to surviving the harshest conditions if you trust God and have a purpose beyond yourself. It also showed how the stress of the prison camp and Gulag helped Father Ciszek become more spiritually alive. It is a fantastic book for many reasons, and I recommend it to anyone, even if they are not Christian. But the point I want to focus on today is Father Ciszek’s quote on the connection between body and soul and the impact each has on the other. Also, how the stress that he previously put on his body conditioned him physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to deal with his over twenty years in captivity. Here are two pertinent excerpts from the book that will ever remain etched in my mind and heart:

“During my early years in religious life, I had even tried to outdo the legends of the saints in fastings and penances of every sort. But I did it, not so much to punish the body or attain perfection as to prove to the world and to myself how tough I was. Yet it was only now, when each day ended with exhaustion and the body cried out for every extra minute of rest, every little respite from work, every extra crumb of food, that i really came to appreciate the marvelous gift of life god had given man in the resources of the human body. The intimacy that exists between soul and body is a marvel of creation and a mystery of human existence.”

“The mysterious interplay of body and soul is an essential characteristic of our human nature. If the body is sick or sore, tired or hungry or otherwise distressed, it affects the spirit, affects our judgment, changes our personality. So slight a thing as a headache can affect our relations with those around us. It is through the body that we express and experience love and kindness and comfort. We excuse our snappish, petty, ill-mannered conduct to one another on the grounds that the body is having a bad day. We are constantly, day in and day out, hour after hour, under the influence of these mysterious workings of soul on body and body on soul.”

He Leadeth Me by Walter J. Ciszek with Daniel L. Flaherty, 99

Father Ciszek points out that he could not have kept his soul and emotions intact if he had not trained himself physically. He also discusses in the book how his spiritual well-being and purpose helped him to drive on even when it appeared physically impossible.

The Power of Full Engagement

Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in The Power of Full Engagement make a similar connection, albeit from a secular viewpoint. This book was instrumental in starting my wellness journey, and I have referenced some of its four wellness concepts in developing my practice. The fundamental premise is to become a fully engaged, effective person and leader, you should focus on managing energy rather than time. The second key idea is that there are four dimensions of energy, the capacity of which you need to increase and manage to be fully engaged and high-performing. These are:

Physical energy, which focuses on the quantity of energy;
Emotional energy, which defines the quality of energy (for example, compare the impact of negative talk to positive affirmation on your well-being);
Mental energy, which defines the direction of energy (focused versus distracted);
Spiritual energy, which defines the power and impact of the energy (energy and effort not aligned with spiritual being and vision is wasted)

The third of the wellness concepts is the best way to build up energy in all four quadrants is to train like an athlete with intervals of stress and rest. If there is too much stress and insufficient rest in any quadrant, you become tired and disheartened. Alternatively, too much rest without the stress of a challenge leads to complacency and, in extreme cases, sloth.

The last of these wellness concepts is that the most fundamental energy source is physical; the most significant that guides our vision and purpose is spiritual. The underlying capacity of our physical energy impacts all other quadrants. When we are tired, unhealthy, and hyped up on too many all-nighters of pizza and soda, we are often cranky and short with others. Lack of sleep impacts our ability to focus on our work, and we become distracted.

On the other hand, without stores of spiritual energy, we can dissipate our energy on the wrong things and forego the purpose for which we were put on this earth. To refer back to our initial quote from Father Ciszek, if you do not have the physical capacity, you will not have the energy to be led to your ultimate purpose. And if you do not have the spiritual backbone and purpose for living, you will be led in the wrong direction.

I highly recommend that you take the time to read both books. I cannot underestimate the impact that both have had on my life. My blogs and podcasts focus on how I used the wellness concepts of these books to change my life. If you have not had the time, check out Episode 2, which covers techniques in all four energy quadrants, Episode 4, Waking Up to Your Why about the spiritual component, and Episode 7, THINK Yourself to a New You, for ideas on Emotional and Mental Energy. The podcasts each have links to the associated blogs for a deeper dive into wellness concepts. In conclusion, let me close by paraphrasing St Francis De Sales. Within every period of desolation lies the seeds of consolation. The opposite is also true. To best build our capacity in all four quadrants of our humanity – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – we must learn how to harness the ebb and flow of stress and relaxation to become fully engaged, fully human, and to change well!

Five Restorative Practices (and a Song!) to Heal Your Body and Soul

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This is the first of two in a blog series on the importance of mindfulness. You can also hear this blog read and sung on Episode 17 of our Change Well Podcast

There is a definite connection between body and soul. Be happy, feel better. Share kindness, win friends, and feel good. On the other hand, when you are stressed or miss your workout, it is not always easy to turn the other cheek. Common sense confirms recent studies that caring for others improves the well-being of those you helped and your own!

I have struggled to learn this lesson. I am naturally an intense person and a bit of a curmudgeon—a person who is sometimes not kind to others, particularly myself. Driven to achieve, I occasionally drive other people out and beat myself up. This often led to regret, guilt, and, more often than not, an eating binge. A happy person is a healthy person, and vice versa.

That is why when I started on my weight loss journey, it was just as important to cleanse my soul as my body. I took several measures to help me improve my disposition and, correspondingly, my health. This is what I did.

Write in my Kindness Journal – I journal six minutes daily in a Kindness Journal. It sets my daily goals for being a better person and helps me envision the person I want to become. It also provides me a place to recognize those items the day before for which I was most pleased (being kind to myself) and reflect on those who were kind to me. Lastly, I set my intention on one kind of beneficial act that I will do to make the world better for others. I use this particular journal, but you can use another Kindness Journal
Record happy thoughts in HappyFeed – In addition to writing in my Kindness Journal, I record three things I am so glad about each day using the iOS application HappyFeed. You do not always have to write something earth-shattering. Sometimes, I write something like, “I got 8 hours of sleep last night!” The key is to dwell on what makes you happy rather than what makes you stressed.
Pray, Meditate, and Give Thanks – There is no room for worry when thankful. You feel better about yourself and also those around you. Also, the Power of Thanksgiving can break through even the darkest hour. I spoke about this in the following blog. The Power of Thanksgiving
Help Others – Helping others benefits those you help and others. First, when you allow others, you focus on them, not the issues you face. Also, you are so preoccupied with the task at hand, whether it is building a house for Habitat for Humanity or walking to raise funds to combat cancer, that you often do not have time to overeat.
Smile – The simple act of smiling lightens your mood and that of others. Better yet, laugh; it is the best medicine, as they say.

Working on your heart and soul can make you a better person and help you lose weight – a double whammy (ok enough with the W’s). I have glorified this concept by establishing my most sacrosanct scheduled time of each day – Body and Soul Time. If you look at my calendar, you will see 6:00 – 8:00 AM each day, blocked out as Body and Soul time. This is when I do a weekly set of body and soul combos, combining mindfulness and prayer with exercise—more on next week’s blog.

But for now, let me close with, of all things, the importance of being third. A few weeks back, when thinking about Dr. King’s legacy and other selfless people like Gandhi and Mother Theresa, I tried to find the common thread that pulled them all together. And I realized it was because they were each Third – behind their religious beliefs and their care for others. I then thought about how hard it is to be Third in my life and thought of that classic song – “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” So, I decided to write this song/poem to the tune of It’s Not Easy Being Green. I hope you enjoy it, and my thanks to Kermit!

It’s Not Easy Being Third

It’s not easy being Third,

Putting yourself behind our human family and God’s word,

And people tend to pass you over,

cause you’re not in the latest fashion,

or have cool toys like some other guys.

But Third’s the purpose in your life,

And Third can help end earthly strife,

And Third can change the course of a nation,

Or build bridges to others, or define history.

When Third is what you are meant to be,

It could make you ponder why, but why ponder?

Why ponder, I am Third, it’s written on our Souls,

And it is where we are meant to be.

Ten Amazing Weight Loss Tips for the Road Warrior

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Some people say losing weight and traveling are diametrically opposed. I beg to differ! I lost over 170 lbs. in a year and a half while traveling weekly. I got on a plane each week at 5 am and left for home on Friday after five. That year, I lost 3 lbs. or more a week, despite traveling weekly and getting stuck several times over the weekend due to plane delays or twice because of blizzards! Channeling my inner David Letterman, here are my top ten weight-loss travel tricks!

Get a refrigerator when registering! When registering and later checking in to a hotel, I always ensure I have a fridge. I can shop for healthy snacks or meals or get some from the breakfast buffet or the concierge lounge spread. That way, I have a healthy snack if I’m working late. You may already have a refrigerator in an extended-stay hotel like a Residence Inn. But other business hotels may not have them in the room unless you request them. Get one and get healthy!
Check-in with the Concierge Lounge. While traveling for work, I had access to a concierge lounge back due to my status as a frequent traveler. I would hit the concierge lounge and load up on vegetables before going to a restaurant for dinner. I even would skip dinner and eat in the concierge lounge. The approach still applies even with limited or no travel. Eat some vegetables or small appetizers at home before ordering or eating out. Fill up on veggies instead of filling out on steak and burgers! When you travel often, you usually get access to a concierge lounge. You can use this access to your advantage if you make the correct choices. Here is the approach. For breakfast, fill up on lean protein (hard-boiled eggs, nonfat Greek yogurt, etc.), oatmeal, and fruit. Also, grab at least two bananas and two apples for your snacks throughout the day. Lastly, stay hydrated by taking a few bottles of water. Nine times out of ten, when you are hungry, it is just a substitution for being thirsty!
Walk to Work. No Uber for me! I walk to work unless it is pouring or ten below (sometimes in the Midwest). I also picked a hotel about a mile away, so you get 2 miles in no matter what. This at least gets you up and going. Remember to bring a book on tape (Podcasts and Libby, which, if you are a library member, is free!) or time your walk with a work call. It gets you outside, and you barely notice the activity.
Coffee Cups are not just for Coffee. I have a secret weight loss weapon when traveling the road – coffee cups. This remarkable tool is ubiquitous at hotels. Here are three simple weight loss hacks related to coffee cups:
- The first is the obvious one – use it for coffee. Nothing gets the constitution working better than coffee. I drink one cup, and you are ready for the restroom. But stop at one or two, or you will have the opposite result since coffee is a diuretic. Also, if you are walking to the office, you may not make it in time for the restroom!
- They are the perfect hard-boiled egg container. Hard-boiled eggs are almost as ubiquitous as coffee cups at the hotel breakfast counter. They are an ideal source of protein and a great way to satisfy a mid-morning snack or lunch. A standard coffee cup can hold three large, hard-boiled eggs. Place a lid on it and label it, and now you have a ready-made free lunch to stick in the office refrigerator! Coffee cups can also serve as containers for the fresh fruit often set up on the breakfast buffet (don’t forget bananas and apples in your backpack). You could also use coffee cups for oatmeal. All three are wholesome snacks or lunch on the run. You can also save money if not on an expense account.
- Larger cups for infused water. I love that many hotels are now providing fruit-infused water at the hotel. But I do not love the little dinky plastic cups with no lids. Answer – use coffee cups with lids and get 16 ounces of delicious water (to wipe away the effects of the second coffee).
Box it and Bring it To Boots. Portion control is the key to keeping your weight down and your friends happy. In my case, my friend is a bear/dog named Boots, as shown below. I always think of my buddy Boots when craving a big steak. I then make a conscious choice. I eat 5 oz. Instead of 10 oz of a steak, I cut my calories in half and make my dog leap in delight! This trick also works for a later meal in your trusty fridge but is more fun to give to your dog. Half your plate and make your friend feel great!

Eat like a plebe. The faster you eat, the more you repeat (think Buffet). When I eat out, I return to my training at West Point and eat like a Plebe! We learned to eat slowly at West Pont by squaring our meals so we would not wolf down food. Here is how you square a meal. You lift your fork straight, bend your fork at 90 degrees to your mouth, straighten your arm back out, and then bring your fork entirely down. You do not return your fork until you have thoroughly chewed your food. On top of this, you needed to take small bites to recite knowledge to senior cadets without your mouth full. All served to slow how fast we ate and cut down on food intake while practicing good manners. Over thirty-five years later, I still eat like a Plebe, especially when traveling.
Don’t stress; catch up on your rest! If you let it, missing your flight home due to the weather can be stressful. But it also can be an opportunity to catch up on your rest. If you can’t leave your hotel, catch up on your snooze time. Most of us are sleep-deprived anyway, and a few extra hours of rest can do wonders for your metabolism. On the flip side, overly worrying can lead to stress eating.
When late, Meditate. You do not have to get caught up in the noise and bustle when stuck in an airport. Most airports have a chapel, lounge, or quiet space where you can meditate or pray according to your practice to clear your head. Here is a guide that can help you out. https://www.sleepinginairports.net/. One of my favorite places is the chapel at DFW. But you can also find one of the gates that does not have a flight for an hour. I keep meditation applications Headspace, Calm, or Hallow for these delays on my iPhone. A plane delay or cancellation does not need to be a reason to go off the wagon.
When it Snows, Find a Skywalk. Getting stuck overnight in a hotel because of a blizzard can curtail your weekend exercise routine. I do not know about you, but walking on a treadmill does not get it. I like my walks with some scenery and adventure. One way to switch it up if you can’t get outside is to find a mall or indoor Skywalk. Once, I was stuck in Des Moines, Iowa, when my plane was canceled. Luckily, I did not have to miss my Saturday Morning walk. I found an entry to the downtown Skywalk about a block away. After a brief bout with the sub-zero wind chill, I soon walked and got lost in the Skywalk. It was quite an adventure trying to find my way back through the maze of corridors. Also, it felt a bit like Maxwell Smart with all the automatic opening doors. When I was finally done, I had five miles in while braving the cold for only a few minutes.
Remember, Three out of Five Ain’t Bad. I cannot claim this last rule since I learned it from a colleague. Every meal at a restaurant usually includes five options: bread, appetizer, entrée, dessert, and alcohol. The simple rule is to keep it to three! Either Bread, Drink, and an Entrée or some other combination. Remember, scrap two and keep 3! While I can’t claim this idea, I can confirm it works and claim the below song parody to emphasize it. Make like Meatloaf and remember.

I want you,
But I don’t need you,
And there ain’t no way I am ever going to eat you,
Now, don’t be sad,
Because 3 out of 5 ain’t bad!

Because 3 out of 5 ain’t bad! In closing, you can lose weight while traveling. These are ten, but you may have others. If so, please feel free to comment. To listen to this and other content on our Change Well podcast, click this link.

You can’t love someone to health

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“You can’t control another person. It doesn’t matter how much you love them. You can’t love someone back to health and you can’t hate someone back to health and no matter how right you are about something, it doesn’t mean they will change their mind.”
Taylor Jenkins Reid, Daisy Jones & the Six

Anyone who has ever dealt with addiction and unhealthy habits understands the truth behind the statement above from the bestseller and Amazon Prime mini-series Daisy Jones & the Six. I know from my own experience on both sides of the relationship. I have tried unsuccessfully to dissuade loved ones from unhealthy habits. On the flip side, my wife and children tried to stop me from overworking and overeating. I do not want to stop you from trying to help your family and friends. However, the truth is that they will not tackle the negative routine until they realize that they have a problem and take concrete steps to change. They may change for a season, but sooner or later, they will fall into their old routines unless the change is something they want in their soul.

I will not talk about others, but I know it was the case with my addiction to unhealthy eating and overworking. Despite my grumpiness and excess weight, I still marvel at how loving my wife and children were to me. My kids often tried to convince me not to go on an ICR (Ice Cream Run), even though they wanted a Blizzard of their own! They also had to deal with their dad not keeping up with them or hindering an event. One event that stands out is my youngest son and daughter when they made the homecoming court. In the picture below, you see me at near-peak weight after just barely avoiding disaster. Arriving only 5 minutes from when my wife and I were to walk my son onto the field, my legs cramped up, and I had stretched to the very second I had to arrive on the field. They loved me enough that they wanted me to walk with them. But I did nothing to change my ways until I was ready.

So, what can you do to help those you love who are off the rails? There are three things not to do and three things to do.

Not to do:

Nag or beg. Those in addiction may not do what you want when you love them, but they will not do it if you nag or beg them to stop their behavior. It will instead put them on the defensive or have them looking for problems on your end. Here is one example. The few times my wife asked if I really needed another glass of wine or blizzard, I would say something like this: “You would not ask me this if I had your fidgety habits. You can eat this and not gain a pound because of your metabolism.”
Disconnect. I understand that sometimes a person’s addiction threatens to drag you in, so you may need to separate from them, especially during the negative behavior. But, if at all possible, stay connected with the person. In that way, you can help them when they are ready.
Enable them. Even if you do not have a similar temptation, try to avoid activities or actions that trigger the unhealthy behavior of your friend. If the person drinks excessively, avoid bars and nightclubs on your outings. If they overeat, avoid the buffet line. Find other activities that do not trigger harmful habits and potentially reinforce positive habits.

To Do:

Continue to love them. I know I opened up with the idea that you cannot love someone into health. But you can love them through the tough times and be there when they are ready to make a change.
Intervene when necessary. Intervention when critical is not the same as nagging. Also, sometimes love calls for tough medicine. If someone is about to harm themselves or others, you need to intervene either directly, if possible, or with authorities if you or they are at risk. When and when not to intervene is often a hard call. But sometimes, it is the loving thing to do and the only thing to let the other person know they need to change.
Quietly lead by example. If you can and do not have a similar bad habit, live the positive one you want them to take. Make a healthy meal. Ask the workaholic to take a break and walk with you. It may not work the first or second time. But, if you keep it up, they will notice your quiet example.